You Want Proof? Here It Is!

We learned about this thanks to a tip from our clandestine operative in Kentucky, code-named “Blue Grass.” But to present it properly, we need to change mentalities. [*Begin Creation Mode*]

Okay, now we’re ready. You Darwinist creeps are always demanding evidence from creationists. Okay, today you’re going to get it. Check out this headline at a website called Inside Edition, located in New York City: Florida Woman Says She Saw Jesus in a Horseshoe Crab Shell.

Here’s one excerpt, with bold font added by us for emphasis:

A Florida woman seeking inspiration from a higher power was shell-shocked as she found it — on a horseshoe crab. Photographer Cathy Rader, of New Smyrna Beach, Fla., had recently quit her job to work full time on a picture book about her town. Eager for help, she called out to God and asked for a sign. The devout Christian then turned to a horseshoe crab shell that was recently given to her and held it up to the light — and that’s when she saw it: an image of Jesus Christ on the bottom.

Amazing, huh? Click over there and look at the pictures. Then try to explain how your pathetic Darwinism could have done this. You can’t, can you? Admit it — you fool! — there’s no way in a million billion years your mutations and natural selection could possibly account for this crab. No way!

Okay, we hear you. You’re saying you don’t trust that website? Okay, then how about CBS News? They have a story on it too. Take a look at Florida woman says she has found Jesus on a horseshoe crab. They have pictures too, and they say, with our bold font:

Cathy Rader says her friend found a horseshoe crab shell while they were walking on New Smyrna Beach and gave it to her. … Then, a few days later, she did a double take. “I was doing devotionals that I do in the morning,” she says, “God spoke to me and said, ‘If you will wait, I will give you perfection.'” That’s when she turned around and saw the image of Jesus on the crab shell.

So there you are. Proof provided. Case closed. Darwinism is doomed!

Now we must change mentalities again. [*End Creation Mode*] Ah, that’s much better! Okay, dear reader, now tell us what you make of it.

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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18 responses to “You Want Proof? Here It Is!

  1. How does she know the image represents Jesus, what he looks like? Does she have 2000 years ol photographs?

  2. Researchers Ask Americans, “What Does God Look Like?”

  3. I’m guessing she hasn’t seen this:

    Wouldn’t make a difference even if she did. She BELIEVES!

  4. So this woman justified her decision to quit working on a perceived image on a crab shell? Good thing the Japanese people don’t quit working every time they see a samurai face on a crab from Dan-no-ura bay.
    I wonder if the Jesus face crab shell is going to perform some miracles to help pay her bills because I doubt a picture book of her town is going to cover retirement. Nothing like economic denialism to go along with visual hallucinations.

  5. Ross Cameron

    Interesting isn`t it that no one among the thousands that allegedly saw Jesus ever bothered with a physical description. Almost like a poor-written novel. Hmmm.

  6. So Jesus has now officially evolved into a crab? That is certainly the most physical evidence for that particular religious haploid thus far.

  7. Can the Jesus crab walk on water?

  8. If I may be so bold, and shamelessly plug my blog, I found a picture of Jesus on a dogs ass for your review. 🙂

  9. Darn! My PhD thesis was on the structure and physiology of muscles of Limulus polyphemus . I dissected about 100 of them and never saw anyone’s face on or in them!

  10. Retired Prof

    To me the image looks more like Johnny Depp in his role as Captain Jack Sparrow.

  11. Dear creationists,

    You were right,after all.
    Suitably chastened, I beg forgiveness for all the terrible things I ever thought and said about each and every one of you. I now see the error of my ways, and pray that even a miserable sinner such as I will be worthy of receiving our Lord’s wondrous countenance, even if it’s only on the back of one of the excellent mud crabs down at Minh Xuong BBQ & Seafood Chinese Restaurant.

    Yours truly…

    Wait a minute…

    That’s not Jesus! That looks more like Rasputin. Reputed to be “Russia’s greatest love machine”, if Boney M are to be trusted. How the hell did that Mad Monk get transmogrified into a horseshoe crab?

    Creationists, I take it all back. It’s on again, for young and old.

  12. Not just any Jesus, you scoffers, but Rembrandt’s Jesus. And Rembrandt obviously knew what Jesus looked like.

    Now let’s see if I can find the face of Jesus in a cladogram, and upset everybody.

  13. You guys are all missing the much bigger miracle, which is reported at a link from the article to which our Curmudgeon originally linked:

    Does This Butter Look Like Donald Trump?

    Spoiler alert: it does. Bigly.

  14. Mark Germano

    Finding images of Jesus on the bodies of crustaceans is indeed cause for shellebration.

  15. “But if cattle and horses and lions had hands
    or could paint with their hands and create works such as men do,
    horses like horses and cattle like cattle
    also would depict the gods’ shapes and make their bodies
    of such a sort as the form they themselves have.”

  16. Must be god for sure. I wonder why he wants to be a dead horseshoe crab.

  17. “I wonder why he wants to be a dead horseshoe crab.”
    The trend is obvious, that is the only power that god still has available: