Ken Ham’s History of the World

This is your opportunity to learn something, dear reader. It’s a recent post from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. The title is
New Animated Film Early Man Indoctrinates with Evolution.

He’s criticizing an animated movie apparently made for kids. We’ll ignore what he says about it and give you only the Hambo version of history. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis and Hambo’s bible references omitted:

The whole idea of mankind transitioning from the primitive Stone Age to the Bronze Age comes from an evolutionary view of mankind. In this belief, man started out primitive and slowly gained intelligence, enabling him to make discoveries and move from hunting and gathering into agriculture and then into cities. But this view of history is in direct opposition to God’s Word!

Then it must be wrong! Hambo says:

In the biblical view, man was created intelligent from the very beginning. Adam was immediately given the job of naming the animals, tending to the Garden of Eden, and having dominion over God’s creation. This requires intelligence! And the early chapters of Genesis record Adam and Eve’s children living in cities, tending flocks and herds, and growing produce. Within a few generations, people were competent at forging metals and playing musical instruments. Man was intelligent from the very beginning!

How exciting! After that he tells us:

So where do evolutionists get this idea of a Stone Age slowly morphing into a Bronze Age? It flows from an evolutionary interpretation of archaeology. You see, in the archaeological record we find more “primitive” stone tools buried under tools forged from metals. Evolutionists interpret this as a transition as mankind became more intelligent. But this erroneous interpretation ignores the history revealed in God’s Word.

Archaeologists are fools! Hambo continues:

Genesis tells us that, because of man’s wickedness, God judged the world with a global Flood. This Flood destroyed the world that once was, and reduced the human population to just eight people.

That’s an inspiring story, but what about those stone tools? Let’s read on:

About 150 years after the Flood, mankind once again rebelled against God, so God divided their languages, forcing them to spread out and fill the earth. This broke up the collective body of human knowledge and forced people to become hunter-gatherers as they traveled to new places and began to establish complex civilizations yet again.

They suddenly forgot everything they knew. That makes sense. Another excerpt:

During this period, the post-Flood Ice Age was occurring [not mentioned in the bible], and, for many of these migrating people groups, the climate was very harsh. People made tools from what materials were available and found shelter where they could (in some instances in caves, which make excellent shelters from the elements). But this wasn’t because they were primitive — it’s because they were using what was available to them to survive in a harsh world, just as humans living in harsh climates today do!

Ah, that explains it the stone tools. But shouldn’t they be in a geological stratum above the sophisticated tools of their ancestors? Here’s one last excerpt

We are not descended from some primitive ape-like ancestor. We were created in God’s image and are all descended from the first human couple, Adam and Eve. Because we’re all descendants of Adam, we all share his sin nature and will suffer the same penalty for our sin — death!

So there you are, dear reader. Now you know the true history of the world. Don’t be misled by those wicked evolutionists. Ol’ Hambo ain’t no kin to no monkey, and neither are you.

Copyright © 2017. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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27 responses to “Ken Ham’s History of the World

  1. Huh? Hambone proving he knows nothing about many things in addition to evolution. In a related matter, I’ve always wondered why IDers and others put so much emphasis on humans being created in their sky fairy’s image. Doesn’t that imply the sky fairy is an ape?

  2. abeastwood….have to disagree as their gawd is too stoopid to be related to an ape! I aint no relation to some stoop[id xtian gawd!

  3. davebookcampdirector

    Swiss cheese has fewer holes than the logic of creationists. My, my, 150 years after the biblical flood exterminated mankind except for a family of eight, there were enough humans on Earth to build a tower intended to be higher than the Great Pyramid and then be scattered across the globe to create multiple centers of population? Reproduction must have been on a massive, rabbit-like scale!

  4. Every post by these clowns just makes me ever more certain that organized religion is the absolute worst human invention ever.

  5. How many stone tools have been made? (BTW, we know that those stones are designed, just as surely as we know that we know design when we see it.) Over the few hundred years, by the few descendeants of Noah, how many stone tools could they have made?

  6. Holding The Line In Florida

    And this is the bovine feces they want us to teach??? I am just astounded beyond belief!

  7. Does any evilutionist believe that our brains today are detectably better, because of genetic change, than those of our ancestors 6000 years ago, in Adam’s time, or 12000 years ago, at the beginning of agriculture and civilisation, or 100000 years ago, when stone tools were being improved? Without change in our inbuilt mental capacity, our knowledge and our technology increased, very slowly, then faster and faster until our own dizzying times. Apart from the time scale, this agrees well with Genesis, where named individuals are credited with the invention of new technologies in a not totally implausible order. (I myself feel much indepted to Noah, the inventor of wine, though most of all to our mother Eve, who stole from the gods our basic right to knowledge.) In this respect, Genesis works better if we accept that the flood is a later interpolation (our neighbours have flood stories, why can’t we have one!).

  8. Michael Fugate

    How many people were there 150 years after there were only 8? And two of those ancient? Were they rabbits instead of humans?

  9. Michael Fugate

    In the biblical view, man was created intelligent from the very beginning. Adam was immediately given the job of naming the animals, tending to the Garden of Eden, and having dominion over God’s creation. This requires intelligence!

    If this were true, what was the point of eating the fruit that they weren’t supposed to eat?

  10. Skeptical Servant

    More Ken Ham nonsense as usual and we have evidence the world is overwhelmingly old.

  11. I saw this post of his yesterday on FB and was tempted to comment, except that at one of three things would be sure happen:

    1) The post would get deleted
    2) I would be banned from commenting
    3) I would get instantly attacked by a cacophony of knuckle dragging creationists who, as (insert your favorite retail job here) have somehow decided they are experts on science.

    So here was my first thought when I read his drivel:

    I see no reference to evolution of any kind in the trailer (which actually looks like a great movie). What I do see, is a plot based on an isolated stone age tribe suddenly encountering a more advanced one. You know, just like when the Europeans first landed in North America? (yes, I realize the Native Americans weren’t exactly in the Stone Age). Or say, even today when we discover still isolated STONE AGE tribes (we just found another last year). lt is ol’ Hambos VERY HUGE error in assuming that you must be a less evolved form of human to be in the stone age. Or that every culture in the world is suddenly at the same level of technology.

    Part of me thinks his real motive is just to scare his followers away from spending money on this movie in lieu of buying DVDs of “Genesis 3D”, but hey, that’s just what I suspect his motive is for everything.

  12. Ham actually believes (or says he believes) that all our ancestors were modern human beings, with the same intellectual capacity as ours. Paleoanthropologists say exactly the same, of all modern human beings.

    However, unlike Ham, they know that there were earlier ancestors of modern human beings that were not modern human beings. They measure cranial capacity for H erectus, H habilis, H naledi, back to Australopithecus afarensis, and they observe a steadily increasing volume over time, from which they infer a larger brain and hence increasing intellectual capacity. They also observe the earliest traces of art in the form of simple decoration of objects, becoming more complex over time, and culminating in the stunning painting of Lascaux and Altamira – and with them, know that they have found human beings fully equal to us. Or, given the efforts of “post-modernist” artists, superior.

    No matter. The facts are the facts. They are observed, real, concrete. All modern humans are our intellectual equals. But all human (hominid) species were not modern humans, and they were not, in their day.

  13. IMDb says the budget for this film is $50 million!

  14. My understanding is that the brain volume of Neanderthal was greater than modern human.

  15. ah yes “the post flood Ice Age”. I remember that from sunday school.
    Oh wait.

  16. What Bible do these people have to get these ideas from?

  17. 50 million, that’s about 49.999.900 dollar more than creationists ever spent on actual research.

  18. Michael Fugate

    Genesis 9:24 (alt version)
    And Noah awoke from his wine, and said “Damn it’s cold. Must be the post-flood Ice Age.”

  19. As far as the number of stone tools, there is an Old Earth Creationist blog, Naturalis Historia, which has several articles on the trillions (yes, millions of millions) of stone artifacts existing in Africa. Here is one of the essays:

  20. Ceteris Paribus

    OK, damn, I’m finally throwing in the towel and signing up with Ken Ham. His current argument against evolution is truly a paradigm shift – with six gears of overdrive included at no extra charge .
    Ham asserts:”

    In this belief, man started out primitive and slowly gained intelligence, enabling him to make discoveries and move from hunting and gathering into agriculture and then into cities. But this view of history is in direct opposition to God’s Word!

    Logically Ham has just offered us his personal proof that Humanity has gotten a lot dumber since creation. res ipse locquitur

  21. Ross Cameron

    I`m sure all this talk about sinning and punishment occupies a full chapter in the Guide to Abnormal Psychology

  22. Is there any increase in intelligence involved in going from hunting and gathering to agriculture? Domestication in farm animals is usually marked by a decrease in intelligence.

  23. Ham’s babblings must, or certainly should, be an embarrassment to the folks at the Discovery Institute, who like to pretend they’re opposed to evolution on scientific grounds rather than biblical ones.

    And the Hamster’s claim that Darwinians believe that the transition from the Stone Age to the Bronze Age involves an increase in inteligence is garbage. It’s as though he were arguing that going from the Bronze Age (during which Genesis was written) to the Iron Age required that people become smarter, something no Darwinian biologist has ever said.

    Ham doesn’t even seem to know the difference between the Paleolithic, which is associated with prehuman hominids (and early Homo sapiens) and their very primitive tools, and the Neolithic, featuring sophisticated stone tools and the beginnings of metalworking (using metals such as gold, silver and copper which are sometimes found in pure or nearly pure condition in nature, requiring no smelting).

  24. “God divided their languages, forcing them to spread out and fill the earth. This broke up the collective body of human knowledge…”. So now I know why the whole world does not speak English. Genesis 11: 6-9 “The Lord said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.”
    So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city. That is why it was called Babel—because there the Lord confused the language of the whole world. From there the Lord scattered them over the face of the whole earth”. Makes perfect sense. Languages did not evolve in isolation. Instead God scrambled people’s minds and mouths in order to sow confusion and failed oral communication. (No wonder eg German is such a difficult language to learn.)

  25. bewilderbeast

    Ah, he ends with the old “God loves you and you gonna die” re-assurance.
    “We were created in God’s image . . are descendants of Adam, share his sin nature and will suffer the same penalty — death!”
    The preachers’ favourite weapon! Hold still and let me love you, dammit!!

  26. As far as the Tower of Babel story. In the preceding chapter. Genesis tells of three different cases of there being different language communities before Babel.

  27. Well spotted. Looks like Christian fundamentalists are being ‘economical’ with the facts again.