This Is It — The World Ends Today!

We found this in the Daily Star, a tabloid published in London. Their headline is: End of the WORLD: Biblical prophecy claims Rapture is coming TODAY on summer solstice. They have a comments feature with almost 80 comments so far. Here are some excerpts from the shocking news story, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

The Rapture is an event many Christians believe marks the return of the son of God – and all the believers will disappear from Earth up to Heaven in the “twinkling of an eye”. But this happens after a tribulation period – seven years that are first of peace and unity around the world and then three and a half years of war and global pandemics. And Steve Fletcher, who monitors events that could signal the end of mankind, believes the Rapture starts today.

It’s good that someone is monitoring these events. The tabloid reports:

He [Fletcher] said: “Time is up and all hell breaks loose after June 21, 2018.” He explained a number of factors had allowed him to pinpoint the end of times – which coincides with Summer Solstice, the ending of spring and the starting of summer.

Egad — the time is up! Are you ready, dear reader? The tabloid tells us (with their bracketed information):

Writing on his website, he said: “Many people have had dreams and visions that the rapture will occur shortly after the death of Billy Graham [a prominent evangelical Christian figure]. “Billy Graham passed away this year on the same day as Moses, February 21. “That’s exactly four months or 120 days before June 21. “That ties in with the 120 Jubilees since creation, and 120 years being the age that Moses was when he died. Very significant number, that 120. “It’s a multiple of 12 – we have the 12 disciples, the 12 stars of Revelation 12.”

The numbers don’t lie! The grim news continues:

He also said other significant June 21 calculations include:

• From the August 21, 2017 solar eclipse – 10 months.

• From Chuck Mistler’s [another prominent evangelical Christian] death – 1 month 20 days.

• From Stephen Hawking’s death – 99 days.

• From Royal Wedding 33 days. Prince Harry is 33. Jesus was 33 at His resurrection.

• From Christopher Hitchens [prominent atheist] death – 6 years, 6 months, and 6 days.

• On June 21-22 there is a conjunction between Jupiter (represents Jesus) and the Moon (represents the bride/church) in the Libra constellation (represents the judgment seat of Christ).

Hey, this is serious. It can’t be all a coincidence! They quote some more from Fletcher, the rapture monitor:

The odds are of all of these events occurring on the same day by chance goes off the chart of probability. Thus, I believe that True Pentecost and the Rapture is on (or around) the adjusted Torah Calendar date of Thursday – June 21-22, 2018 – on the sixth day of the fourth month.”

Then they quote other end of the world experts, all of whom have different estimates, so this gets very confusing. You’ll want to click over there to study it all, so we’ll skip that material. The tabloid ends with the craziest prediction of all — from scientists:

Scientists have several theories about when Earth will be destroyed, although none of the data points to this Monday. The most widely accepted theory is that the Sun, which is already gradually increasing in temperature, will expand and swallow up the planet. Some scientists believe this could happen as soon as 7.6 billion years’ time.

What do scientists know? They’re all fools! Well, dear reader, make of it what you will. Your Curmudgeon isn’t taking any chances. We’re ready! And as we always do with these doomsday posts, we close with this:

Thats all folks

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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25 responses to “This Is It — The World Ends Today!

  1. Holding The Line In Florida

    Oh boy!! I am impressed! Done been through about 50 ends of the earth in my 61 years on this planet. Reckon I will survive this one too!!

  2. When we’re still here tomorrow they can backpedal and say “Technically, we weren’t wrong because by ‘end’ we meant the world did reach the end of its northern axial tilt.”

  3. Damn! I forgot to pack….

  4. Okay, Jesus comes back … and he can’t get the attention of the news media who are running around like chickens with their heads cut off pursuing “breaking news” whatever the heck that is. The Catholic Church is ignoring Him because they are pursuing a way to stay on the right side of gay rights without admitting gays to the church as well as covering up on a decades if not centuries long scandal involving priests raping altar boys and them covering that up.

    Politicians are too busy raising funds and sucking the economic dicks of billionaires to pay Him any attention, so what’s a Savior to do? Maybe call the pest exterminators and call in an asteroid reset button (can’t use a flood again, promised!).

    Pity the poor second coming savior.

  5. Holding the line in Florida beat me to it. I’m a little older, though, so I’ve probably been through a few more ends of the world. When you’re as old as we are, these ends of the world get pretty boring.

  6. Michael Fugate

    Speaking of endings, Charles Krauthammer died today. I don’t imagine the DI will be mentioning the news….
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/11/17/AR2005111701304.html

  7. Eric Lipps

    Actually, the planet Earth may become uninhabitable in as little as 100 million years. The sun is very gradually heating up, because as it burns through its hydrogen supply it burns what’s left at a faster and faster rate. That means our privileged planet (ahem!) also gets warmer, and as it does, the rate of sequestration of carbon dioxide in limestone will also increase. That will partially offset the warming, but only until all the CO2 is gone–and well before then, plant life will die, along with animal life, which ultimately depends on plants not just as the base of the food chain but as the producers of the atmosphere’s oxygen.

    Of course, none of this is a problem for fundamentalists, who believe that the whole universe will “pass away’ and be replaced by a new one real soon now.

  8. Rather than the traditional Curmudgeonly recommended paper bag over the head, I’m choosing a very chic tin foil cap for this one. “Asta la vista baby”

  9. I got my SPF 100 on so I’m good to go!

  10. BTW, as the time zone for the end was not specified, convention rules that “Anywhere on Earth” is meant. See the Wikipedia article. This means 24:00 International Date Line West Time Zone, 12 hours offset from Universal Time of GMT.
    You still have time to repent.

  11. Hello, all of you sinners down there back on Earth! Sorry you didn’t pass the Rapture test. I’m writing this from the Other Side; the journey up here was simply rapturous! I can tell you this — it’s not at all crowded up here. In fact, the only other person I’ve met so far is Charlie Darwin. Seems like a nice chap, but he does have a quite thick British accent — my Midwestern ears have a tough time getting his meaning. Good thing I read his book.

    Well — gotta go. I’ll give you an update if anyone else shows up.

  12. Hey, guess what? Carl Sagan just showed up!

  13. Eeeehhh …. I read this on June the 22th …..

  14. Hans Weichselbaum

    If it was April 1st I would say this is an April fools joke – a bad one. We are almost on June 23rd here in New Zealand. If there was a rapture, I hope they haven’t forgotten us!

  15. Am I correct in presuming that, when the Rapture comes, unbeliver children will be separated from their devout believer parents? Now I understand why AG Sessions has characterised the US policy on immigration as Biblical!

    On the other hand: imagine planet earth from which all the religious fundamentalists have been magically transported away to another dimension. Sounds like Heaven to me!

  16. Curmudgeon awakes. Blinks eyes. Wiggles toes, nose, fingers. All seems to be well. Lets dog outside. That goes well too. Now I’m sitting at the computer, wondering why the world is still here.

  17. Mark Germano

    Now that I think about it, I did notice some pretty ominous clouds yesterday. And then it rained a little. So, um, there’s that.

  18. Mock as much as you like, guys, but the Fletch was right. The End of the World has come – Fletch only had the size of the population incorrect. It’s sad news for us, who are Left Behind. A great character has been Raptured.

    https://www.sciencealert.com/koko-american-sign-language-gorilla-dies-age-46

    In her honour I present this greeting from another intelligent gorilla, who no doubt had some unspecified creationist in mind:

    https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2017/06/gorilla.jpg?quality=80&strip=all&w=1200&h=630&crop=1

  19. Jeez, I wasted all that sun tan lotion for what? Anybody got a wipe?

  20. Don’t rush things, it is only 11 PM IDLW time on June 21.
    And if we wake to see the world, we believers will glory in world which was created last Thursday with the appearance of a mature, old world. Such a wonder could not happen by random collisions of atoms!

  21. Our Curmudgeon reports:

    Curmudgeon awakes. Blinks eyes. Wiggles toes, nose, fingers. All seems to be well.

    Yes, his inflatable ‘Olivia’ has survived another night without springing a leak!

  22. Sun came up in Colorado this morning, but all I’ve seen thus far are birds. I may be alone on earth! Which actually would be kinda nice.

  23. It was a most unusual night. As his bed-sheets can attest, Megalonyx somehow spent the night without springing a leak.

  24. bewilderbeast

    Well, don’t leave us hanging, Fletcher! We have to prepare! Is it this Thursday or 7.6 billion years time? I need to arrange my things.