This is shocking news, but we feel it’s our Curmudgeonly duty to report it. If you are the sensitive type, we urge you to avoid reading further.
The headline which captured our attention is Zimbabwean Pastor Eaten By 3 Crocodiles While Trying To Walk On Water Like Jesus. It appears at the website of Information Nigeria, and they have a comments section. Here are some excerpts from the news story, with bold font added by us for emphasis:
A pastor from a local church in White River Mpumalanga died this morning trying to demonstrate a biblical miracle to his congregants. Pastor Jonathan Mthethwa of the Saint of the last days church drowned into the crocodile River also know [sic] as the crocodile river and was seen by his church members getting eaten by 3 crocodiles.
We couldn’t find a website for that church, but we assume it’s a creationist denomination. Then the news story says:
“The pastor taught us about faith on Sunday last week. He promised he would demonstrate his faith to us today, but he unfortunately ended up drowning and getting eaten by 3 large crocodiles in front of us. We still don’t understand how this happened because he fasted and prayed the whole week.” said Deacon Nkosi, who is one of the church members.
Yes, it’s quite a mystery. Let’s read on:
It is said that Pastor Mthethwa walked into the water and when he was 30 meters inside the river, he attempted to ascend above the water so he can start walking, but the 3 crocodile appeared out of no where and started feasting on him.
What went wrong? The news continues:
“They finished him in a couple of minutes. All that was left of him when they finished eating him is a pair of sandals and his underwear floating above the water.” said Deacon Nkosi.
The only way we can make any sense of this is if the pastor was a closet Darwinist, so his faith wasn’t as strong as it should have been And now we come to the end:
ER24 [a private emergency medical care provider] responded to the scene 30 minutes after, but upon arrival, there was not much they could do as the man of god was already dead.
As we warned, it’s a shocking story. But the lesson is clear — your faith must be pure, or you will surely suffer the consequences.
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