Ken Ham Is Related to Neanderthals

Creationists are forever telling us that they ain’t no kin to no monkey — or anything else. See, for example: Ken Ham Says We’re Not Related to Animals.

Today, however, Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else, announces that he’s a close relative to the Neanderthal. He just posted this at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: Sailing the Mediterranean? So Easy Even a Caveman Can Do It! Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections [that look like this]:

Evolutionists couldn’t have been more wrong about Neanderthals. When this human variety (now considered by evolutionists to be a cousin to modern man) was first discovered, they were considered primitive and brutish, hence the insult of calling someone a “Neanderthal.” Many museums still depict Neanderthals in this fashion. But nothing could be further from the truth.

Further research has shown that Neanderthals buried their dead with rituals, made and wore jewelry, wore cosmetics, played instruments, and even had children with “modern” humans. In other words, they were human, highly intelligent, and creative, just like us.

Yeah — “just like us.” Then he says:

The evidence keeps mounting for the intelligence and ingenuity of these people. Two recent studies highlight this. One study [in Science: Neandertals, Stone Age people may have voyaged the Mediterranean] found that Neanderthals may have been seafarers, setting off across the Mediterranean Sea for new lands. Researchers base their conclusion on tools that supposedly belonged to Neanderthals on islands throughout the Mediterranean.

After that news he tells us:

Another study found that a Neanderthal in Crimea may have left a message etched in a small piece of flint, brought from far away. The researchers believe the marks in the flint show fine hand-eye coordination and attention to detail and may perhaps have symbolic meaning.

Hambo’s source for that is an article at Fox News: Are these Neanderthal etchings a long-lost message? Then he explains why evolutionists have been so wrong:

Because evolutionists have the wrong starting point regarding origins, they will come to the wrong interpretation of the evidence. In a biblical worldview, Neanderthals were descended from Adam and Eve, through Noah, and made in God’s image, just like us. They didn’t live hundreds of thousands of years ago; they lived after Noah’s flood, eking out a living during the harsh conditions of the post-flood ice age.

Wow! Creationists tell us that Noah’s ark sailed around 4,300 years ago, so … well, the implications are obvious. Hambo is closely related to Neanderthals. And now we come to the end:

We still don’t know why this lineage died out, and there’s still much to learn about their culture and practices. However, when we start with God’s Word, their origin and place in history is no mystery.

Hambo may be no kin to monkeys, but he’s proud to be related to Neanderthals. And it explains so much!

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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14 responses to “Ken Ham Is Related to Neanderthals

  1. Holding The Line In Florida

    Why couldn’t they been just part of the godless evil ones that God, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, drowned in The Flood? Makes things easier for the Hambone to explain.

  2. Whatever is it that drives Ham to accept parts of the science of the Neanderthals?

  3. Dave Luckett

    Well, there have been various attempts to ring in Genesis 6:4: the nephilim were Neanderthals… oh, wait, that was before the Flood, and Ham says that they are also post-flood descendants of Noah, just like everyone else alive. So scrub that. Unless some other Bible-banger wants to debate Ken on the point, because nobody else could give a hoot.

    Now that would be something to see. Like Patrick O’Brien’s character Jack Aubrey, upon being advised that there were two branches of philosophy, natural and moral, each with its own internal differences. Aubrey remarked that it would be instructive to watch an immoral philosopher debate an unnatural one, to the admiration of all hands.

  4. @TomS: “Whatever is it that drives Ham to accept parts of the science of the Neanderthals?”
    Divine inspiration no doubt, either directly or indirectly via Holy Scripture. Both is also possible.

  5. Karl Goldsmith (@KarlGoldsmith)

    “Neanderthals simply represent a people group that formed after the dispersion at the Tower of Babel” What Ken said in an article from 2016, so they are in fact the Modern Man.

  6. According to Ussher’s chronology, the Tower of Babel was 2242 BC.

  7. The whole truth

    The study of Neanderthals is ‘historical science’, something that hambo regularly disputes, denigrates, and doesn’t accept yet he is accepting the findings and speculations of those researchers/writers without question.

    And where are Neanderthals mentioned in the xtian bible? On what biblical basis does hambo make his claims about Neanderthals?

  8. One can see why Intelligent Design makes a point of not providing alternatives to evolutionary biology and of distancing themselves from YEC.

  9. Of course the Hamster completely lacks the intelligence to understand that the relatively recent findings about the Neanderthals came from the scientific community and not theologians. What have religionists said about Neanderthals before now that wasn’t counterfactual?

    Neanderthals could not breed with modern humans:

    The Neanderthal genetic molecular clock dating is completely wrong for Neanderthals since it disagrees with the bible:

    Neanderthals lived to be hundreds of years old just like the bible says before the “flood”. And of course evolution is completely wrong about Neanderthals:

    Etc. I got nearly 60K hits with Google searching for Neanderthal and apologetics. What a non-surprise.

  10. @TomS: “Intelligent Design makes a point of…. distancing themselves from YEC.”
    WL Craig, a DI fellow traveller, explicitly has condemned YEC. You can find in on YouTube (no link, because I dislike WLC as much as I dislike Ol’Hambo).

  11. I really wish Hambo would include citations for his comments. For instance, I’m looking through the Bible looking for a reference to a “post Noah Ice Age”
    Ham Bone is making up stories again to fit his narrative. The contortions are amazing. First he references an article from Science, an actual science journal, then he attacks the scientific method. Which one is it Hambo???

  12. Both and none at the same time. That’s how creacrap fares.

  13. “However, when we start with God’s Word, their origin and place in history is a mystery.”