Creative Challenge #38: Creationist Nightmare

Professional creationist make a comfortable living by telling their drooling supporters that evolution is nonsense, and … well, you know the rest. But deep down, the scammers know that their racket is vulnerable. They’re always worried about what scientists may find that will totally destroy their sleazy livelihood — or at least diminish creationism to the status of the Flat Earth Society.

Today’s challenge is to identify the weakest link in creationism. We’ve previously discussed that they live in terror of the day when scientists will actually create life in the lab — but the creationists are ready for that one. They’ll claim that what happened in the lab didn’t happen naturally — it was accomplished by intelligent design.

We’ve also thought that the discovery of life elsewhere in the galaxy would sink the creationists’ ship, because they claim that Earth was uniquely created to be congenial to life. But creationists are gearing up for that one too, by claiming that the discovery of un-intelligent life wouldn’t prove anything. Even intelligent life could be dismissed as not created “in his image,” and their game would go on.

There has to be something that would totally demolish creationism. But what would it be? The form of today’s challenge is that you must tell us, with reasonable brevity:

What scientific discovery would put an end to creationism forever?

You know the rules: You may enter the contest as many times as you wish, but you must avoid profanity, vulgarity, childish anatomical analogies, etc. Also, avoid slanderous statements about individuals. Feel free to comment on the entries submitted by others — with praise, criticism, or whatever — but you must do so tastefully.

There may not be a winner of this contest, but if there is, your Curmudgeon will decide, and whenever we get around to it we’ll announce who the winner is. There is no tangible prize — as always in life’s great challenges, the accomplishment is its own reward. We now throw open the comments section, dear reader. Go for it!

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25 responses to “Creative Challenge #38: Creationist Nightmare

  1. I think creationism is impervious to any scientific finding, because the interpretability of the Bible/Quran in combination with the freedom to allude to miracles forms an impenetrable armour. People who believe in a 6000-year old earth and a boat saving all animals from a worldwide flood have already sacrificed all of science and reason for their beliefs.

    Creationism will wither (if not die) when fewer people indoctrinate their children with religion, and/or when the tightly-knit subcommunities where it is prevalent fall apart due to migration to the cities.

  2. If creationism were a matter of a concepts, like a science, philosophy, theology, history, etc., then we could think of a discovery which overturn it. Perhaps a discovery of a living population of different species of the genus Homo.
    But my own feeling is that creationism will become obsolete, suddenly, from some change in popular culture, not closely connected with evolutionary biology, not even something like the origin of life. It will certainly not be due to a change in rationality. My guess is that there will be something which is perceived as a greater threat, perhaps an understanding of how the mind works. Or maybe a manuscript which is a precursor of the Bible, a fragment of P (of the Documentary Hypothesis) or Q (the Sayings Gospel).

  3. Michael Fugate

    Everyone becoming an atheist?

  4. “a fragment of P (of the Documentary Hypothesis)”
    I cannot see how that would shake the faith of a fundamentalist. Let me suppose an extreme case, that well-authenticated copies of both the P and J versions of the flood story were found. I could simply say that each of these is derived from the original true and complete story by the loss of information (possibly because of the Second Law of Thermodynamics) that inevitably attends successive copying over time. However, the Inspired Author (Moses, or whomever I favour), managed to assemble from these corrupt versions the even more true and complete story we find in our modern KJVs.

  5. That the Bible was actually written by an infinite number of monkeys at typewriters over an infinite period of time

  6. I don’t think such evidence exists. Heck, when they found fossils were old, one of their first go-tos was, “Satan buried them to confuse Christians,” and there are STILL people who believe that to be the case.

  7. docbill1351

    Easy answer: None.

    It’s the Kurt Wise Defense – if all the evidence in all the Universe supported evolution (which it already does, by the way), Kurt would still believe in the Bible. So he said.

  8. The discovery that God exists and he states that evolution is how he did it.

  9. On the same day, the New York Times and the Washington Post publish editorials denouncing godless Darwinism and endorsing the literal reading of Genesis as the only news fit to print, while at the same time MSNBC, CBS, The Huffington Post, &c. make the same declaration–AND, within hours, President The Donald fires off a 3AM tweet with his knee-jerk dismissal of the MSM for yet again promulgating Fake News, bigly.

  10. The Curmudgeon asks “What scientific discovery would put an end to creationism forever” . The publication of Principles of Geology by Charles Lyell AND an educational system that teaches ALL students to think logically.

  11. I agree with Draken. Creationism, ironically, keeps evolving in response to the forces of ideological selection. It will always have a fallback position.

    Of course, if it evolves far enough, it may reach the point where, while still technically creationist, would consist of beliefs present-day creationists would regard as rankest heresy.

  12. Ross Cameron

    The discovery of a vacant area in the brain?

  13. “The discovery that God exists and he states that evolution is how he did it.”
    They would call Him Satan.
    Creationism is unbeatable. However it may go extinct gradually.

  14. Gwyllm Griffiths

    No scientific discovery will ever change a committed creationist’s mind. Now, if God himself appeared in the skies over The Creation Museum and publicly proclaimed, as a matter of direct divine revelation, that YEC was BS, then perhaps… hmmmm. On second thought, nahhhh. The creationists would claim that the divine manifestation was a holographic projection engineered by aliens, or maybe the FFRF.

  15. Archaeologists are puzzled by the significance of the April First tablet, a cuneiform tablet dating to around 1400 BCE, recently discovered in the foundations of the Great Zigurrat of Ur. A tentative translation, still controversial, is as follows:

    “From Moses, shop steward of the Bricklayers’ Union, Land of Goshen, greetings.

    From my measurements of the sedimentology of the Nile Delta, I estimate that the Great River has been in existence in its present course for at least three million years. Concerning the origin of mankind, I am now convinced that we, the jabbering creatures of West Africa, and the knuckle-walking giants who live beyond Numibia are different species of the same family.

    However, I AM of the Burning Bush has told me to come up with a simplified version of the story, which my members will be more capable of understanding.

    I wonder if there is anything suitable among your own traditional mythology.

    HE has also told me that there were no rabbits in the Precambrian. How does this compare with your own records?”

    Biblical scholars at the Institute of Creationist Research are puzzled as to the meaning of the terms “sedimentology”, “creatures of West Africa”, “knuckle-walking giants”, “species”, and “Precambrian”.

  16. Religion has no weakness as there are an unlimited number of sheeple out there who are scared of living (& death as that is part of living). So there are always those that like comfortable lies!

  17. Eddie Janssen

    I think creationism will have serious problems when a super-advanced (non all-powerful) civilization confirms it is responsible for life on earth and its subsequent evolution.
    This of course equals Intelligent Design but not the sort the DI wants. It will make it extremely difficult to explain the Christian God or Allah.

  18. Thinking this debate is about science is entirely the wrong approach. Creationism like religion is all about human nature. Creationists will do just fine, appealing to the stupidity and gullibility of humanity is always a safe bet, witness the recent Presidential election not to mention the constant need of the masses to be reassured. Now over time the pool of candidates that buy into this drivel will certainly continue to diminish, thank you science but there’s always some rube just around the corner willing, no make that wanting to be taken in by a grifter. They practically are begging for their money and souls to be taken.

  19. Oh, this is too easy. The finding would be of a creationist with a working brain. “Long thought impossible by the scientific community, a professed creationist has been proven to have a complete working brain by fMRI scans. This proves that having a brain and being a creationist is not totally incompatible.”

  20. Mark Germano

    “The discovery that God exists and he states that evolution is how he did it.”

    As the old joke goes, that would just prove the conspiracy goes all the way to the top.

  21. A working lie detector.

  22. I vote Ken Phelps for winner of this contest.

  23. I beg to differ.
    A problem is that people want to be lied to.
    Speakers often enough see no need to cover up their lies. Speakers are called “straightforward” to the degree that tell the lies that people want to hear.

  24. Ah, but I wanted to attach a loudspeaker to the detector that, for every lie, beams “TOOOOOOT!!! YOU ARE WRONG!!”.

  25. “What scientific discovery would put an end to creationism forever?”

    Easy.

    Time travel.

    On the one hand, scientists can gather direct, “observational” evidence of the origin and development of life over the billions of years of earth’s history, and on the other Ken Ham can see for himself what was going on in the Fertile Crescent 5-6,000 years ago, at the time of the “flood” and at other moments of interest.