More Bad Press for Ken Ham

This one is going to enrage Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

It’s in the Lexington Herald-Leader of Lexington, Kentucky, the second-largest city in the state, and they have a comments section. Their headline is Ark park’s cubit sticks holy relics for gullible of today. It was written by Roger Guffey of Lexington, who teaches math. We’ll give you some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis.

The article begins with the conversion of Constantine and his declaration that Christianity was the official religion of Rome. We’ll skip most of that until it gets to what’s relevant to Hambo:

Constantine was no fool and he realized that changing people’s minds to join a religion they once persecuted would not be easy. He decided that tangible objects related to the life of Christ would convince people to convert. He sent his mother, the 80-year-old Empress Helena, to the Holy Land in 326 AD to gather relics with links to Christ.


A thriving trade in relics sprang up and any church worth attending had to have its own relics. The current list of Christian relics includes the crown of thorns, a vial containing drops of Christ’s blood, the head of John the Baptist, the veil of Veronica, the Mandylion, the finger of the Apostle Thomas and my personal favorite, the holy foreskin. Needless to say, many unscrupulous charlatans counterfeited relics and passed them off as real for a healthy profit, a practice that continues to this day.

Okay, holy relics are a good scam. Where does Hambo fit into this? It’s coming — right now:

Fast-forward 1,700 years. Religious-themed parks and attractions have supplanted the quaint idea of holy relics and two of the most famous, the Creation Museum and the Ark Encounter, are located in Kentucky. I have never attended either, but I do have a question: What exactly is the point of them?

The point? Hambo says he’s on a holy mission to save us from the godless lie of evolution and millions of years. Doesn’t Roger agree? Apparently not. He says:

People who do not ascribe to religious beliefs will not be converted even if they go to the sites. If anything they will laugh at the naïve tomfoolery. … The ark replica is not made of gopher wood, is not lined with pitch and was built by hundreds of workers using power tools. There is no biblical basis to account for the majestic prow.

Imagine the effect on ol’ Hambo as he reads this. He’ll be red in the face, foaming at the mouth, and rolling around chewing the carpet. Oblivious to Hambo’s enraged contortions, Roger tells us:

Most believers will not have their faith bolstered by attending these sites because they are only the results of human imagination. Still, many will be glad to shell out beaucoup bucks for a stick one cubit long, about 18 inches. Unless UK begins reporting the heights of its basketball team in cubits, I am not sure of the utility of having a cubit stick.

We searched for — and found! — the cubit stick at Hambo’s gift shop. Here’s the link: Construction Cubit. One of those can be yours for only $19.99. A genuine holy relic! What else does Roger say?

The only reason to build and operate these attractions is simple: to make money. [Gasp!] When these projects were proposed and submitted to the government for tax incentives, the public was assured that they would generate hundreds of jobs and millions of dollars, but recent reports have found little evidence of either.

Hambo ain’t gonna like this! Here’s the end of Roger’s article:

I am a devout Presbyterian who tries to follow the teachings of Christ, and I have just one question for the purveyors of these Biblical attractions: If Jesus Christ returned tomorrow, where would he spend his time: helping the sick, dying and impoverished or rummaging through some money-grubbing tourist trap that cynically preys on people’s faith to make a profit?

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! We look forward to Hambo’s response.

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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18 responses to “More Bad Press for Ken Ham

  1. “Hambo’s response”? Odds are heavy that there won’t be any. Why should he waste his time responding to some heathen’s criticisms when the faithful are lining up to be fleeced?

  2. Michael Oenner

    My only question for Mr. Ham: does it actually float?

  3. Dave Luckett

    Michael Oenner: and if it would float, for how long would it stay afloat?

  4. [Cubit] Design features a traditional construction design.

    Uh, what does Ham base his “traditional construction design” of a cubit on? There are several examples in museums, but nothing that looks like Ham’s cubit with a cute carving of Noah’s hand. And what is it made of, gopher wood? Furthermore, there are several lengths assigned to the cubit:

    an ancient measure of length, approximately equal to the length of a forearm. It was typically about 18 inches or 44 cm, though there was a long cubit of about 21 inches or 52 cm.

  5. Meh. The fake Ark only needs to hold on for a couple of years, to line his retirement purse. When the thing goes down he always can blame evil secularists like our dear SC.

  6. The “ark” is an argument that a creationist interpretation of Genesis is implausible: using today’s technology, and a lot of money, the builders have given up on building an object of wood which can house samples of all kinds of air-breathing vertebrates for a year-long flood. A 10-year-old is going to be disappointed in not seeing the pair of giraffes sticking their heads up, or a pair of lions (maybe an older kid will be reminded that lions, among other mammals, thrive only in larger groups of many adults and their young). Even an adult should notice that this thing wouldn’t stand a chance in water.

  7. Michael Fugate

    Noah was a holy person and his ark floated. Ken’s ark doesn’t float. Draw your own conclusion.

  8. How do you know that Ham’s Ark isn’t made of gopher wood,given that no one knows what gopher wood actually is?

  9. Why would Ham make a Big Deal of it being made of mostly wood, anyway, only to have to resort to modern non-wood material? If I were designing one, I’d just admit up front that I didn’t know what gopher wood was, so I’d have to make do.

  10. “Constantine was no fool and he realized that changing people’s minds to join a religion they once persecuted would not be easy.” Xtian BS once again! There was no Roman persecution of christianity, but they did not TOLERATE religious Aholes violating their laws and customs.

  11. Ross Cameron

    Speaking of holy foreskins—-At last count there were 34 churches across Europe claiming to have jesus` foreskin. Since we know the pope and the Roman Catholic church wouldn`t lie, then Jesus must have had the biggest doodad in the history of mankind

  12. Do you have a reliable source for that? Wikipedia (which is not infallible, I know) says that there are no places making that claim recently, and the largest number that they mention in the past is 18. Obviously, I am not defending any such claims, even 1 is ridiculous. (But the best word is attributed to Voltaire.)

  13. Being agnostic I find the most egregious offense of Hambo’s park, apart from the bad religion, is that the tax payer picked up a chunk of the cost for this non-floating land locked folly.

  14. Michael Penner

    Probably longer than his credibility. Everyone knows arks are bigger on the inside than the outside anyway. 🙂

  15. Don’t drink the Ark-aid!

  16. techreseller

    Roger is now my favorite writer on ol’ Hambo. Sorry Curmie. You are still my favorite blogger.

  17. Gopher wood – isn’t that a driver used by a member of the Univ. of Minnesota golf team?

    Anyway, if the traffic to see the Ark slows, Ham could always rebrand it as the world’s largest (and strangest-looking) wedding chapel.