AIG Has News for Colon Sufferers

You know it’s a slow news day when we blog about something like this. It comes from Answers in Genesis (AIG) — the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia. It’s titled Colon Grown with Adult Stem Cells, and was written by Troy Lacey and Avery Foley. Avery has a masters of arts in theological studies from Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary, which certainly qualifies her to discuss this subject.

But first, you may be wondering why AIG is writing about the colon. Well, they’ve just experienced the most humiliating month in their history. Ol’ Hambo got stomped on by the city of Williamstown, was threatened with the loss of millions in tax goodies by the state of Kentucky, and then had it revealed that his first year’s attendance was only one million visitors, not the 1.4 million he had been predicting. If you had a month like that, you too might find refuge today’s subject.

Okay, let’s dive right in. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis:

A recent ScienceDaily article highlighted groundbreaking research from the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital. … Children’s Hospital researchers grew human colon organoids (simplified organs from just a few stem cells). This is the first time that colon organoids have been successfully engineered. While other parts of the gastrointestinal tract have been grown from human pluripotent stem cells (hPSCs), the colon had been resistant to engineering attempts.

If you’re interested in colon engineering, here’s the article in ScienceDaily: Lab-grown human colons change study of GI disease. Then AIG quotes one of the researchers:

This could be very relevant for patients with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis. And because the microbiome, the organisms that live in our guts, are most concentrated in the colon, the organoids potentially could be used to model the human microbiome in health and disease.

Thrilling, huh? Want more? Okay, if you insist. AIG tells us:

GI tract conditions and diseases afflict 60–70 million Americans with some 20 million cases being chronic. The numbers throughout the rest of the world show similar cases per capita. Research in this area is extremely important for both upper and lower GI diseases and conditions.

Ah, now we understand. Hambo is reaching out to the colon sufferers, because he thinks they’re potential visitors to his ark. AIG’s article continues:

This exciting study is an example of observational science. [Hee hee!] These researchers have used what God has created to engineer an organoid to help fight against conditions and diseases that are a result of the Curse. The ability to do observational science is a great blessing from our Creator, who has made us in his image with a desire to discover, explore, engineer, create, and — in the case of medical research — study ways to alleviate suffering and cure disease.

In case you’re not familiar with AIG’s artificial distinction between “Operational” science vs. “Historical” (origins) science, see Common Creationist Claims Confuted. Let’s read on:

GI tract conditions and diseases — like all illnesses and diseases — are a result of man’s sin. God’s original creation was “very good” [scripture reference], but sin brought death and suffering into creation. But God, in his grace, has given us the tools and intellect to fight against the temporary effects of the Curse.

Got colon problems, dear reader? Blame it on Adam & Eve. Can we find anything amusing in AIG’s post? No, not really, so here’s how it ends:

There is a day coming when all sin, death, suffering, pain, and tears will be done away with [scripture reference]. Until that day, researchers and scientists can use what God has created, with God’s Word as their moral guide and the foundation for their thinking, to combat the effects of the Curse for his glory and the betterment of mankind.

And that, dear reader, is today’s spiritual lesson from AIG.

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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15 responses to “AIG Has News for Colon Sufferers

  1. So ultimately Adam and Eve died of Crohn’s disease, or just ulcerative colitis?

  2. DavidK
    Either way, death from bloody diarrhea is just under “being eaten alive” on my list of ways I’d prefer not to die.

  3. Michael Fugate

    Why is God still angry with Adam? Isn’t it time to move on?

  4. Charles Deetz ;)

    The colon is so well designed I had to get knocked out and a loong camera run thru it to make sure it wasn’t growing polyps or worse. The doctor didn’t advise me of my sinful nature that required the procedure, or the moral issue she faces every day in trying to subvert the creators designed pain-and-suffering.

  5. When will old Hambo finally admit that his entire religion is all due to the supposed fact that a very long time ago, two nudists took dietary advice from a talking serpent?

  6. Will someone please get the “collective heads of AIG” joke out of the way?

  7. So now we know. God gave us the useless colon so that we could finally find a way to stop it hurting or killing us. Thanks again, God.

  8. AiG clearly explains the Mysterious Ways of the Celestial Department of Corrections:

    God, in his grace, has given us the tools and intellect to fight against the temporary effects of the Curse.

    Wonderful! But surely, we should seek to emulate the example set by the Divinity? In other words: anyone convicted of any infraction, be it a major crime or the merest misdemeanor, should be forthwith sentenced to life imprisonment without possibility of parole. But: their cells should be supplied with an array of dismantled digging implements and disassembled firearms to enable those able to use their God-given intellects to escape!

  9. God, in his grace, has given us the tools and intellect to discover the true natural history of life.

  10. If we are made in the image of the xtian psychotic ahole then it is also a flimsy design that can’t last more then 100yrs! And gawd can go knock himself up! He did nothing it was hard working scientists that did the work!! I will give the xtian dimwits a little credit when they pray and a real verifiable incurable injury is fixed!

  11. Next time I take a dump, I will think of the Lord. The Lord is my laxative. Yea, though I press through the bowels of the shadow of vindaloo, I will fear no upheaval; for Thou fart with me.

    (I wanted to do something with “purgatory” here but I can’t make it fit in Psalm 23; somebody help!)

  12. Mark Germano

    They forgot to mention that a person can have a portion of his colon removed with only minor side effects! Sometimes! Great design!

    When a colon fails, one can also have a physician cut a hole in the abdomen and pull an end of the colon through that hole, so that one’s colon can empty it’s contents into a bag glued to the abdomen, always without warning! It’s a marvel of design!

  13. Ken Phelps | 3-August-2017 at 1:36 am |
    Will someone please get the “collective heads of AIG” joke out of the way?

    Hail Hydra!

    Sorry. Couldn’t resist.

  14. “scientists can use what God has created, with God’s Word as their moral guide and the foundation for their thinking,”

    God’s Word is the “foundation” for scientific thinking? Give us a few examples, Ham!

  15. That would be operational science, they can’t even get that right.