Creationist Wisdom #752: You Must Homeschool

The Florida Ark

The Florida Ark

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in The Times of Apalachicola, Florida, on the shore of Apalachicola Bay, an inlet of the Gulf of Mexico. It’s right in the middle of that enchanted region we’ve been calling The Florida Ark. The Florida what? According to the Curmudgeon’s Glossary:

The Florida Ark is that concave stretch of coast — an arc, get it? — starting at the Alabama border and then sweeping down the shore of the Gulf of Mexico all the way to Tampa, and a bit beyond. This blessed region is home to a great number of creationists.

The letter is titled Homeschooling, and the newspaper has a comments section. Because the writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote her by using her full name. Her first name is Donna. Excerpts from her letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

After referring to an earlier letter (or column, or something) which we can’t find, Donna says:

God commanded parents, not the government, to train their own children. Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go.” Government control over the public system has resulted in terrible conditions from which homeschooling parents desire to protect their children — an anti-God philosophy, evolution, sex education, Planned Parenthood, immodest appearance which leads to immorality.

Egad — government schools are raising sex-crazed atheistic Darwinist children! Donna tells us:

Most homeschooling parents desire to train their children the right way — God’s way — and to stay away from the sins of the world, which are greatly increasing.

Sins are increasing! Then she says:

Parents are instructed by God to train their children and to discipline them to do what is right in His sight. As parents, we understand that once toddlers learn to walk and run, they often refuse to obey; but we must always lovingly correct them and require obedience.

Yes, sometimes you gotta lovingly beat those kids. Spare the rod, spoil the child. Donna continues:

When mature, they will make their own decisions — hopefully the right ones. Being homeschooled does not mean they cannot become lawyers, doctors, nurses, mechanics, etc.; nor does it mean that they will be socially maladjusted.

So there you are, dear reader. Follow Donna’s advice. Avoid those sinful government schools. Homeschool your kids, as you have been divinely commanded to do. Beat them when you must. Teach them creationism. They’ll grow up to be successful, and they’ll thank you for it.

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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11 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #752: You Must Homeschool

  1. Marmee March

    I’m a homeschooling mom, and a Christian who is conservative both theologically and socially (not necessarily politically). However, I thank God for science and could be described as a theistic evolutionist, or evolutionary creationist. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to try to find science resources suitable for education in the home as opposed to a classroom setting that aren’t YEC or Intelligent Design Theory. Even the Roman Catholics can’t seem to manage it. The BioLogos website is addressing this problem, but it’s too late for so many parents whose children are grown. This is my first exposure to your website, and I hope to find useful resources, analysis, or commentary. Thank you.

  2. “When mature, they will make their own decisions — hopefully the right ones.”
    Interesting statement. Obviously the writer thinks that this right-wing homeschooling will provide more than enough propaganda for their children to be totally brainwashed into doing god’s way, and yet she’s hedging her bet and presumes these children, when making their own decisions, will make “hopefully the right ones.” Maybe she’s afraid that someday these children will actually see the light and realize they’ve wasted all those years on biblical myths.

  3. Michael Fugate

    Marmee, there are many more online resources than ever before.
    Here is a good place to start:

    Donna sure has an affinity for ignorance – feel sorry for her children.

  4. Dam*, I should have home-schooled my kids. Then I could have told them Ganesh was the cutest little sky fairy ever. Oh, wait, I did that and they grew up to be atheists. Where did I go wrong? I hope Ganesh hasn’t got a lake of fire to chuck me into in a few years.

  5. cnocspeireag

    To paraphrase an ancient joke, being homeschooled doesn’t mean children will be socially maladjusted, but it sure as hell helps.

  6. In homeschooling our children, we supplied them standard educational resources from the nearby university library collection for education majors.

    We tried to instill moral values of the secular christian kind. Secular (or generic, lower case) christianity has two commandments. 1) Never take up more than one parking space. 2) Always be kind to drunks. You may notice those constitute a facetiously phrased but subtly serious paraphrase of the Golden Rule.

    Other than that, their religious instruction consisted of encouragement to explore religious traditions and feel free to adopt one, or not. The girl became an Orthodox Jew, and the boy became an atheist. Both of them follow the Golden Rule.

  7. @Marmee March: This is just an idea, but around the time when a semester begins you could go to a local university, get their schedule of classes, find classes that would fit in with your kid’s interests. Then go to the college bookstore and purchase the text books for those classes. At least the qualitative aspects of biology and evolution can be studied in such a manner. (A few problems qualitative aspects of biology might pose more difficulty. Your student may not be ready for college level texts.)

  8. I’m sure DeVos will strive to help these poor Floridians, and Trump will throw in a few billions as well.

  9. Hans Weichselbaum

    To Marmee March: Welcome to this blog. The Sensuous Curmudgeon has an immense resource on any creationist/ID related topic. Working on a philosophy thesis associated with this topic I find this blog very helpful. As a Christian I also appreciate that the author does not characterise religion as is fashionable with the New Atheist movement.

  10. Ross Cameron

    The problem with homeschooling as i see it, is that raising kids in a rarefied atmosphere does little to prepare them for later life mixing with the Great Unwashed. Notice how creos pick n choose which parts of the OT aka A Jewish Tribal Myth that they follow. Never mind the butchery and rape that their god recommends–just follow whatever suits your fancy and ignore the rest. Always a pleasure to watch Nuttery in action.

  11. Dave Luckett

    I wonder if there are any hard figures that bear on the quality of the education achieved by home-schooling? Comparison of outcomes, by some objective standard, I mean, with a meaningful sample and reasonably rigorous terms.