The madness continues. Our last post in this series was Eclipse Mania — The Discoveroids, Part 3. The latest from the Discovery Institute is Solar Eclipses and Life, which has no author’s by-line. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis:
In previous posts in our solar eclipse series [links omitted] we touched on safe viewing methods, the mechanics of solar eclipses, and a couple of surprising coincidences. We also explained why the solar eclipses we enjoy from earth’s surface are the best in the solar system.
Wowie — we’ve got the best view in the solar system! Then they say:
The solar eclipse coincidences have been noted by astronomers, but most have treated them as mere coincidences. Some scientists are troubled by them. The popular British science writer and astronomer John Gribbin comments on solar eclipses in Alone in the Universe: Why our Planet is Unique:
At the present moment of cosmic time, during an eclipse, the disc of the Moon almost exactly covers the disc of the Sun. In the past the Moon would have looked much bigger and would have completely obscured the Sun during eclipses; in the future, the Moon will look much smaller from Earth and a ring of sunlight will be visible even during an eclipse. Nobody has been able to think of a reason why intelligent beings capable of noticing this oddity should have evolved on Earth just at the time that the coincidence was there to be noticed. It worries me, but most people seem to accept it as just one of those things.
[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] The Discoveroids tell us:
Yet other scientists consider these coincidences as pointing to a deeper truth.
[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] A deeper truth! What could it be? The Discoveroids continue:
The basic idea is that meeting the requirements for the habitability of the Earth for observers makes it more likely that solar eclipses are possible. [List of factors.] Thus, the players for a solar eclipse are on stage while the audience is watching in their comfortable theater.
[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] Then they ask a surprisingly lucid question:
Since there appears to be a physical basis for the solar eclipse coincidences, does this not remove the need for a design explanation?
We don’t have to wait very long for the Discoveroids’ answer. Here it is:
Not at all! It seems surprising on the chance hypothesis that the universe would be setup in a way that the most habitable locations would also be the best places to observe total solar eclipses. But this makes sense on the hypothesis that the universe is designed so that observers can enjoy total solar eclipses.
Yes — oh yes! — the universe was designed so we could enjoy the show! It’s the only possible explanation. It reminds us of the intelligent puddle proposed by Douglas Adams, which you can find here:
Imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, “This is an interesting world I find myself in — an interesting hole I find myself in — fits me rather neatly, doesn’t it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, may have been made to have me in it!”
Now that we’re all convinced of the Discoveroids’ theory, your Curmudgeon will give some advice that you won’t find anywhere else — certainly not at NASA’s eclipse page, where they have dozens of links to information.
We gave this advice before — in Supermoon Tomorrow: Aaaargh!! — and it protected you from harm. The same advice is even more applicable now that we are all threatened by the solar eclipse. For obvious reasons, we’ve changed a couple of words:
Werewolves! Vampires! Zombies! Volcanoes! Earthquakes! Floods! The rapture! Armageddon! The return of the ancient aliens! This may be the end of the world, as foretold in ancient scrolls and contemporary crop circles. Doomsday is upon us! For those of you who are wise enough to reject the false teachings of secular, materialist scientists, we herewith offer our Curmudgeonly advice, the result of years of solitary research. These five steps may save you:
If you follow our advice and if your heart is pure, you might survive the eclipse.
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