Sleepovers for Teens at Hambo’s Museum & Ark

Six weeks ago we wrote 5 Days of Hambo’s Creation Science. We said that our title could be the name of a horror movie, one with a group of unsuspecting teens trapped in some rural cabin while they’re haunted by supernatural forces.

It was all about a new fund-raising program by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. The price was $295 per student, and — O the horror! — aside from five days of non-stop creationist indoctrination, the kiddies would spend a night in Hambo’s infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum.

Today we have more information about the [*creepy music begins*] Night in the Museum. This appears at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG) — ol Hambo’s creationist ministry: Spend a Night at the Creation Museum or Ark Encounter. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis:

Are you looking to plan an unforgettable trip for your youth or school group? Well, look no farther than a trip to see the world-class Creation Museum and Ark Encounter attractions with an overnight spent inside either facility. That’s right — your group can spend a night at the museum or in the full-size Noah’s Ark with our Overnight Adventures program.

Egad — now Hambo is offering another option — a night at Ark Encounter, an exact replica of Noah’s Ark. He says:

Not only will youth ages 9–17 have a fantastic time of fellowship with one another, but they will also be equipped to defend their faith as they tour the faith-affirming Creation Museum and Ark Encounter. This unforgettable trip will make an impact on their hearts and minds.

As an exercise in intellectual discipline, we invite you to try not thinking about what might happen during such an overnight event, as kids age 9–17 “have a fantastic time of fellowship with one another.” Hambo tells us:

Overnight Adventures take the stress out of planning a youth trip. At the Creation Museum, young people will take a flashlight tour through the museum after it closes to the public, and will enjoy a snack and an entertaining, educational video experience. They will then spend the night sleeping in the museum before enjoying breakfast in Noah’s Café.

We assume there are no bathing facilities, so the kiddies will awake the next morning just like Noah and his family — unwashed, wearing the same clothes as the day before — ready for the day’s activities, which Hambo then describes:

Next they’ll take in an early planetarium show and spend more time exploring the museum and grounds, including riding a camel or soaring across the lake on our massive, breath-taking zip line course (additional ticket purchases required).

Sounds glorious, doesn’t it? Okay, that was the night at the museum. Then Hambo describes a night at the Ark:

At the Ark Encounter, experience a tour through the Ark after it has closed to the public, and then enjoy a snack and several video presentations. Girls will sleep on Deck Two and boys on Deck Three before enjoying breakfast in Emzara’s restaurant and a special behind-the-scenes zoo experience. The group can then tour the Ark and grounds and enjoy activities such as camel or donkey rides and a zip line experience (additional ticket purchases required).

Interesting that the genders will sleep on separate decks of the Ark. Will there be guards on duty all night long, to prevent — shall we say — nocturnal escapades? We’re not told. And now we come to the end:

Because overnights are so popular, they fill up fast, so be sure to book your group soon. Learn more at [links omitted].

So there you are, dear reader. It’s a wonderful opportunity for the kiddies. What could go wrong?

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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13 responses to “Sleepovers for Teens at Hambo’s Museum & Ark

  1. Eddie Janssen

    It would be a lot more useful for the kids if the stuffed animals were replaced with real animals and their task would be to feed all of them. And of course, all the other work necessary to keep the animals alive for a week (let alone a whole year…).

  2. That’s not going to end well.

  3. “As an exercise in intellectual discipline”
    I already failed when reading the title of your blog post.

    “Girls will sleep on Deck Two and boys on Deck Three.”
    If that doesn’t sound like an invitation …

    “a special behind-the-scenes zoo experience”
    Is Ol’Hambo the pervert or am I one?

    “camel or donkey rides”
    Fortunate non ut canis lupus familiaris.
    (I hope my Latin is correct).

  4. Eddie Janssen – good one! Most people believe that it only lasted for 40 days. Not that it would make any difference in terms of survival.
    I try to imagine those “flashlight tours” when the kiddies bump into scenes of humans fighting with dinosaurs.

  5. The creationist science illiteracy factory is up and running . Hallelujah! Plus big bucks for ol Hambo. What’s not to like ? Whole new generations of “idjits”.

  6. I wonder how many guys overnighting in the museum will hand a girl a leaf and ask her to get in costume to help him practice for the part of Adam.

    ”an exercise”
    I think I failed.

  7. Stephen Kennedy

    mnbo,

    I think “Canis familiaris” is the Latin designation for dogs while “Canis lupus” refers to wolves. However, it has been 50 years since I took Latin in high school so I could have that wrong.

  8. For that one I relied on Wikipedia.

  9. Nightmare scenario;

    Imagine the harm that will be caused to young minds if they encounter Georgia or Bodie by flashlight during the night. Make slasher movies seem tame.

  10. I’ll warn them one last time for staying overnight at the Ark-Ham museum.

  11. Given the Creationist mindset, they don’t actually have as much reason to oppose teenage nocturnal shenanigans. They want to create new followers, not produce educated minds.

  12. AIG: “Are you looking to plan an unforgettable trip for your youth or school group? Well, look no farther than a trip to see the world-class Creation Museum and Ark Encounter attractions with an overnight spent inside either facility.”

    Further.

  13. Ross Cameron

    Could be worse. They might be offered a chance to spend the night with priests/ministers/elders of (insert Xian denomination of choice). We know how that ends.