Answers in Genesis: Behold the Giraffe

Those of you who still cling to the godless theory of evolution will undoubtedly change their minds after reading this stunning article from the creation scientists at Answers in Genesis (AIG) — the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia. AIG’s article is titled Giraffes: Towering Testimonies to God’s Design, written by Karin Viet.

The last time we wrote about her brilliant creation research was Answers in Genesis: Behold the Platypus. Here are some excerpts from her new essay, with bold font added by us for emphasis:

Towering tall over the African savanna, the giraffe looks as if it belongs in the circus. It strolls on stilt-like legs, and its neck parades high in the sky. But the giraffe is no comic freak of nature. It displays divine design.

[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] Divine design! Then she says:

Since the giraffe gives birth standing up, the newborn calf falls more than five feet to the ground. Within 15 minutes after the calf is born, it stands up on those gangly legs.

Amazing! Karin tells us more wonders about the giraffe. We’ll skip most of it until we come to this:

Jean Lamarck and later Charles Darwin proposed that a giraffe evolved a long neck by inheriting traits acquired through use and disuse. Darwin thought a drought could have led to early giraffes needing to stretch their necks to reach leaves in tree tops. But today, through a greater understanding of heredity, we know that a giraffe with a stretched neck from reaching wouldn’t pass on that characteristic to its offspring.

A modified idea suggests that the long neck evolved through mutation and natural selection, which favored those giraffes that could reach higher branches. Such an idea raises the question: What did the younger giraffes eat, and why do giraffes even today often eat at shoulder height and below? More importantly, the proposed progression from short to long-necked giraffes is absent from the fossil record.

Verily, the long neck of the giraffe is an abominable mystery! Well, Wikipedia’s article on the Giraffe mentions some ancestral predecessors, but what do they know compared to Hambo and his holy team? Karin tells us:

Evolutionists also encounter a design dilemma for the evolution of a long neck. That six-foot neck requires an intricate blood vessel system to maintain proper blood pressure between the heart and brain. A giraffe bending its neck down to drink water is a marvelous display of design. The 25-pound heart that pumps blood way up that neck against gravity suddenly pumps down with gravity, which should cause the delicate brain to explode. But the blood vessels are uniquely designed with reinforced walls, bypass valves, a cushioning web, and sensor signals to moderate the pressure when the giraffe bends its neck down. The reverse of this intricate system happens when the giraffe raises its head so that the pressure is regained and the giraffe doesn’t pass out.

Wowie — the neck is designed so the giraffe’s head doesn’t explode! Karin continues:

Ken Ham penned the problem for evolutionists:

[Karin quotes ol’ Hambo:] How many giraffes blew their brains to pieces when bending down — how many passed out as they lifted their heads, becoming food for the lions — until the special features somehow evolved? It’s obvious that the very first giraffes had to have these special features right from the beginning. If not, they wouldn’t have survived to pass them on to their offspring!

Yes, it’s obvious! Hambo is so wise! And now we come to the end:

The next time you visit the zoo, stop by the giraffe exhibit. With people gawking around you, discuss how the giraffe displays God’s handiwork. Look up that long neck, but don’t stop there. Draw your gaze up to the Creator and praise Him.

So there you are, dear reader. The next time some godless evolutionists tries to convince you of his Satanic theory, tell him about the giraffe!

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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28 responses to “Answers in Genesis: Behold the Giraffe

  1. Michael Fugate

    And one wonders why the supposedly intelligent designer decided to stick with the requisite 7 cervical vertebrae found in almost every mammal species – elongating each to great lengths. When said intelligence could have just added more – increasing flexibility like in birds.

    But that is apparently answered by this creationist genius R K Bentley. If every mammal doesn’t have 7, then there is no common descent. One exception proves God.
    http://rkbentley.blogspot.com/2015/11/most-mammals-have-7-cervical-vertebrae.html

  2. “How many giraffes blew their brains to pieces when bending down …”
    The ones who did didn’t any offspring …. can I say the dirty word. Can I? Yes? YES?
    Natural selection.

  3. Christine Janis

    “More importantly, the proposed progression from short to long-necked giraffes is absent from the fossil record.”

    Wrong (bell goes “dong”)

  4. So why are there no native giraffes outside of Africa when there are plenty of tall trees in the world? Seems a waste of good design to me.

  5. Christine Janis

    “But that is apparently answered by this creationist genius R K Bentley. If every mammal doesn’t have 7, then there is no common descent. ”

    What is entertaining here is the information about discrepencies in cervical count comes from the work of Emily Buchholtz (or, in Bentley’s case, most likely from a DI blog about this work), in which she discusses quite eloquently why mammals are usually constrained to 7 vertebrae and why this constraint has been relaxed in sloths and manatees.

  6. This is retarded even by AiG standards. “A modified idea”, as if it was just invented? Has Karin Viet just been teleported in from 1860 or so? And that “how many giraffes blew their brains” canard, really? You can do better than that, Ken.

  7. Michael Fugate

    Not to mention Emily Buchholtz is a Christian and obviously doesn’t find evolution incompatible with Christianity.

  8. And then there is the giraffe’s laryngeal nerve.

  9. Christine Janis

    “So why are there no native giraffes outside of Africa when there are plenty of tall trees in the world? Seems a waste of good design to me.”

    The designer wears many hats

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aepycamelus

  10. Christine Janis

    “And that “how many giraffes blew their brains” canard, really? ”

    They didn’t notice that the lights had changed

  11. Eric Lipps

    A modified idea suggests that the long neck evolved through mutation and natural selection, which favored those giraffes that could reach higher branches. Such an idea raises the question: What did the younger giraffes eat, and why do giraffes even today often eat at shoulder height and below?

    Gee, I don’t know. Why do I prefer to take my soup and vegetable cans from shelves at shoulder height or below instead of stretching waaay up to the topmost shelves?

  12. Drakes,
    I think you are onto something. Perhaps ridiculing all the obviously unintelligent (aka stupid) design flaws would help educate the droolers

  13. Not only did the designer stick with 7 cervical vertebrae, he/she/it stuck with the recurrent laryngeal nerve placement common to vertebrates, running it from the brain, down the neck, around the aorta in the chest cavity, and back up the neck to the larynx. In giraffes that’s about 15 feet. It’s a classic example of poor design, but is explainable in terms of fish ancestry. Be assured, however, creationists have their own distorted argument regarding the creator’s wisdom. One might also wonder why the creator made several (ahem!) kinds of giraffes.

  14. Besides the recurrent laryngeal nerve problem, a giraffe’s blood pressure is so high that if it lies on the ground for too long it will have a stroke. That doesn’t sound like very intelligent design to me.

  15. Why couldn’t the designer just make shorter trees?

  16. Michael Fugate

    And why couldn’t the designer put on a proper set of horns or antlers instead of the suessian things they have?

  17. Michael Fugate

    Why couldn’t the designer just make shorter trees?

    Ark building?

  18. A giraffe bending its neck down to drink water is a marvelous display of design. The 25-pound heart that pumps blood way up that neck against gravity suddenly pumps down with gravity, which should cause the delicate brain to explode.

    No, giraffe heads don’t explode, but this has been found to be a high risk factor with creationists who bend over to drink water. Indeed, stats show that 39% of creationist’s heads who drink water in that manner explode, and another 28% just lose their minds, so I’ve heard.

  19. @Michael Fugate

    “Ark building?”

    Brilliant! That proves that long necked giraffes were part of Gods plan all along! The one he had to come up with KNOWING how “The Fall” would happen….

    (BTW – you win the internet with that one)

  20. The Orchardist

    Is it really bad of me to want to see a giraffe’s head explode? Just once… and not all giraffes, only one. Rated PG of course.

    Am I the only one who thinks that Hambo’s arguments actually help explain natural selection rather than creationist design? He proposes such silly explanations that all it does is make me think of how evolution works.

  21. Dave Luckett

    I am slowly groping my way toward a hypothesis:

    Of course with Ham and his minions, there is an obvious explanation for their apparent complete inability to follow the simple implications of evolutionary theory. For them, the explanation is that there’s good money to be made from that inability. But what about their followers, who send them the money? How can they function at all, with such a level of cognitive dysfunction?

    I begin to think that an explanation might lie in a couple of related failures: one, inability to scale. Creationists function because they can handle the scale of events they actually experience, but they cannot extrapolate. Two, inability to perceive emergence – that is, the derivation of an effect from the interaction of two or more unrelated causes. Simple cause and effect they can handle. Integration they can’t. Again, it’s a step too far.

    This would explain why they can be quite successful at managing human-scale events in a simple cause-and-effect world, but are still unable to envisage any event on a larger or smaller scale in time or space, or to follow events with multiple interacting causes.

    But creationism is almost entirely a cultural phenomenon. People don’t become creationists by investigation and inquiry. It’s installed as a value. So these cognitive disabilities are not generally innate, although they may be in some cases. They are the products of culture.

    Well, that raises the question of how such a culture survives, when it operates to deprive its members of important cognitive abilities. I suspect that other abilities it disproportionately instills have compensating pragmatic value. Or maybe it is true that extrapolation beyond the everyday scale and perception of the interaction of several variables are not so very valuable after all, and clannishness, mutual alliance, and distrust of outsiders are more so.

    But now, how do I test the hypothesis?

  22. Darwin thought a drought could have led to early giraffes needing to stretch their necks to reach leaves in tree tops.

    No – that was Lamarck. Darwin was the other guy, the one who suggested natural selection as a mechanism.

  23. up /upup diferent. No one would adapt it casually. It can be an article of clothing, a food, a belief. The important feature is that it marks a true commitment to the group. To the outsider it can seem a silly thing about something trivial.

  24. @The Orchardist: indeed I began to read about Evolution Theory because it was so obvious to me that creationists are a bunch of liars and I wanted to be able to counter their crap.

  25. Richard Bond

    The giraffe’s neck contains an excellent example of a typical evolutionary bodge. It has the normal mammalian seven neck vertebrae, greatly elongated, but they are assisted by the top thoracic vertebra, which has moved to function as an eighth. Would it not be far more straightforward to design the beast with eight in the first place?

  26. Creationists/ID’ers have a pat answer to the problem “such-and-such is a dumb design”: We don’t know what are the the Motive, Means or Opportunity,
    In other words, they are telling us that there is nothing substantive in the Analogy of Design.

  27. @Dave Luckett: Well, that raises the question of how such a culture survives, when it operates to deprive its members of important cognitive abilities.

    It survives by largely ditching science. Powerful evidence for this is the state of muslim-majority countries, whose inhabitants are mostly religious fundamentalists, and which have massively turned away from science.

    This is especially well illustrated by the filthy-rich Gulf States which can hardly design the architecture of their own skyscrapers.

  28. Dave Luckett

    Joe Bageant argued that Scots-Ulsterman tradition was at the root of it. Anticlericalism – which was certainly a salient trait of that culture – very easily curdles into anti-intellectualism and contempt for all academic enquiry whatsoever. But if there’s anything those people have in spades, it’s clannishness and obstinacy, which may provide compensation.