Ken Ham: Making America Great Again

The central theme of Donald Trump’s campaign was his promise to make American great again. No one knows how to do that better than Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, famed not only for his creationist ministry, Answers in Genesis (AIG), but also for the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum, and for building an exact replica of Noah’s Ark. Verily, he is the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

Ol’ Hambo tells us how it should be done in How to Make America Great Again. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis:

Tomorrow is Inauguration Day here in the United States. On this day President-elect Donald Trump will become President Trump. He has promised to make America great again. Well, God’s Word tells us exactly how to do that!

[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] Isn’t this wonderful? Hambo says:

To truly make America really great again, Americans need to put God first and turn to His Word as the absolute authority in all areas.

Yes, that’s the way to do it! Phooey on the Constitution! Then he tells us:

Many people believe we don’t need God because man is basically good. But that’s a false assumption. [Scripture quote.] What does God say about man’s heart?

For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. (Matthew 15:19 ESV)

The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9)

Wow! That sounds like we were badly designed. Hambo continues:

The only One who is good is God. [Scripture quote.] As our Creator, God has every right to judge sinful man. And He will judge every person. To all my non-Christian followers, I urge you at this time to consider your life, death, and eternity: [Scripture quote.]

Good advice! Let’s read on:

Many people refuse to listen to God’s Word because they’ve bought the culture’s lie that it can’t be trusted. They’ve sided with the majority. But is the majority right?

Gasp — if it isn’t, why do we have democracy? Hambo explains:

Well, the majority of doctors once didn’t wash their hands after autopsies and before delivering babies — they were wrong! … The majority of scientists believe in molecules-to-man evolution — the majority is obviously wrong. Just because the majority believes something doesn’t mean it’s right.

Wow — our whole system of government is wrong! Another excerpt:

If you believe that the majority rules, there can never be truth. What or who determined that the majority rules?

Hambo’s right. There’s nothing about democracy in the bible. Here’s more

We don’t need to be at the mercy of the changing opinions of the majority. God’s Word provides a firm foundation for morality.

We need a theocracy! Hambo for dictator! One more excerpt:

God’s Word needs to be our authority. It provides a rock-solid foundation in a culture that changes with each generation. I encourage you to carefully consider Christianity and the Bible.

There’s a bit more, but it’s just a promotion for an AIG book. So there you are, dear reader. Now you know how to make America great again.

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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20 responses to “Ken Ham: Making America Great Again

  1. We don’t need to be at the mercy of the changing opinions of the majority. God’s Word provides a firm foundation for morality.

    Ham’s right! How did we get in this state where women are no longer property, slavery is outlawed, stoning is not permitted for people who make whoopee with the wrong person, and we have no king to rule over us? We have been at the mercy of changing opinions for 2,000 long years!

    Ham, I’m sure, can change all that if we give him a chance.

  2. So god’s word (contradictory, error filled, written by scribes and edited) is an unchanging firm foundation. I marvel at the myriad of interpretations professed by various christian groups, but recognize Hambo thinks he’s the only one who has it right. His thinking is crystal clear. But tell me, when was it that America was great and shared his thinking? Never, in my reading of history. Sorry, Ham, I can’t buy your fairy tales, self-righteousness, ritual cannibalism, and denial/distortion of science.

  3. Remember the days when every mother was afraid of polio?
    I won’t go on with a list of the obvious.

  4. I always thought that my evil thoughts came from neurons in my brain, and now Hambone tells me it’s my heart that’s the source. Well I hope it doesn’t get so distracted with evil thoughts that it forgets about pumping blood around.

  5. And TomS: I’m old enough to remember that I wasn’t allowed to go swimming in public pools because of the fear of polio. The anti-vaxers want to bring those good ol’ days back.

  6. So Hambo says because the majority believe something is right doesn’t make it true forgetting there are more Christians (collectively) in the US than are there any other group of believers. Does he read the things he writes?

  7. Dave Luckett

    I don’t believe I’ve read Ham making a straightforward pitch for outright theocracy before. This is a flat rejection of democracy and for its replacement with rule by the Elect and the Godly.

    Nothing is crazy enough to be denounced by everybody. There are sure to be bobbleheaded morons who’ll go along even with something as awesomely doolally as Hamism. Shoot, look at the comments on Youtube. (Be sure to have a barf bag prepped.) But surely, surely, Ham has finally removed himself from – not the world of the rational, that happened long ago – but from what can actually be contemplated by people who are not violently insane. Surely?

  8. @Makagatu: many of those christians are not true christians any way according to Ol’Hambo. Only those who follow, Ol’Hambo, the Second Messiah, are.

  9. Not just whoopee, Ed; blasphemy, and (Numbers 15:32) picking up sticks on the Sabbath.

  10. @Scientist
    Thank you for reminding us that that thing in Kentucky is a totally recent invention. When did people dream up humans living with tame dinosaurs? When did the concept of “baramin” become popular? He wants us to go back to a time that never was.

  11. This SC post is full of delightful zingers. One of my favorites is
    “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9)”
    “Wow! That sounds like we were badly designed. ”
    Then
    “Phooey on the Constitution” in response to Ham’s exhortation to put the Bible first deserves applause .
    Off to a good start today !

  12. O Mighty One! (Typo Alert)
    While I am overjoyed at the return of the traditional “Hamscription” at the first paragraph of any of your posts regarding the Pork Prince of Piety (“mind-boggling” is one of my favorite words ever), there is an “o” missing in “Creation Museum” immediately after.

    [*Voice from above*] Sometimes, even the Curmudgeon needs my assistance.

  13. Your heart beats faster when you have evil (I assume Ham means sexual) thoughts. Why would that be if it wasn’t working to originate them? That the brain is involved in any way is just another of sinful man’s changeable ideas.

  14. @ skmarshall: I though that was a typo for Cretin Museum

  15. “…For out of the heart come evil thoughts, ….” Just goes to show how dim the buyBull writers were…The heart is a pump that just pumps. Evil (whatever that is) thoughts come from the brain….and we are told that the buyBull is scientifically accurate….RRRRrrrright!!!!

  16. James Bolton Theuer

    The Ham Train has no brakes!!! MAGA 2020 you cucks!!!

  17. Hey, man is sinful? That’s it? There I was just laying around, as mud will do, and God grabs me and turns me into a man. That was some b a d breath, I’ll tell you. Then before I know what the heck is going on, I get condemned with all my children and their children and so on. Heck, I was still figuring out where children came from. I know I didn’t make ’em.

    So, I axe you, if all men are sinful and it is my fault, whose fault is it that I was made the way I was. Like I said, I was just mindin’ my own business when all of this weird s**t happened.

    Thanks for hearing me out. Adam

  18. mnbo, those of us Christians who don’t pass muster for the Hamites often refer to that as RTCism (Real True Christianism). It is, of course, a variation on the True Scotsman fallacy.

  19. Tomorrow is Inauguration Day here in the United States. On this day President-elect Donald Trump will become President Trump. He has promised to make America great again. Well, God’s Word tells us exactly how to do that!

    Without getting too deep into s**t, I mean politics, let me say Trump’s slogan has always bothered me. Doesn’t he think America is great now?

    Just because the majority believes something doesn’t mean it’s right.

    Ayup. Once upon a time, the overwhelming majority believed that life, the universe and everything emerged just as Genesis said.

  20. But if one believes that if things happened just as Genesis 1 said. Literally. Without editorial changes. Then, in the beginning of God’s creation, there was a powerful wind over water. God did not begin with nothing.
    And God’s act of creating various plants and animals by making them grow out of the waters and the earth. A sort of spontaneous generation, just as anyone can see how spontaneous generation is going on yet today.
    And Genesis 1 had nothing to say about microbes. And nothing about fixity of “kinds”. And nothing about microevolution of species.