Creationist Wisdom #820: The Ultimate Answer

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Southwest Times Record of Fort Smith, Arkansas, on the Arkansas-Oklahoma border. The letter is titled Teaching the Bible is the solution, and the newspaper has a comments feature.

Because the writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. His first name is Curtis. Excerpts from his letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

December exposes all the hypocrites and their double standards. They throw a fit when our government of the people, by the people and for the people place a nativity scene on government property to please the vast majority of tax payers. The same ones that cry Democracy (majority rules), in all other situations, will now cry Republic and Constitution to further their agenda. They lie and say they are Democrats or Republicans but actually they are Communist because they try to destroy a generation’s faith in God, family and country.

Wow! Curtis thinks that democracy means theocracy, and anyone who argues for the Constitutional system established by the Founders is a communist. We’re off to a great start! Then he says:

Also, there is an organized effort to force retailers to say “happy holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” They are trying to eliminate the true reason for the Christmas season, which is [bible, bible, bible].

Yes, it’s a vicious conspiracy! After that, Curtis tells us:

Of course, anyone can protest our believing, teaching and practicing in an honorable way. Just go to work on Christmas day, or if you can’t work, just don’t take holiday pay and you will not be a hypocrite.

That’s how to avoid being a hypocrite. Curtis continues:

They use Hollywood to destroy our morals, self-respect and everything that we deem sacred.

So true! Let’s read on:

Our learning centers teach evolution as a fact and that destroys the sanctity of life and produces serial killers.

[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] Teaching evolution produces serial killers! Another excerpt:

They teach humanism, a no-God philosophy, therefore there is no higher authority than our mind and this opens the door for all types of criminal activity that will require more police, jails and prisons.

How horrible! What can we do? In his final paragraph, Curtis gives us the answer

The solution to our destructive ways is to teach the Bible in every classroom and teach about sin, Satan, Jesus, the only savior, family values and how to be a true citizen of these United States.

Fantastic letter! Thanks, Curtis.

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

add to del.icio.usAdd to Blinkslistadd to furlDigg itadd to ma.gnoliaStumble It!add to simpyseed the vineTailRankpost to facebook

. AddThis Social Bookmark Button . Permalink for this article

19 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #820: The Ultimate Answer

  1. Curtis convinces me. I plan to tell all the children I meet this Xmas holiday season all about Ganesh, the remover of obstacles, who is at least as cute as the baby Jesus.

  2. While working in Little Rock, I confess to being completely dumbfounded when a few members of a family fell to their knees and started talking in “tongues” (aka-babbling gibberish). Then there is the massive church they refer to as “Six flags over Jesus” due to all the games they put in the kid’s area to improve attendance.
    Their’s is a different brand of crazy (not dialed up to 11 but a solid 9.5) compared to the more familiar east coast Jesusists.

  3. Happy Holidays, Curtis, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays!!

  4. I remind you that celebrating Christmas is a mixture of Roiman Catholic (especially Nativity displays) and Pagan (especially Chrsitmas trees and mistletoe) celebrations. Our American Prigrim forebears would be shocked by them!
    Much of the modern popularity is due to Charles Dickens, and Clement Clarke Moore (“Twas the Night before Christmas”), and a touch from the Coca Cola advertising (the image of Santa Claus), rather than the Bible.
    Don’t complain about commercialisation of Christimas. Without that, there wuldn’t be much to the holliday.

  5. I remind you that much of the celebrations are due to Roman Cathoic (Nativity displays) and Pagan (Christmas trees, mistletoe). Our Americna Pilgrim forefathers would be shocked!
    More is due to Charles Dickens and “A Visit From Sant Nick” than the Bible.

  6. Michael Fugate

    The winter solstice is the reason for the season. Praying the sun back in the sky in the northern hemisphere.

  7. Sorry for the repetition

  8. Michael Fugate
    Imagining the religious leaders of those days citing the return of the sun as evidence that winter solstice prayers worked, and then concocting excuses for the sun never staying despite prayers made me laugh.
    -We are punished half the year, half of us must be evil. Witches! Burn her! (Unless she weighs as much as a duck of course)

  9. Bet you don’t get called a communist too often, do you, Curmie?

  10. No, retiredsciguy, this is a first.

  11. As with the contradictory creation stories, xians also ignore (rationalize) the contradictory gospel stories. And, of course, they flagrantly appropriated pagan practices for christmas and easter to gain converts.

  12. It’s all well and good to wish someone “Merry Christmas!” — so long as you know the person is a Christian or at least is not going to be offended. That’s why “Happy Holidays” works nicely. After all, there are more holidays than just Christmas at this time of year.

    The idea is not to “take Christ out of Christmas”. Rather, it is to be inclusive of all people, Christian or not. No matter what religious belief or non-belief a person has, it’s always nice to wish that they have a happy new year, whether they celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Eid, the winter solstice, or whatever.

  13. @Scientist — I had heard that the early Christians in Rome chose Dec. 25 to celebrate the birth of Jesus so that they would blend right in with the Roman celebrations going on then to welcome the return of the Sun. If they were identified as being Christian, well…

  14. Dave Luckett

    It’s not a coincidence that the date of Christmas is so close to the winter solstice, which has been a festival in Europe for many millennia. Not surprising. It comes soon after the traditional date for slaughtering all but breedstock – since they couldn’t be kept through winter – and salting their meat. So Christmas was the last time for three or four months that people would eat fresh meat.

    My favourite Christmas story concerns Harald Bluetooth, King of Denmark, who converted to Christianity (well, kinda) around 1000 CE. He wanted his first Christmas feast to be a real blow-out, no expense spared. So every man – every single man! – in his hall was to have a two-fingered pinch of salt with his porridge! What a guy!

    The Christmas tree is pagan, so is the wassail feast we usually have. The custom of giving gifts to children is claimed to be the legacy of St Nicholas, Bishop of Myra, but was also an independently pagan one.

    But me, agnostic as I am, I have no quarrel with a season of merriment, peace, joy with family and friends, with charity and goodwill for all. This is the first Sunday of Advent. That season is upon us. A merry Christmas to us all, then.

  15. No unbelieving Dutchman (including me) has any problem with “Prettige Kerst” either. Nor does any Dutch christian have any problem with “Prettige feestdagen”.

  16. December exposes all the hypocrites and their double standards. They throw a fit when our government of the people, by the people and for the people place a nativity scene on government property to please the vast majority of tax payers. The same ones that cry Democracy (majority rules), in all other situations, will now cry Republic and Constitution to further their agenda. They lie and say they are Democrats or Republicans but actually they are Communist because they try to destroy a generation’s faith in God, family and country.

    Ah, yes, it’s not just all a plot, it’s a Communist plot!

    Also, there is an organized effort to force retailers to say “happy holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” They are trying to eliminate the true reason for the Christmas season, which is [bible, bible, bible].

    But as far as those retailers are concerned, the true reason for Christmas is to sell enough merchandise to make up for their poor earnings during the rest of the year.

    Our learning centers teach evolution as a fact and that destroys the sanctity of life and produces serial killers.

    And the fact that people gleefully killed uncounted millions in the name of Christ before anyone had ever heard of evolution doesn’t count.

    Now here’s? where we really get to the meat of the matter:

    The solution to our destructive ways is to teach the Bible in every classroom and teach about sin, Satan, Jesus, the only savior, family values and how to be a true citizen of these United States.

    Or in other words, belief in the Bible as Curtis understands it should be a prerequisite for full citizenship in this country.

    If we ever get to that point, I’m heading for Canada (or perhaps the south of France; the weather’s better, and I could learn the language). Though even that might not be enough, if some Bible-banger eager for Armageddon gets his (or her) faith-driven finger on the nuclear button.

  17. I’m curious about “family values” as found in the Bible. Is there any example of a family in the Bible which they would want to be presneted?

  18. Clearly, Curtis is an embittered descendant of the Fort Smith Arkansas dentist accidentally killed by a stray bullet Jake Spoon fired in Lonesome Dove.