WorldNetDaily: Noah Had a Cell Phone

Buffoon Award

Don’t laugh at our title, dear reader — it comes from the website of WorldNetDaily (WND). As you know, WND was an early Buffoon Award Winner. We’ve described them as a flamingly creationist, absolutely execrable, moronic, and incurably crazed journalistic organ that believes in and enthusiastically promotes every conspiracy theory that ever existed. It’s in their honor that our jolly Buffoon logo adorns this post.

They just posted Noah had a cell phone during Bible flood, prof claims. How’s that for a headline? To our great surprise, the anonymously-written WND article seems a bit skeptical — or at least neutral. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis:

One wonders which cell network Noah used? Sprint? Verizon? What an endorsement that would be. Yes, THAT Noah. The one with the Ark. A professor in Turkey has proposed an “amazing theory” based on his understanding of the Quran, the biblical story of Noah and the flood.

This is the first time we can recall that WND hasn’t automatically embraced a preposterous claim. They say:

Yavuz Ornek, a lecturer in the Marine Sciences Faculty of Istanbul University, reported Breaking Israel News, claims Noah kept in touch with his sons via cellular phone. Ornek made the claim when he was invited to speak on Noah on TRT television, which is owned by the Turkish government.

Here’s the article in Breaking Israel News: Turkish Professor Claims Koran Flood Story Tells of Muslim Noah Calling Son on Cell-Phone. WND’s lack of instant support is probably because of the Islamic origin of the cell-phone theory. They tell us:

The biblical story also is recounted in the Quran. “In most respects, it is identical to the story as it appears in the Bible, but Ornek’s take on the story differed greatly from both versions,” BIN [Breaking Israel News] reported. “Ornek was discussing the section of the Quran’s version of the flood story in which one of Noah’s sons, who was a disbeliever, refused to come aboard the Ark. The son climbed a mountain but as the floodwaters rose, he spoke to his father and repented.”

We didn’t know there were problems in Noah’s family. WND continues:

In the interview, Ornek [the Turkish professor] claimed the Quran “says the waves were as high as mountains, so if Noah spoke with his son, his son must be sitting on the top of another mountain.”

The Quran says they spoke, but to talk between two mountains with hundreds of kilometers apart, they must have had mobile phones, and Noah’s son must have boarded an aerial vehicle to reach his father,” the professor reasoned.

That makes sense. Let’s read on:

Ornek insisted technologies were very advanced 10,000 years ago. “Noah, referred to as Nûḥ ibn Lamech ibn Methuselah in the Quran, also used advanced technology to build an ark out of steel that was powered by nuclear energy. Ornek also claimed that instead of bringing live animals onto the ark, Noah stocked it with one male and one female egg from every living species,” the report continued. Ornek claimed he is a scientist.

Actually, ol’ Hambo has made somewhat similar claims about Noah’s advanced technology — see Ken Ham: Noah’s Amazing Technology, and also AIG: Noah’s Ark-Building Technology. Here’s one more excerpt from WND

BIN reported: “As bizarre as Professor Ornek’s claims may sound to Western ears, they were taken seriously by the Turkish public and became the focus of a fierce religious debate.” Efrat Aviv, a specialist in Turkey for the Begin-Sadat Center for Strategic Studies and a lecturer in the department of Middle Eastern Studies at Bar Ilan University, was certain Ornek was serious about his theories, as were the listeners, BIN said. Aviv argued Ornek was not joking because making fun of the Quran could result in the death penalty.

Some of the comments at WND are skeptical, and some accept the professor’s views. What do you think, dear reader?

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11 responses to “WorldNetDaily: Noah Had a Cell Phone

  1. Seeing a “news” article of this low quality leaves me concerned for all mankind. When will a convergence of stupidity of this type result in some
    unspeakable global tragedy? Scary.

  2. Eddie Janssen

    I’m convinced. Where can I donate my life savings to Ken Ham’s ministry?

  3. But how would the cell phone towers work under water? How were they powered? And the batteries in the cell phones? I suppose that they had solved the problem of long-life batteries?
    Obviously, it wasn’t cell phones at work, but satellite phones.

  4. Reading the comments there is certainly enlightening. In the same way as taking a flash photo in a cave full of rabid flying batspiders – sometimes it’s better not to know.

  5. Doesn’t Ken Ham already make claims about the advanced shipbuilding technology of the pre-flood civilization? While Ornek’s claim is the stupidest thing I have read this week, it’s not qualitatively stupider than standard Christian creationism.

  6. Wow – it finally happened. I’m … speechless. 😶

  7. I just have to ask what possible survival advantage could there be to a species in being so ignorant? OR in other words, why isn’t ignorance extinct?

  8. Your question has already been answered, Erik John Bertel. See The Theory of Abominable Befuddlement.

  9. So you blame a higher power, in this case the Abominable Befuddler, for their existence and continued existence? But are the ignorant and creationists the very same strain? Clearly a creationist is ignorant but is every ignorant person also a creationist?

  10. I propose the hypothesis that Noah also used a GPS. How would he have found his way back to the Middle East? He could have landed in Australia.

  11. Wow just wow. Nuclear energy. Steel ships, cellular tech, satellite tech. Why gopher wood then? I am even more confused.