Hambo’s New Ticket Prices

It’s always fun to see how professional creationists make money by catering to the fantasies of their drooling fans. An example is the latest news about Answers in Genesis (AIG) — the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia. We were alerted to this by our clandestine operative in Kentucky, code-named “Blue Grass.”

The Lexington Herald-Leader of Lexington, Kentucky has this headline: Ark Encounter admission prices go up for adults, down for children, and they have a comments feature. Here are some excerpts from the news story, with bold font added by us for emphasis:

Williamstown’s Ark Encounter has increased its individual ticket prices for adults, but has decreased its pricing for children. The new pricing structure will go into effect March 1, it was announced Wednesday. The goal for the pricing is “to help more families, churches, schools and other organizations to bring as many children to the Ark and museum as possible,” a news release states.

Ooooooooooooh! Hambo wants to help the children. Isn’t that wonderful? Then the newspaper says:

Adult tickets to the Ark will rise from $40 to $48 and senior (aged 60 and older) tickets will go from $31 to $38. Children under 4 years old will still get free admission, while prices for children to 5 to 12 years old will decrease from $28 to $15. Prices for teenagers will be $25. Combo tickets, which include passes to both the Ark and nearby Creation Museum, will also increase for adults and seniors but decrease for children.

The same wonderful price changes will apply to Hambo’s infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum, and to Ark Encounter, an exact replica of Noah’s Ark. After that they tell us:

Visitors to the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum have told Answers of Genesis President Ken Ham that the attractions are better than some of the nation’s most well-known parks, the release states. “Many of our visitors have told me that the quality of our Christian-themed attractions exceeds what they’ve experienced at the Disney parks, Universal Studios and the Smithsonian museums,” Ham states in the release.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! The news story continues:

Ham added that Disney and AiG’s attractions are competitors for family vacations. He said in the news release that families at Disney would have to spend hours waiting in long lines on short rides, while at the Ark and museum, families can “easily spend a full day or two at each location … rarely standing in a long line.”

Yeah, phooey on Disney! They can try, but they can’t compete with ol’ Hambo. Oh, for even more information on the fabulous new ticket prices, you can read about it at the AIG website: Popular Ark and Creation Museum Restructure Ticket Prices. They give you a comparison with the prices for visiting Disney World. Fascinating!

We haven’t tried to figure out the effect of these new prices, but we’re certain that Hambo has been poring over the numbers and has decided that by selling kids’ tickets for less, he can lure in more adults at higher prices, and thereby maximize his revenues.

Nothing about creationism ever makes any sense — except for one law of nature which can be verified by observing the evidence. You already know it, because we’ve said it before: As the moth is drawn to the flame, the simpleton seeks the charlatan.

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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26 responses to “Hambo’s New Ticket Prices

  1. Hambo sets a very low bar for himself:

    “Many of our visitors have told me that the quality of our Christian-themed attractions exceeds what they’ve experienced at the Disney parks”

    IOW: Some folks prefered Ham’s fig-leafed Adam and Eve mannequins to Disney’s animatronic pirates grabbing animatronic wenches…

    O tempora, o mores!

  2. docbill1351

    Better than Disney! Oh, boy, old Hambo is going into the Lake o’ Fire for that whopper!

  3. Michael Fugate

    If you want to something laugh about read the reviews on trip advisor – people really do believe that Ham has recreated the Ark (#96 on towns to visit in KY).
    https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g39995-d10110346-Reviews-Ark_Encounter-Williamstown_Kentucky.html
    And the “museum”
    https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g39743-d619562-Reviews-Creation_Museum-Petersburg_Kentucky.html

  4. “see how professional creationists make money”
    Dear SC, maybe I should send Logos.nl. the eminent and prominent Dutch creacrap site, a link to your analysis? Maybe they can learn something.

    “senior (aged 60 and older) tickets will go to $38”
    Oooohhh! That’s a reduction and saving of 10 hard bucks! I’ll wait a few more years before deciding that I won’t go.

  5. MichaelF: such heretics. We Dutchies know better. This is the real Ark of Noah:

    http://www.arkvannoach.com/

    Our dear SC has admitted it himself – we Dutchies lead the global arkeological research.
    I noticed that at least one reviewer thought the experience a bit expensive.

  6. My guess is that the average age of attendees skews well to the older part of the age range. A local radio station sponsors bus tours there. Their Facebook photos of these groups never show more than 5 or 6 kids, while 90% of the attendees look to be over 50. In fact, I would guess most of them are retirees. While bus tours to tend to appeal more to older people than to young families, pictures of the park itself also seem to show far more seniors than family groups. This initiative looks to me about maximizing income and trolling for new young blood.

  7. Mynheer mnbo notes

    Oooohhh! That’s a reduction and saving of 10 hard bucks! I’ll wait a few more years before deciding that I won’t go.

    That was my first thought as well–until I recalled what pleasure I had, many years ago, in visiting the decaying wreck of Falwell’s Heritage USA when his empire went belly-up.

    I look forward to similarly visiting the derelict remains of Hambo’s Ark…

  8. //Ham added that Disney and AiG’s attractions are competitors for family vacations.//

    The primary difference between them, is that one features an entertainment empire built upon the basis of a cartoonish reality, and the other has Mickey Mouse.

  9. Let’s read between the lines here: They aren’t getting enough revenue, and aren’t counting on (or seeing) increasing numbers to make it go up …..

  10. Mark Germano

    Another difference: on both the Jungle Cruise and It’s a Small World rides at the Magic Kingdom, the customer as actually in a boat surrounded by water.

  11. I’ll take a stab at Hambo’s strategy. He’ll eventually raise the price on children’s tickets too, if he did it now it would make people think the Ark is floundering. The changes are pretty much break even for a family of four, but Hambo might have trouble getting buses of kids to come, this would help. Better to get that group of kids with permission slips than to let them go somewhere else.

  12. Michael Fugate

    When is he building the hotel resort?

  13. I think the resort hotel should be called the “Tower of Babel”.
    And perhaps staff it exclusively with non-English speaking people, to give visitors a biblically accurate experience.

  14. You forgot that the King James Bible was written in English.
    21st century American English.

  15. Grand idea, Tom B. Don’t be surprised if Hambo runs with the name, but not the languages – as Tom S notes, everyone knows that God only speaks American English. However, to be biblically accurate, everyone at the Ark should speak only one language, that of Noah whatever that was. And everyone at the hotel should be monolinguistic, with many languages represented, so as not to be able to understand each other.

  16. Dearest Curmudgeon, Ham is poring over the numbers. Unless he is drizzling holy water or Kentucky Bourbon over the numbers. Then it would be pouring.

  17. Thank you, Jill Smith. I’ve fixed it. My mind must have been clouded by Darwinism.

  18. “Nothing about creationism ever makes any sense — except for one law of nature”

    There is a second law; that creationists will do whatever it takes to make more money, for the furtherance of the cause of course.

  19. What the typical fundie family composition? Let’s say 2 parents and 4 kids aged 5-12:
    Old price 2*40 + 4*28 = 192
    New price 2*48 + 4*15 = 156
    Ham’s obviously counting on higher family visitor numbers and/or more school buses. The lowered price would be especially attractive for schools. Presumably school buses will come from a closer area than families, but in that high birthrate target audience, there’s a new supply every year.

  20. ^^ which means they think they can get at least ~30% more volume. That another big leap.

  21. Paul Braterman says: “There is a second law; that creationists will do whatever it takes to make more money, for the furtherance of the cause of course.”

    That’s true, but it’s more of a corollary than a separate law. Interestingly, it describes the behavior of all creationists, which they claim is a virtue. In contrast, only a few corporations exhibit such behavior — e.g., the tobacco industry when evidence of a cancer linkage was discovered — and no one regards that as virtuous.

  22. I don’t understand your suggestion that all creationists are after the money. ISTM that the majority of creationists are the source of the money (or at least, not gainers). The people that I meet who are shoked by my support of evolution are not in it for the money.

  23. Draken do you really think the typical creationist family has 4 kids nowadays? I’d love to see the numbers Hambo is using to make his decision.
    The size of the average Kentucky household 2.49 (per U.S. census Bureau). If you use this the decision make sense.

  24. $48 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  25. Plus sales tax and safety tax.
    CHA CHING!!!!

  26. Techreseller

    Let’s see. My order of preference from Hambo’s list

    Smithsonian ( I already pay for it in taxes and it is close by)
    Disney (if promised alcohol and sex afterwards)
    Universal Studios (if promised alcohol and sex afterwards)
    Ark Park (not on your life, well maybe if promised great sex and top notch Scotch afterwards) (and only to be able to be obnoxious and make fun of the whole exhibit)