Eclipse Mania — The Discoveroids, Part 4

The madness continues. Our last post in this series was Eclipse Mania — The Discoveroids, Part 3. The latest from the Discovery Institute is Solar Eclipses and Life, which has no author’s by-line. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis:

In previous posts in our solar eclipse series [links omitted] we touched on safe viewing methods, the mechanics of solar eclipses, and a couple of surprising coincidences. We also explained why the solar eclipses we enjoy from earth’s surface are the best in the solar system.

Wowie — we’ve got the best view in the solar system! Then they say:

The solar eclipse coincidences have been noted by astronomers, but most have treated them as mere coincidences. Some scientists are troubled by them. The popular British science writer and astronomer John Gribbin comments on solar eclipses in Alone in the Universe: Why our Planet is Unique:

John Gribbin is real. Here’s the Amazon listing for that book. This is what the Discoveroids say is a quote from it:

At the present moment of cosmic time, during an eclipse, the disc of the Moon almost exactly covers the disc of the Sun. In the past the Moon would have looked much bigger and would have completely obscured the Sun during eclipses; in the future, the Moon will look much smaller from Earth and a ring of sunlight will be visible even during an eclipse. Nobody has been able to think of a reason why intelligent beings capable of noticing this oddity should have evolved on Earth just at the time that the coincidence was there to be noticed. It worries me, but most people seem to accept it as just one of those things.

[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] The Discoveroids tell us:

Yet other scientists consider these coincidences as pointing to a deeper truth.

[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] A deeper truth! What could it be? The Discoveroids continue:

The basic idea is that meeting the requirements for the habitability of the Earth for observers makes it more likely that solar eclipses are possible. [List of factors.] Thus, the players for a solar eclipse are on stage while the audience is watching in their comfortable theater.

[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] Then they ask a surprisingly lucid question:

Since there appears to be a physical basis for the solar eclipse coincidences, does this not remove the need for a design explanation?

We don’t have to wait very long for the Discoveroids’ answer. Here it is:

Not at all! It seems surprising on the chance hypothesis that the universe would be setup in a way that the most habitable locations would also be the best places to observe total solar eclipses. But this makes sense on the hypothesis that the universe is designed so that observers can enjoy total solar eclipses.

Yes — oh yes! — the universe was designed so we could enjoy the show! It’s the only possible explanation. It reminds us of the intelligent puddle proposed by Douglas Adams, which you can find here:

Imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, “This is an interesting world I find myself in — an interesting hole I find myself in — fits me rather neatly, doesn’t it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, may have been made to have me in it!”

Now that we’re all convinced of the Discoveroids’ theory, your Curmudgeon will give some advice that you won’t find anywhere else — certainly not at NASA’s eclipse page, where they have dozens of links to information.

We gave this advice before — in Supermoon Tomorrow: Aaaargh!! — and it protected you from harm. The same advice is even more applicable now that we are all threatened by the solar eclipse. For obvious reasons, we’ve changed a couple of words:

Werewolves! Vampires! Zombies! Volcanoes! Earthquakes! Floods! The rapture! Armageddon! The return of the ancient aliens! This may be the end of the world, as foretold in ancient scrolls and contemporary crop circles. Doomsday is upon us! For those of you who are wise enough to reject the false teachings of secular, materialist scientists, we herewith offer our Curmudgeonly advice, the result of years of solitary research. These five steps may save you:

1. Stay indoors and avoid looking directly at the Sun.

2. If you have a basement or storm cellar, get into it and don’t come out until daylight returns. Otherwise, crawl under the bed and stay there until it’s over.

3. During the eclipse — total or partial — turn off all electrical appliances, lights, computers, etc. Don’t even use a flashlight.

4. If you have a hoodie, wear it and don’t take it off until the eclipse is over.

5. Avoid all carnal temptations, because at such times one is especially susceptible to the Devil’s influence.

If you follow our advice and if your heart is pure, you might survive the eclipse.

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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18 responses to “Eclipse Mania — The Discoveroids, Part 4

  1. Finally, the DI have convinced me with their incontrovertible proof of ID! The materialist scales have fallen from my eyes!

    For how indeed could blind, undirected tectonic plates moving randomly just by chance alone position North America exactly where it belongs: north of South America!

    And if you wanton secularists still think that was just a coincidence, then look again, more closely. Could it be by chance alone that not only are North and South Carolina, and North and South Dakota, also correctly aligned–and moreover, their respective borders perfectly match one another, like a hand into a glove!

    And lo! Just look at how all 48 of the lower states perfectly fit together, like a seamless jigsaw puzzle, to form God’s own USofA! The odds against that happening by naturalistic continental drift alone is incalculably high! That would be like supposing a tornado could rip through an intellectual junkyard over a gym in Seattle and assemble a logical and coherent essay out of a heap of Klinghoffer’s poo-flingings and Denyse O’Leary’s word salads!

    And still, you depraved evilutionists aren’t convinced? “What about Alaska and Hawaii,” I hear you say. But that is only because you don’t realise that all 50 states were indeed perfectly joined together as one continent–until Adam sinned and was expelled from Eden–and Alaska and Hawaii cast into exile in punishment for our disobedience!

    Repent, ye sinners! Let’s bring those states home where they belong: Hawaii filling in San Francisco Bay, and Alaska to fill in the Gulf of Mexico!

  2. Megalonyx,
    You forgot how West Virginia is located to the west of Virginia and Antarctica moved to the direct opposite side of the planet from, wait for it … the Arctic!
    If that is not clear evidence of design then I don’t know what is.

  3. Retired Prof

    It takes something a lot more complex than a shadow to convince me of ID.
    Thanks to Megalonyx for his excellent evidence.

    It is corroborated by biology. For example, in all the parts of the world where Plasmodium falciparum, the malaria parasite, can survive, the Designer has supplied both human beings to nurture certain stages of the developing organisms and Aedes mosquitoes to support others, and to serve as vectors to infect other species. Such a baroque system of relationships could not have come about by accident. It had to be designed.

  4. So the people at DI believe in astrology? Good to know.

  5. Michael Fugate

    I think I get it now. Eclipses are the designer’s sinometer – telling us what state each population is in. A total eclipse is a sinometer rating of 0 (no sun) and indicates perfect goodness. No eclipse is a sinometer rating of 1 (full sun) and indicates utter depravity. The latter is our default state and it is only on those rare total eclipse days that we found ourselves in a state of grace and sinless. If you happen to live in the path, you will know what it is like to be Jesus for a day.

  6. I have to say, as a Canadian, I have to laugh a bit at the geographical comparison – early on in our country, Upper Canada was below Lower Canada, y’see. Clearly, Canada was an example of UNintelligent design.

  7. I kinda like it how the Designer did design a giant whopping dormant volcano right in a place where most of his beloved designees can admire its effects when it explodes.

    Thank you Designer!

  8. BTW I wonder if anyone ever calculated the chance that the average Earthling gets to see a total eclipse ever in his life, but I suspect it’s not that big.

  9. It’s refreshing to know that humans will be long gone before the moon can no longer totally eclipse the sun. I think that’s the DIs first testable prediction.

  10. Earth having a large moon very likely was very propitious for life to develop on Earth. The large moon stabilizes Earth’s axis tilt as well as early tides helped churn the oceans…not exactly proven but hey we’re here. In a universe with worlds without end, what appears to be a privileged planet becomes more obvious as a statistical outlier. The Moon of course could be quite a bit larger and still cause eclipses, so the fact that it is right on the cusp of eclipse and no-eclipse (depending on proximate part of elliptical orbits) doesn’t suggest a design.
    Of course the other part of the eclipse’s allure is that the only occur at the Moon’s nodes, otherwise eclipses would be commonplace and no more awesome than a sunset or just another phase of the moon. It turns out that this also is a property of the Earth-Moon double planet. The Moon’s orbit is more influenced from the sun so it follows the ecliptic rather than Earth’s equator. Nothing to see here folks, I might add it happens on Jupiter all the time.

  11. The DI’ers’ burbling over the eclipse is a perfect example of the human urge to see patterns in everything, and the related drive to see significance (the right kind of significance) in every perceived pattern.

    Since there appears to be a physical basis for the solar eclipse coincidences, does this not remove the need for a design explanation?
    Not at all! It seems surprising on the chance hypothesis that the universe would be setup in a way that the most habitable locations would also be the best places to observe total solar eclipses. But this makes sense on the hypothesis that the universe is designed so that observers can enjoy total solar eclipses.

    But throughout recorded history, most observers have been terrified of solar eclipses, rather than enjoying them. Only those pagan and heretic astronomers who noticed that they occurred predictably took a less panicky view.

  12. @dweller42
    My understanding is that Upper Canada got its name for being upper in the literal sense, as the Upper Nile, or High German, rather than its arbitrary orientation on a map, as the Upper Peninsula of Michigan or Alta California.

  13. As far as the best places to observe a total solar eclipse, that is dependent on time. There are total solar eclipses observable on Earth on Antarctica, and other places far from being habitable by humans. But right now, as is almost always the case, the shadow cast by the Moon is not on Earth.

  14. dweller42 notes

    early on in our country, Upper Canada was below Lower Canada, y’see. Clearly, Canada was an example of UNintelligent design.

    Not quite.

    In the Prelapsarian world, Upper Canada was correctly placed above Lower Canada–and remained so, long thereafter.

    The change occured in much more recent–and historical–times, most likely as divine punishment of Canada for belching form Justin Bieber…

  15. TomS reminds us

    There are total solar eclipses observable on Earth on Antarctica

    And that is proof positive that the Intelligent Designer (Blessed be He/She/It/Them!) is demonstrating to penguin theologians–who, after all, have a great deal of time while huddled together during the long six-month night of the Antarctic winter–that they indeed live on a Penguin-privileged Continent, which was fine-tuned for plump and flightless fowl!

    But if only the first penguin couple had not eaten the Forbidden Fish, then leopard seals and skuas would still be vegetarians…

  16. Mark Germano

    If a moon passes between a star and a planet and no one is there to see it, does it make an eclipse?

  17. cnocspeireag

    But the moon doesn’t always seem big enough to cover the sun exactly. The only perfectly aligned eclipse I have seen was an annular one, where the moon seems too small to cover the sun.

  18. Mark Germano wonders

    If a moon passes between a star and a planet and no one is there to see it, does it make an eclipse?

    Yes–but it is only visible to trees, which then promptly fall over at the sight in perfect silence.

    My intuition tells me this is so.