British Tabloid Reports Alien Base on Venus

The Daily Express, a national tabloid newspaper headquartered in London, has another attention-grabbing headline: SHOCK CLAIM: Venus is a SECRET BASE for aliens and NASA, documentary says, and they have a comments section. This isn’t about creationism, but hey — it’s the weekend! Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis:

VENUS is being used as a secret base by aliens or by NASA as an intergalactic outpost, according to a new documentary.

NASA has an intergalactic outpost? Intergalactic? That sounds incredible, but it’s in a documentary and it’s reported in a newspaper. It must be true! The tabloid says:

Photos appear to show structures on the barren surface of the second rock from the Sun, indicating an intelligent presence. NASA falls [tells?] the world that Venus is unimaginably hot and windy, making it inhospitable. But the film, compiled using images released by both NASA and a Japanese space probe, reveals perfectly rectangular structures.

Perfectly rectangular structures! After that they tell us:

The narrator [of the documentary] said: “There’s always been an eerie blackout when it comes to Venus. You don’t hear a lot about it. It’s a planet that I believe is shrouded in secrecy for a reason. According to NASA, Venus is a fiery planet with an extremely hot surface. It may have been like Earth once but it’s suffering from a runaway greenhouse gas effect. But there appears to be a part of it that’s liveable. Where biological entities could be living. There are some structures there.

Why have we never been told about those structures? The tabloid continues quoting the documentary:

Venus has a lot of white craters that seem to have a lot of structures in them. I believe it’s a base. Nature doesn’t create symmetrical shapes, but this is a perfect shape. It’s raised up off the ground. These bases with square structures show evidence of intelligent design.

Intelligent design? Aha — we have a creationist connection after all. This is fantastic! Let’s read on:

Because the giant planet is believed to have once had the conditions to support life, it is thought some of the structures may have been left over from past existences.

Venus is a giant planet? We’ve always been told it’s not quite as large as Earth. Our professors have been lying to us! Here’s the rest of the story:

Due to the media blackout surrounding Venus, it is also seen as a potentially perfect location for secret bases. The voiceover states: “If I was going to put a secret base I would pick the one that’s the least visited and talked about where I could have a base and do it in secret. I think there is a rich history behind Venus. These finds need to be looked into further.”

The tabloid article has lots of pictures and videos. We urge you to check it all out. This could be the biggest news of the century!

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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11 responses to “British Tabloid Reports Alien Base on Venus

  1. The Express used to be a genuine, right-of-centre newspaper–until porn mogul Richard Desmond bought it about a dozen years ago; since that time, it has been burrowing its way ever deeper into the gutter.

    But I swear, it’s got far worse since the vote on Brexit–which, of course, it vehemently championed with all the bollocks that one has come to expect from that rag.

    Rue, Britannia!

  2. A base on Venus? NASA can’t even put anyone in low earth orbit without buying a ride from the Russians!

  3. Ross Cameron

    What`s secret about something that can be seen? Put them on the back of the moon. Hold on, maybe they are there? 🙂

  4. NASA also says that Venus is far hotter than Earth because of a super greenhouse affect, like the one responsible for climate change here but about 100 times bigger. But if Venus is habitable, the Venus greenhouse must be a hoax! That just proves it! How could the Daily Express have overlooked that!? They must be part to the conspiracy too! It’s not global warming, it’s a global conspiracy!

  5. The frightening thing is that there probably fair numbers of people who’d believe that. After all, look at what creationists swallow.

  6. Yeah, I thought when I saw Venus glowing just before sunset a few months ago “Wow, what a neat place for aliens!” (Actually, steamed aliens, I think. I wonder if they’re as tasty as steamed asparagus.)

  7. There is a speculation about the possibility of life in the clouds of Venus. But its been several years that I’ve heard anything about that.

  8. Dave Luckett

    It’ll be some kind of another “face on Mars” artifact of digital reconstruction of an image. Remember that?

  9. Aha! Structures on Venus…Intelligent Design !

  10. And I suppose the space aliens built the Giants’ Causeway, since is made from hexagonal rock columns.

  11. Nature doesn’t create symmetrical shapes

    Idiot removal in aisle 1, stat!