Creationist Wisdom #855: Preacher Visits Ark

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Chattanooga Times Free Press of Chattanooga, Tennessee. It’s titled Noah’s ark in…Kentucky?, and the newspaper doesn’t seem to have a comments section.

Unless the letter-writer is a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name — but today we’ve got a preacher. It’s Pastor Bo Wagner of the Cornerstone Baptist Church. We’ll give you a few excerpts from the rev’s letter, enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

I began reading my Bible all the way through from year to year as a 9-year-old boy. My soul thrilled to read the adventures of the great heroes of God, my heart ached at the sin that caused so much harm, but above all my confidence soared in belief with every word it said as I compared it to the world around me.

Pastor Bo then explains what he saw as a 9-year-old that proved every word:

Genesis 3 spoke of the fall of man and the world being plunged into sin; I looked around and I saw that sin-filled world. Genesis 11 told of mankind being divided into nations and languages; I looked at the globe and saw nation after nation, representing language after language.

Wowie — just like it says in the bible — well, except for that “globe” thing, but that’s okay. Oh, wait — there’s more. He tells us:

And then in Genesis 6 I also read of a worldwide flood; and having already learned that many fossils of sea creatures are found high on the tops of mountains and even far out in remote deserts, there was an easy correlation in my mind. Sea creatures do not walk to the top of mountains or out into deserts; therefore those mountains used to be covered in water, just like the Bible said.

Ooooooooooooh! The Flood was real! But see this in the TalkOrigins Index to Creationist Claims: Seashells and other marine fossils have been found on mountaintops. Pastor Bo continues:

As I grew up, though, I came to know a different type of person from the churchgoers I grew up with. I first encountered them in college, these skeptics who disbelieved everything that seemed so obvious to me. And at the top of their list, the thing they held in the most derision, was the historicity of the worldwide flood and Noah’s ark. Their attacks usually ran along these lines. “How could you believe something so ridiculous, that tiny boat holding those millions of huge animals?”

The fools! Let’s read on:

I knew they were wrong, but I also knew that words would not suffice for people who had that flawed of a visual picture in their mind. And that brings me to the most recent excursion we took with 24 sweet folks from our church.

Where did Pastor Bo and those “24 sweet folks” go? He reveals the destination:

The Ark Encounter is the brainchild of Ken Ham. It sits in lovely Williamstown, Kentucky. It is a life-size reproduction of the ark using the dimensions given in the book of Genesis. It is massive; definitely not the tiny greeting-card caricature with animals hanging over the sides. It is said to attract around a million visitors a year, and the day we went it was so packed that I have no trouble believing that figure.

The rev believes ol’ Hambo’s attendance figures. Another excerpt:

The displays do a remarkable job showing the plausibility of housing and tending to the several thousand animal kinds that would need to be on the ark in order to properly repopulate and speciate the Earth. It has displays on the different nationalities that could easily have arisen afterward from the three sons of Noah and their wives, utilizing a Punnett square [Huh? — oh, see Punnett square] to show the genetic variability. It has amazingly lifelike creatures in pens on the ark, shows how much food and water would have been necessary for them and gives excellent displays of the effects of a worldwide flood, effects easily seen even in our day.

Wowie! It’s all there! Here’s more:

We will go back; we will most definitely go back. Will it convince everyone to believe? Certainly not. Even Jesus could not convince everyone to believe in him though he healed the blinded eyes, fed the multitudes, cleansed the lepers and raised the dead. But whether it convinces you or not, it is still worth the drive.

Hambo’s ark may not convince everyone, but it certainly convinced Pastor Bo. And now we come to the end:

A life-size reproduction of Noah’s ark? How could it not be?

How could it not be? An interesting question. What do you think, dear reader?

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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26 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #855: Preacher Visits Ark

  1. Our dear SC is uncharestically wrong: “Hambo’s ark may not convince everyone, but it certainly convinced Pastor Bo.”
    Pastor Bo was already convinced long before Ol’Hambo decided to build that gay wooden box.

  2. Frank – I am as straight as they come, but find the reference to a “gay” wooden box insensitive and offensive. I doubt that you meant happy or cheerful, eh?

  3. About those “several thousand animal kinds”–how long did it take for the galloping evolution (oh, that word!) of the post-Flood world to split those kinds into the millions of species which exist today?

  4. Charles Deetz ;)

    Doesn’t AIG say the sea fossils in the mountain came from the raising if the mountains after the flood?

  5. What these believers seem not to notice is that the idea of “drowning the rats” is a lame ass solution to the stated problem. This is not something an all-powerful god would do. For example, an all-powerful god would create a “reset” button, just like in video games and hit it. All humans would be restored to a state of grace, to begin anew to create Heaven on earth.

    An all-powerful god wouldn’t kill all of the guiltless animals who had to die along with the nasty sinners in a great flood. An all-powerful god wouldn’t act like an anarchist with a bomb at the site of a dam. These “believers” should stop trying to justify a story that makes their god look like an idiot.

  6. Michael Fugate

    Reading the Bible all the way through, my confidence soared in disbelief with every word it said as I compared it to the world around me.

  7. Steve Ruis:
    “These “believers” should stop trying to justify a story that makes their god look like an idiot.”

    Not to mention the “believers” themselves.

  8. Before I started exploring creationism, I naively assumed that conservative Christians had a good understanding of the Bible.
    When I read things like this letter surprised me how ignorant they are about the Bibe. And how people are accepting of what someone tells them about the Bible, and don’t check whether the Bible does actually says such-and-such.

  9. @Douglas E: “but find the reference to a “gay” wooden box insensitive and offensive”
    What’s offensive about the rainbow being a symbol for the LBGT movement?

    “I am as straight as they come”
    Perhaps that’s your issue.

  10. I guess I don’t get your points. It sounded as though you were using gay as a pejorative; I understand that young people use it as a form of derision, mockery and ridicule, but that’s precisely what I was referring to. Hambo’s wooden box is certainly worthy of derision, but I believe there are better descriptors than gay.

    I suppose the meaning of the rainbow is in the eye of the beholder; no doubt Ham’s rainbow was not a show of support for LGBT’s! And about my issue, you lost me on that one as well. I think it’s incumbent on straight folks to be supportive of our gay friends and relatives, and that includes getting rid of the use of ‘gay’ as a pejorative.

  11. Along those lines, it’s unfortunate that some common words (and an atmospheric phenomenon) now have new, loaded meanings: gay, straight (which implies that a person attracted to the same sex is not straight, but crooked or bent), rainbows, clean (which implies that one who uses drugs is dirty), etc.

    It gives whole new, unintended meanings to old songs and literature (now we don our gay apparel, for instance).

  12. Mark Germano

    “It has amazingly lifelike creatures in pens on the ark, shows how much food and water would have been necessary for them….”

    Importantly, and understandably, it does not have actual creatures in pens, nor even a fraction of the amount of food and water it would take to keep them alive for a year.

  13. @Douglas E, it was members of the LGBT community that first called the Hamster’s ark a Big Gay Boat whe he added the rainbow flood lights.

    @Mark Germano, nor is it a boat. It’s merely a cement building with a wooden facade. If Hammy wanted to build something impressive he should have built it to float. He could have purchased an old WWII aircraft carrier and added a facade.

  14. Thanks Paul for the info.

  15. Theodore Lawry

    Even Jesus could not convince everyone to believe in him though he healed the blinded eyes, fed the multitudes, cleansed the lepers and raised the dead.
    Well gosh darn it, any one of those miracles would convince me! If they really happened of course. Unfortunately, I wasn’t there. And neither was Rev. Bo.

  16. @DouglasE: ” I understand that young people use it as a form of derision, mockery and ridicule”
    It has been since long that I could call myself young. In fact it’s the first time that I hear about this, but that may be because I’m not American.

    “And about my issue, you lost me on that one as well.”
    It was the friendliest way I could think of to make clear that straight ones like you won’t get to decide what’s offensive for LBGT’s and what’s not. Being paternalizing with the best intentions is still paternalizing and hence by definition anti-emancipation.

    “Ham’s rainbow was not a show of support for LGBT’s”
    And exactly that’s the point. Ol’Hambo doesn’t get to decide either what the meaning of the symbol rainbow means.
    Show me an LBGT member who disapproves of the expression and I’ll stop using it, not before. In the mean time let’s celebrate that gay also means cheeful:

    https://hbvlcdn.akamaized.net/Assets/Images_Upload/2018/02/22/341090ea-17ee-11e8-ba72-73b37d7083e8_web_scale_0.3636364_0.3636364__.jpg?maxheight=513&maxwidth=767&scale=both

  17. It is massive; definitely not the tiny greeting-card caricature with animals hanging over the sides.

    Does it float?

    It is said to attract around a million visitors a year, and the day we went it was so packed that I have no trouble believing that figure.

    Yes, but does it float?

    The displays do a remarkable job showing the plausibility of housing and tending to the several thousand animal kinds that would need to be on the ark in order to properly repopulate and speciate the Earth.

    I can hear you alright but DOES IT FLOAT?!?

  18. Mark Germano

    I’ve seen lots of things that float. Been on a few, as well. I’ve never seen anything (boat, building, boat-shaped building) that houses two of every animal kind, feeds and waters them without external support, and is run by only eight people.

    Floatiness seems to be the very least of the challenges.

  19. Here’s an article about the Ark Encounter. The safety fee has the great side effect of allowing the public to view Hambo’s attendance figures. While the article seems rather dire for Hambo I don’t see it like that at all. It is likely that the Ark will become seasonal and no longer remain open in the winter. This is common with amusement parks that aren’t in California or Florida. It is doubtful that the Ark will ever get first year attendance, but that’s to be expected as well.

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/04/21/ark-encounters-latest-attendance-numbers-are-ken-hams-nightmare/

  20. Charles Deetz ;)

    @Troy Wow, those are scary numbers for any business … less than 500 visitors a day in winter! But when the fun stuff is outside @ its winter in Kentucky, what would you expect.

  21. @FrankB – thanks for the picture of the Sherwin-Williams demonstration house!

  22. Michael Fugate

    Given that Bo went to Carolina College of Biblical Studies which has two and only two degrees: an AA and a BA in Biblical Studies and avows a 6-day creation week, then this is not surprising…
    http://www.ccbs.edu/about-ccbs/doctrinal-statement/

  23. “shows how much food and water would have been necessary for them”

    Strange that Pastor Bo didn’t mention that the same animals deficate and urinate like it going out of style, and getting rid of of that material is a constant, daily challenge that would have overwhelmed Noah and his brood within a day.

    Unless of course, Pastor Bo was looking at the dinosaur enclosure on the ark. Cause i’m pretty sure there wouldn’t have been any dinosaur [poop] and piss, mainly because there wouldn’t have been any dinosaurs.

  24. @Maek Germano: Floatiness seems to be the very least of the challenges.

    I’m afraid it’d be their first order of the day. No wooden ship that size has ever been built and known to keep afloat for any considerable time even with steel reinforcements and pumps. From day two or so the whole 8-person crew would spend most of their day bailing out water.

  25. Mark Germano

    @Draken: I didn’t mean to trivialize that they can’t, nor ever will, build a boat that floats. Better put: to me, floatiness is the least interesting of the many, many challenges they’ll never overcome.

    We’ll just have to agree to disagree about what is the most hilariously dumb part of their whole endeavor.

  26. Perhaps we should goad Ken Ham into “unmooring” his ark, hire a house-moving company to take the ark 30+ miles north on I-75 (yeah, I know it’s way too big, but hey…), and float it in the Ohio River to prove us wrong.

    What fun!