The subject of bathrooms is once again in the news. This is relevant to the concerns of this humble blog because legal battles over bathrooms are almost always an obsession of creationists.
A good example comes to us from Texas. In the Washington Times we read: Texas Republicans propose bathroom bill deemed discriminatory by trans activists. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis:
Legislation proposed Thursday in the Texas Senate would trump local anti-discrimination ordinances by giving private business the right to prohibit transgender customers from using the restroom of their choice. A so-called “bathroom bill” floated by Republican state Sen. Lois Kolkhorst would prohibit local municipalities from establishing restroom and locker room policies for private businesses, effectively nullifying trans-inclusive nondiscrimination laws already on the books in several of its largest cities including Austin, Dallas and San Antonio.
What else does the bill provide? We’re told:
Additionally the law would require the state’s school districts and political subdivisions to adopt new policies that would regulate access to those same facilities based on an individual’s biological sex instead of their preferred gender.
The bill has powerful support:
Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, a conservative Republican and president of the Texas Senate, previously said he’d make it a “top priority” to work such a bill through the state legislature once lawmakers begin meeting Jan. 10. Praising Ms. Kolkhorst’s proposal Thursday, Mr. Patrick said her offering was anything but an attempt to discriminate against transgender persons, contrary to claims raised by the bill’s critics. “This issue is not about discrimination — it’s about public safety, protecting businesses and common sense,” he said in a statement.
Okay, enough of that. What we want to do is offer the Curmudgeon’s solution to these vexing bathroom problems. Our approach to the issue is revolutionary, and it should solve all problems This is what we propose:
First, we need bathrooms to be separated by function. What is being done in a bathroom is far more important than one’s gender. Those who need to do only one simple thing should not be herded into the presence of those who are doing more.
To be specific, there should be a bathroom for Number One. A separate bathroom should be provided for those needing to perform Number Two. And a third bathroom must be provided for — shall we say — activities related to menses.
That’s three bathrooms based on clearly defined function, instead of the traditional two based on what some claim to be arbitrary gender categories. Additionally, in each of the three, there should be a separate section accessible by those who consent to voyeurism — the “Voyeur Okay” zone.
Our plan should satisfy everyone and offend no one. We recommend it to all legislators who have nothing better to do than worry about such matters. Once again, your Curmudgeon has solved one of society’s most urgent problems.
[*We humbly acknowledge your applause.*]
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