Creationist Wisdom #806: The Lake of Fire

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Spectrum, a Gannett newspaper published in St. George, Utah. It’s titled In God’s name. If you go there, it’s the first of two letters at that link. The newspaper has a comments feature.

Because today’s writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. We’ll use only his first name, which is Manuel. This is the fourth time we’ve written about one of his letters. He’s from Oklahoma but his letters get published in newspapers all over the country, so we just realized they’re all from the same guy. For his earlier gems, see #423: Evolution is Folly, and then #547: False Teachings, and most recently #766: 165 Million Years. Incredibly, the Tulsa Beacon has an archive of his letters that they’ve published.

Excerpts from his latest letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

Fear of God has almost disappeared in America. Time is the new god to many.

Huh? What’s Manuel talking about? He says:

To unbelievers, it is time which gets the credit for everything God Almighty created. They are totally ignorant of God and His Eternal Word. Fiction has displaced reality in the name of science.

This sounds serious. Let’s read on:

We hear a meteorologist say “We are scientists, we know!” Or we see a bearded prospector on TV, look at his find and say, “This is so-and-so million years old.”

Yeah, those bearded prospectors are all crazy. Manuel gives us another example:

Then, there were the two scientists who claimed they discovered the “The First Fossil,” an object which they claimed is about 300 miles long in the center of the Earth.

Was one of those scientists Jules Verne? After that he says:

But did scientists ask where all the matter to cover the fossil came from, to form the rest of the earth, which is almost 8,000 miles in diameter? Doubt it! In their minds, they do believe this earth was formed by layers and layers of rock and they have assigned a certain age to some layers.

They’re all fools! Manuel continues:

Because individuals fail to read and to learn the Word of God they end up believing man’s false ideas. Eventually they end up in Hell, and later the Lake of Fire, for eternity. That lake of fire is Satan’s future home for eternity, and he wants your company.

[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] The Lake of Fire!

And now we come to the end:

The obvious way to prevent going there is to study God’s Word, the Holy Bible, and by hearing His word. God knows and loves each one of us. Service to God is not slavery, but a noble undertaking.

Go ahead and ignore Manuel if you want to, dear reader, but you know what your problem is? You can’t handle the truth!

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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17 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #806: The Lake of Fire

  1. Manuel, I did read the bible and that’s why I’m an atheist.

  2. There seems to be a doctrine alluded to which I have never heard before:
    Eventually they end up in Hell, and later the Lake of Fire, for eternity.
    That lake of fire is Satan’s future home for eternity,

    I thought that the Lake of Fire was a description of Hell. But apparently Hell is just a temporary housing, if I understand this.
    There are so many different infalible readings of the Bible.
    How am I to choose?

  3. Charles Deetz ;)

    For all the Curmudgeon’s jokes about the ‘lake of fire’, this guy says it seriously. Further proof of Poe’s Law.

  4. A little searching tells me that it is a teaching of the Jehova’s Witnesses that Hell is different from the Lake of Fire, and the Lake of Fire is also called “Gehenna”.

  5. Forget the Lake of Fire, Manuel seems doomed to spend eternity being infused by the Suppository of Stupid.

  6. Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t believe in eternal suffering in Hell. To them, the Lake of Fire is a symbol of eternal destruction. The unsaved are actually allowed to die for real in Watchtower religion, without any further torment after death.

    Which is, I guess, sort of good.

  7. Same with SDAdventists on the lack of eternal torment thing. I’d like to see some sort of “duel of the Christian theologies”. I propose proof texts at dawn.

  8. Surprising that this drivel continues to be printed in newspapers.

  9. He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool — shun him.
    He who knows not, and knows he knows not, is simple — teach him.
    He who knows and knows not he knows, is asleep — wake him.
    He who knows and knows he knows, is wise; follow him.

    Guess which one Manuel is?

  10. Pete Moulton

    “Then, there were the two scientists who claimed they discovered the ‘The First Fossil,’ an object which they claimed is about 300 miles long in the center of the Earth.”

    This is a new one on me. Can anyone enlighten me as to the source of this nonsense?

  11. I think that newspapers like to print letters. It’s their way of contacting with their community. And if their letters get a reaction, it shows advertisers that people read the paper.

  12. Dave Luckett

    My google-fu is not up to discovering the source of Manuel’s assertions about two scientists finding “the first fossil” at the center of the Earth. Possibly it’s from some National Enquirer style of journalism, or it may be the product of Manuel’s fevered brain alone. And TomS is correct – local newspapers print letters like this for the reaction they get. As for the rest, Manuel is most likely a JW. I knew one who found after a while that it was all too loopy even for her. So she became a Mormon instead. True story.

  13. Ceteris Paribus

    “300 miles long in the center of the Earth.”
    “[T]he earth, which is almost 8,000 miles in diameter”

    Meh. I have programmed my computer to bypass all Creationist posts that do not even have the courtesy to at least include SI units of measure in their pseudo-science claptrap.

  14. There was a report in “National Geographic” of 2011 of a “devil worm”, the deepest living nemotode, 2.2 miles (3.6 kilometers). While that doesn’t match any of the data, I bet that the name “devil worm” would have attracted attention from some Christians.
    See the description of Halicephalobus_mephisto in Wikipedia.

  15. Ceteris Paribus

    @TomS:

    You said:

    “I bet that the name “devil worm” would have attracted attention from some Christians.
    See the description of Halicephalobus_mephisto in Wikipedia”.

    I think you nailed it! Here’s the rest of the story from the Wikepedia:

    “Halicephalobus mephisto is a species of nematode, among a number of other roundworms, discovered by geoscientists Gaetan Borgonie and Tullis Onstott in 2011. It was detected in ore recovered from deep rock fracture water in several gold mines in South Africa 0.9 km (0.56 mi), 1.3 km (0.81 mi), and 3.6 km (2.2 mi) under the surface of the Earth.[1] Onstott said that “it scared the life out of me when I first saw them moving”.

    Kind of recalls to mind a creepy assistant PhysEd coach who liked to lurk around in the showers of my high school.

  16. Doctor Stochastic

    The Lake of Fire supposedly produces faster horses.

  17. That Lake of Fire stuff works so much better with undiscriminating ten year old’s doesn’t it or as Trump likes to call them future dates!