Eclipse Mania — WND: The End Is Nigh!

This is the third warning we’ve received from WorldNetDaily (WND) about the solar eclipse that will cross the US on 21 August. If you don’t yet know about it, here’s NASA’s eclipse page, where they have dozens of links to information.

WND’s last eclipse warning was Eclipse Mania — WorldNetDaily, Part 2, but we wanted to give this one a more appropriate title than merely calling it Part 3. As you know, WND is the flamingly creationist, absolutely execrable, moronic, and incurably crazed journalistic organ that believes in and enthusiastically promotes every conspiracy theory that ever existed.

Their new headline is Pastor: Eclipse signifies last days of ‘mockers’, and it’s labeled “WND EXCLUSIVE.” You can’t find this information anywhere else! Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis:

The “mockers” are coming out of the woodwork, but one pastor says their time is coming.

Then they tell us about a couple of eclipse mockers:

A sheriff in Oconee County, Georgia, posted a joking message on his Facebook page, saying he expected “each of you to begin panicking today.”

And another one:

… conspiracy theorist David Meade, is claiming the eclipse heralds the arrival of “Nibiru,” or “Planet X.” The planet, he predicts, will crash into the Earth on Sept. 23, 2017, leading to massive death and destruction

After that they tell us about the preacher who knows The Truth:

Mark Biltz, the man who discovered the “Blood Moons” phenomenon, shies away from specific predictions of this kind. But he argues it is similarly misguided to simply laugh off extraordinary signs in the heavens as having no meaning.

What is the meaning? WND quotes the rev:

I expect people who do not believe in the God of Israel to mock. Look where that got them in Noah’s day. To those who do believe and still mock, look at Lot’s family with the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. His was a completely different situation than Abraham’s family.

That’s what happens to mockers — they get what they deserve! In this next excerpt, the bracketed material is in the WND article:

“God said He created the sun, the moon and the stars for ‘signs’ at creation,” explained Biltz. “Yeshua [Jesus Christ] said in Luke 21 that there would be signs in the sun, moon and stars at His return. So I see this as a sign we should pay attention to of trouble ahead if we don’t repent as a nation.

We must repent! WND continues:

“I do not predict the future as much as I like to analyze the past,” he [Biltz] told WND. “But based on past patterns and biblical truths from both Judaism and Christianity we realize that we are definitely in the times of the Messiah. Even in Islam they believe the Mahdi is ready to appear as well. I would believe we are in the times of the Messiah even if there were no eclipse happening. The eclipse is just confirming this. God always warns before He brings judgment and these signs really are for the unbelievers and mockers so they will be without excuse.

Are you paying attention, dear reader? The eclipse is a warning to unbelievers and mockers. Another excerpt:

Indeed, Biltz argues contemporary geopolitical developments are providing plenty of signs the day of the Lord is approaching. “God declared in the last days Jerusalem would become a cup of trembling for all nations, which is exactly what is happening,” the pastor intoned. “Israel becoming a nation in a day was a fulfillment of end-times prophecy. Jerusalem being restored to Jewish hands in 1967 was a fulfillment of end-times prophecy. The Balfour declaration in 1917 and the first Zionist congress in 1897 are all signs the end times are closing in.

[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] Here’s more

Biltz suggests Americans should “enjoy” the eclipse, “as it has been 100 years since the last one.” In his view, it is not a cause for panic or worry. But he does say God is communicating with the faithful, warning them to repent. They ignore this warning, Pastor Biltz said, at their peril.

If you ignore the warning and fail to repent, it will be at your peril, dear reader. And now we come to the end:

“Remember the Scriptures, as it says in Psalms 89, that the moon is God’s faithful witness in heaven,” Biltz told WND. “As the moon darkens the sun know that dark times are ahead if we as a nation do not turn back to God and again keep covenant. There is plenty of mockery. Well, the mockers might as well enjoy the time while they can as their day is coming.”

Your Curmudgeon has done all he can by bringing you this information. There’s nothing more we can do except repent and hug the dogs as we await The End. Therefore, we bid you farewell, and as we always do with these doomsday posts, we close with this:

Thats all folks

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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12 responses to “Eclipse Mania — WND: The End Is Nigh!

  1. siluriantrilobite

    If the end is this near, there is no longer a need to pass the collection plate. Right?

    Sent from my iPad

  2. Mark Germano

    “But he does say God is communicating with the faithful…”

    Eclipse-based communication is the way of the future. I communicate with my kids by stepping in front of the television. Normally, the message is: “the time has come, my children. Are you ready for… dinner? Wash your hands.”

  3. At least this time the world is going to end during the day for those of us in the US so I won’t sleep through and miss it.

  4. Eddie Janssen

    “So I see this as a sign we should pay attention to of trouble ahead if we don’t repent as a nation.”
    Is the trouble ahead restricted to the US?

  5. “God said He created the sun, the moon and the stars for ‘signs’ at creation,” explained Biltz.

    This would be a lot more convincing if the relevant Bible verse,
    Genesis 1:16)>, weren’t written in the third person, making it clear that God didn’t say it.

    “Yeshua [Jesus Christ] said in Luke 21 that there would be signs in the sun, moon and stars at His return. So I see this as a sign we should pay attention to of trouble ahead if we don’t repent as a nation.”

    But there are always “signs” in the heavens, and idiots who interpret them as heralding the end of the world. And yet, here we still are.

  6. I was about to say, wouldn’t it make more sense if God sent his lunar messenger to Asia or Africa?

    But then again, wouldn’t it be smart if he made Gabriel appear to Polynesian heathen tribes rather than Catholic devotees all the time.

  7. By the way what’s with evangelicals calling the saviour ‘Yashua’ rather than Jesus? Trying to look literate? Scared that mispronunciation of the Creator’s name may cause pestilence and crop failure?

  8. The only thing that scares me about the eclipse is the possibility of a cloudy sky.

  9. Michael Fugate

    “So I see this as a sign we should pay attention to of trouble ahead if we don’t repent as a nation.”

    If there weren’t an eclipse coming up, would we need to pay attention less? or would there be no trouble?

    Everything and anything could be a sign of trouble ahead – like all prophecies, each is so inexact as to be useless.

  10. Mark Germano

    There’s another eclipse in the US on 8 April 2024. There’s at least a dozen around the world between now and then. is it the same message? Or, is one of them:

    “Good job, folks. Things look spectacular down there. Keep it up!”

  11. Michael Fugate

    Maybe the designer feels the need to boost tourism in John Day OR, North Platte NE and St. Joseph MO.

  12. With the increase traffic into the smaller area, some may well find judgement will be a valid out come!