Creative Challenge #45: The Eclipse

The first American coast-to-coast total solar eclipse in a century will be this Monday — 21 August. Your best source of information is NASA’s eclipse page, where they have dozens of links to everything you need to know.

We’ve been amusing ourselves by posting about the bizarre reactions of creationists, but they don’t have any imagination — it’s all about doom, end times, and repentance. Boring! What we want is your interpretation of the celestial event.

To give you an example of what we’re looking for, we’ll offer our own opinion — the eclipse is a warning to creationists that they should repent.

Why do we say this? Isn’t it obvious? Look at the path of totality! It starts in Oregon, which isn’t very far from Discoveroid headquarters in Seattle; and it crosses Kentucky — close ol’ Hambo’s headquarters. What are the odds of that happening? The eclipse is a warning to creationists that they should abandon Oogity Boogity!

Okay, that was feeble — but it was just to get you started. We know you can do better. The form of today’s challenge is that you must tell us, with reasonable brevity:

What is the true meaning of the 21 August eclipse?

You know the rules: You may enter the contest as many times as you wish, but you must avoid profanity, vulgarity, childish anatomical analogies, etc. Also, avoid slanderous statements about individuals. Feel free to comment on the entries submitted by others — with praise, criticism, or whatever — but you must do so tastefully.

There may not be a winner of this contest, but if there is, your Curmudgeon will decide, and whenever we get around to it we’ll announce who the winner is. There is no tangible prize — as always in life’s great challenges, the accomplishment is its own reward. We now throw open the comments section, dear reader. Go for it!

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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14 responses to “Creative Challenge #45: The Eclipse

  1. Charles Deetz ;)

    The eclipse is a true warning from the creator that the DI must get the Attack Gerbil back on their staff.

  2. It means Chris Christie should get back on that diet.

  3. I picked #21 for one of my numbers on the Powerball ticket. A sure winner!

  4. You fools!

    Just look at the path of the ‘negative press’ of the eclipse, and its deep and arcane meaning will instantly strike you in a blinding epiphany!

    C-orvallis, OR
    O-maha, NE
    V-alley Falls, KS
    F-ulton, MO
    E-lizabethtown, KY
    F-llijay, NC
    E-disto Island, SC

    Be afraid.
    Be very afraid…

  5. …And just to make the super-secret code more difficult, I mistyped the penultimate omen in the above list–which should of course be F -ranklin, NC.

  6. And my fellow Illuminati will not need me to point out that the path of the eclipse has been fine-tuned to pass over the following US States


    which is not only the unutterable name of the ineffable Intelligent Designer Him/Her/It/Them-self(-ves), but also an obvious anagram of the following divine messages:

    Yo, waiter! Mad cycling monks stink!


    Damn clingy ticks! Korea misty now

    Don’t say you haven’t been warned…

  7. @David K
    Sorry, 21 was a loser.
    I wonder how many chose 20-17(that was a winner)-08-21. And how many ways one would have to split the half-a-billion.

  8. This whole “eclipse” thing is just part of a conspiracy by NASA and evilutionists to hide the impending invasion of Earth by the inhabitants of Nibiru.

  9. It’s TRUE meaning is that what goes around, comes around.

  10. Roger,
    Good one.
    I would add that “and any variation is bad.”

  11. Eddie Janssen

    Maybe the madman from North Korea likes symbolism. I hope not

  12. 8-21-17 corresponds to HUQ which spells Hell Unleashed Quickly. We’re all gonna die. Repent!

  13. The eclipse is proof of the wrath of God against our sinful secular evolutionistic society and a warning to repent, for the Apocalypse is nigh.

  14. Mark Germano

    The eclipse is a reminder of the damaging effects of ultraviolet radiation on both the skin and eyes. Just the Designer’s way of telling us to throw on some 50 SPF and a sweet pair of shades.