Creationist Wisdom #758: No Kin to Humans

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Santa Rosas Press Gazette of Milton, Florida, and it’s titled Thoughts on evolution and Easter. The newspaper has a comments feature, but there aren’t any comments yet.

Because the writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote her by using her full name. Her first name is Chrys. Excerpts from her letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

The controversy, evolution vs. creationism, will continue ’til Kingdom comes. As Easter approaches, I recall reading about a conversation three (fictional) monkeys had years ago.

Then there’s an editor’s note that says: “See ‘The Monkey’s Disgrace,’ author unknown.” So we Googled for it. It’s a poem. You can read it here: The Monkey’s Disgrace. Okay, back to the letter. Chrys says:

One was very upset with those believing humans descended from them. He was quick to say no one in the monkey’s noble race ever deserted his wife, starved her babies; no mother monk ever left her babies with others to bunk, or pass them from one to another ’til they scarcely knew who was their mother!

Yes, monkeys are wonderful. Chrys tells us more about them:

With the heinous crimes, murders and violence rampant in America, disrespect for police and law enforcement, the monkey adamantly declared nor would a monk go out at night or use a gun, club or knife to take another monkey’s life!

They fling poo instead. So what? Chrys finishes telling the monkey story:

The truth that that monkey emphasized was man descended, the ornery cuss, but, brother, he didn’t descend from us! He was right on!

Okay, so now we’re told that monkeys don’t believe in evolution. They go around saying: “I ain’t no kin to no human!” Very cute. Where is Chrys going with this? Let’s read on:

Wouldn’t it be great if all believed in God Almighty, Creator, (whom) [sic] Christians celebrate at Easter?

Would that make us more like monkeys? Another excerpt:

Many are floundering, wondering from where they came, what they’re doing here and where they’re going! The Greatest Book ever written — the Holy Bible, never to be superseded, God’s love letter to mankind — answers all these and other questions anyone might have, Hallelujah!

That story about the monkeys was a wonderful lead to that. Now we’re at the end of the letter:

Seek Him while He is near. Wise men still do seek Him! God bless us all as only He can. Maranatha!

If that last word puzzles you, it’s Aramaic, often translated as “Our Lord, come!” Wikipedia has an article on it: Maranatha. If the whole letter puzzles you, you’re not alone.

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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15 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #758: No Kin to Humans

  1. Chimpanzees, at any rate, can be violent and murderous. A type of monkey, no? But not poetic ones, just real world. Oh, and it’s perfectly possible to still retain a religious belief, if you must, without being naively uninformed.

  2. I found this cartoon in a somewhat similar vein. I remember seeing it years ago somewhere.

  3. Ross Cameron

    As Chris writes, chimps have one thing in common with humans. They can both be cannibals. Funny there`s no mention of cannibalism in the bible. Maybe the writers of certain folk tales never got to travel around the world.

  4. Chimps going to war:

    It’s the noble bonobos who are the pacifists. Chrys’ god rewards them with extermination.

  5. Reggie Rolltide

    “Maranatha,” though apparently written as one word in English, is actually two Aramaic words. Curmudgeon correctly translates it as ‘Lord, come’ –marana, tha. Note that the term could also be parsed as ‘maran, atha.’ That would mean that ‘the Lord has come.’ That is the most interesting part of the letter to me.

  6. davidambrose66

    This person says “many are floundering, wondering from where they came…..”. Well, as I have told counties people over my 69 years, OK not all of the years, but at least since I was about 14 or so, when asked where I came from, I told them the truth. I just said I came from my parents. Now, most often the person really wanted to know what state or region I was originally from. Well, smart kid I tried to be, I took the question more literally. In truth, I did come from my parents and I still have a copy of my actual birth certificate to prove my point.
    I don’t have any doG to worship. I do like dogs, but I prefer cats more. This person who posted her comments to this paper would be quite upset with my reply to her asking me where I came from, my parents, NOT her personal doG. I rather be from a cat than her doG any day. But hat the heck, I’m just an old broken down (physically) former Marine/Vietnam vet, machinist on the fast downhill side of this life, and when it is over, I’ll probably go back to wherever I was before my parents made me, to nothing at all. No wonder I like the ending song from “Life of Brain” by Monty Python.
    Sorry for taking so long to make my point, I DO talk too much, even in person.

  7. davidambrose66

    This Chrys person says, “many are floundering, wonder from where they came…..”. Well, for the majority of my 69+ years, at least since about age 13/14, when asked where I came from I have told countless people the truth. Yes, I tell them that I came from my parents. They did make me after all. I even have a copy of my official birth certificate to prove this truth. I have zero need for her personal doG.
    Now in truth, I do like dogs, but I still prefer cats to any other animal. Oh, if I could have a pet Bengal, or better yet, Siberian Tiger as a house cat pet, WOW! In reality that is totally unrealistic, so I am just happy to have any house cat to share my home with.
    This Chrys may believe she comes from her personal doG, but I bet even she really came from her parents. Wonder if they still enjoy her company.
    Now I do realize that when folks have asked me where I am from, they almost always mean what state or region I was born in. Well being an old smart a**, I still enjoy telling any who ask me that question that I come from my parents, even though they are both dead many years now. Yeah, ain’t I a stinker?.LOL, yep, I are.

  8. Maybe Chrys would be entertained by the Planet of the Apes movie series. He could watch them on easter.

  9. I guess monkeys really don’t believe in evolution. They probably don’t believe in calculus, quantum physics or Einstein’s theory of relativity either.

  10. That ridiculous poem. I just have to waste my time on it.

    No monkey has ever deserted his wife,
    Starved her babies, and ruined her life

    Many apes have a harem, guess that answers ‘deserting a wife’. As for killing babies, google ‘infanticide primates’. It’s surprisingly common.

    And you’ve never known a mother monk,
    To leave her babies with others to bunk,
    Or pass them on from one to the other ,
    Till they scarcely know who is their mother

    In ape colonies, the young are often babysat by others.

    And another thing you’ll never see,
    A monk build a fence ’round a coconut tree,
    And let the coconuts go to waste,
    Forbidding all other monks to taste

    Many animals, including apes, are perfectly capable of creating a territory full of valuable resources and letting no one pass if they can prevent it- even if there is an abundance of food inside the invisible fence.

  11. Ah, hnohf, monkey don’t unbelieve in evolution, calculus, quantummechanics and relativity either!

  12. Confused? Dazed? If so, you may be ready to be a creationist! Why would we expect coherence from people who insist on believing in fairy tales and who are so into confirmation bias that documents that are considered apocrypha quickly become “Christina tradition” if needed to support an argument.

    “Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” “When I use a word, it means what I choose it to mean – neither more nor less.” Proof we now live in a Carrollian/Christian universe.

  13. Exactly. If creacrappers were capable of coherence they wouldn’t be creacrappers.

  14. Sorry for the double postings. It seems that WordPress doesn’t like me much lately. Probably because I don’t use it very often. Again, please accept my honest apology Mr. Curmudgeon, I’ll do my best to never let this happen again.

  15. @mnbo
    I wonder whether the better phrase is “capable of” or “interested in”.