Creationist Wisdom #838: The Toilet Hugger

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Bureau County Republican, a bi-weekly newspaper of Princeton, Illinois. The letter is titled Return to educational priorities of our forefathers, and the newspaper has a comments feature.

Because the writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. His first name is Ted. Excerpts from his letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

I used to be an alcoholic. Once arrested for drunk driving, arrested many times for public drunkenness, I once busted a hat badge off a police officer and was hospitalized once having my stomach pumped to prevent alcohol poisoning. Although it’s been almost 40 years since I’ve touched a drop I’m still reaping some of the consequences of my foolishness. Oh, I used to hug my toilet too. It wasn’t a pretty sight or a pleasant experience.

Ted sounds like a guy to whom we should pay attention. He says:

I often heard the words, “He was under the influence.” The final stages of alcoholism are insanity and then death. Consequences follow our actions. … There has been a huge shift in America’s education over the years. Our children were once “under the influence” of a godly education system, but that’s no longer true today.

Huh? It sounds like Ted saying that children are no longer on the road to insanity and death. That may not be what he has in mind, but let’s see where he’s going with this. He tells us:

Did you know the educational accomplishment of America education dropped, on average, one year per decade throughout the 20th century? That means that if you have a college diploma, you have about the same education a sixth-grader had in the first decade of the last century.

Things can’t be that bad. Ted continues:

George Washington said, “We cannot expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.” Hitler believed that too much education was dangerous. One should ask, what kind of “education” and “influence” was Hitler’s youth under? How much moral and ethical education are America’s children receiving today in our public schools, in our homes, and for that matter, in our churches?

We can’t verify that Washington quote. And we don’t know what Ted is saying with his reference to Hitler. Anyway, here’s more:

There has always been opposition to our Founding Fathers and the God-centered, moral-centered education system that they embraced. The erosion of our morals and integrity started when we replaced creation with evolution and the removal of God’s word, the Ten Commandments, and prayer from our public schools.

It’s not quite the way Ted describes it. There was nothing like our system of state-run compulsory education in the days of the Founders. According to Wikipedia’s article on Education in the United States, the first state to legislate compulsory education was Massachusetts in 1859. Hey — that’s the same year Origin of Species was published! Could there be a connection? Anyway, let’s read on:

When we look at mankind, what do we really see? We see factions, war, divisions, pride, slavery, racism, crime, exploitation, child abuse, indulgence and extravagant spending without the means to pay off our indebtedness.

And it’s all Darwin’s fault. Another excerpt:

You say, Such a gloomy picture you paint, Ted. Yes, but an honest evaluation of fallen humanity, the consequences for turning our backs on God.

We’re confused now. Is our education system Darwin’s fault, or does Ted trace it back to Adam & Eve? Here’s more:

But God offers grace to all who repent and receive and believe in Jesus Christ. And to those who accept his offer and receive his gift, he promises eternal life. What a sunny picture! What a wonderful future hope! Oh, that all of us would become acquainted with the Scriptures that are able to make us wise unto salvation.

Okay. And now we come to the end:

Toilets were made to sit on! Our children’s education should bring glory to our heavenly Father. Let us once again return to the education system our forefathers embraced.

Well, dear reader, can you figure out what Ted is saying? If so, please explain it to us.

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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9 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #838: The Toilet Hugger

  1. Michael Fugate

    In 1900, less than 10% of the population graduated from high school.

  2. George Washington said, “We cannot expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.” Hitler believed that too much education was dangerous.
    And Trump thinks a dumb, uneducated electorate is a good thing (for him). That’s why he appointed Betsy DeVos Sec of Educ, to tear down the public schools and privatize education. And speaking of morality, Trump has none, neither do his evangelical supporters.
    The GOP’s Biggest Charter School Experiment Just Imploded
    https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2018/01/the-gops-biggest-charter-school-experiment-just-imploded/

  3. “Our children were once “under the influence” of a godly education system, but that’s no longer true today”.

    Ted should be happy that our children are no longer under the influence of something as addictive as religion.

  4. “I used to be an alcoholic.”

    Faith-induced stupor may be healthier, overall, it is not what you can call an intellectual improvement.

    “That means that if you have a college diploma, you have about the same education a sixth-grader had in the first decade of the last century”

    Not sure: sixth-graders today may be able to hack Ted’s computer.

    “When we look at mankind, what do we really see? We see factions, war, divisions, pride, slavery, racism, crime, exploitation, child abuse, indulgence and extravagant spending without the means to pay off our indebtedness.”

    Change “mankind” for “religions” and the sentences stay true.

  5. A dimwitted moron who let alcohol rule his life, changed to a myth ruling his life instead. So he stopped drinking bacteria crap, and is now drinking religious crap! Sound like he is the same and still drinking crap.

  6. He could, of course, be both a theocrat AND a drunk. But possibly his religion, theocracy and all, helps him stay sober. If that were the case, I’d much rather the religion than alcoholism. Theocratic views I can deal with in public debate. Drunken rage, alcoholic despair and drunk-driving are not to be reasoned with.

  7. “Hitler believed that too much education was dangerous.”
    “The erosion of our morals and integrity started when we replaced creation with evolution.”
    So Ted agrees with Hitler – teaching evolution is too much education. Apparently Hitler is one of Ted’s forefathers.

    “We’re confused now.”
    Or rather Ted is. He may not have been an alcoholic for 40 years, his talk is just as incoherent.

  8. This was a Ted Talk, Ideas Worth Deploring.