There’s no news tonight, dear reader, so this is what you’ll have to contend with.
Imagine that while exploring a remote valley, which the natives in the next valley never visit and warned them to avoid, researchers discover a cave from which a mysterious clicking sound can be heard. Clickity, clickity, clickity!
They enter. The sound gets louder. Clickity, clickity, clickity! They proceed further, but their study of the cave is cut short when — oh the horror! — they see that thousands of crabs are assembled, their antennae waiving and their claws clicking furiously — Clickity, clickity, clickity!. The crabs are advancing menacingly toward the researchers, so they grab a couple as specimens and hastily retreat.
Back in the lab, the researchers are amazed to learn that the crabs are intelligent, and communication with the two captured crabs is established. The crabs believe that their cave is the whole universe — made specially for them because they are the apex of creation. The cave provides shelter, has sufficient fungi and other food, and they know nothing of the outside world. Their reaction to the humans who discovered them is complicated.
The crabs are in shocked disbelief. And they’re angry. Everything they’ve ever believed is being challenged, so despite seeing them, they deny that the humans exist. They warn the humans to stay away from their cave, because if they return, they’ll be attacked again. So what should the humans do?
Our advice is to behave the same way we react upon encountering creationists — stay away from them. Creationists’ view of the universe is the same as that of the crabs, and they insist that anyone who disagrees with them is evil. Fine. As with the crabs, we should leave them alone in their little world as we go on about our business.
But if the crabs ever come swarming out to attack us, claws clicking, there’s no choice — we’ll have to stomp on them. And if the creationists attack us? Well, they’re not crabs, but there are times when it’s difficult to tell the difference.
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