Creationist Wisdom #879: God in a Test Tube

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette of Fayetteville, Arkansas. The letter is titled Faith versus evolution, and it’s the third letter at that link. The newspaper has a comments feature.

Because the writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. He uses his first two initials, which are B.W. Excerpts from his letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, some bold font for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]. Here we go!

I have been told that we cannot put God in a test tube — yet this is what he demanded we do. [Huh?] He said test me, try me, and prove me.

Okay, B.W., if you say so. Then he says:

The theory of evolution belongs in this test. [That sounds fair.] I believe there is nothing in the laws and properties of matter that can account for the existence of matter or the location of matter. [Wow!] There is nothing in matter that can account for life; it must have a power outside itself.

B.W. is amazing! In only two sentences he has demolished physics and biology. After that stunning accomplishment he tells us:

There was a first man. God created him in his image and likeness. He desired to communicate with his rational creature, man. Cro-magnon man did not commune with God. He was an ape-like creature with higher intelligence than other animals and, like dinosaurs, he is extinct.

Tough luck for Cro-magnon man. B.W. continues:

God gave man faith so that he is conscious of feelings to do right and avoid wrong. God gave man miracles to enhance his desire to commune with God. He gave man law to teach man to love God and to love one another and how to worship God by practicing God’s presence gregariously.

So many gifts! Let’s read on:

God sent his son to fulfill the law for man and give an example of perfect obedience. When Jesus ascended to the father, he sent the Holy Spirit who through the hand of man wrote the Bible, giving an account of all God did, with instructions.

Genesis was written after the Ascension of Jesus? We didn’t know that. Another excerpt:

All who believe are not condemned. All who do not believe are condemned already because they have not believed in the name of the only begotten son of God. They are destined to a place of torment, a place called hell.

He’s talking about you, dear reader. And now we come to the end:

All who believe have this promise. We are children and heirs of God. We are also heirs with Jesus, the son, in a place he is preparing for us called heaven.

B.W. has obliterated science, so there’s no reason to run any risks. You’d better believe as he does, or you’ll end up in the Lake of Fire!

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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10 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #879: God in a Test Tube

  1. Hello B. W., meet Dunning-Kruger.

  2. Michael Fugate

    If BW believes it, it must be true. How can you argue with that?

  3. “…he sent the Holy Spirit who through the hand of man wrote the Bible, giving an account of all God did, with instructions.” If the HS really guided “the hand of man”, why are the accounts incomplete and often contradictory? Perhaps HS’s memory was faulty? Or, more likely, there is no HS and zealots made up the stories. Sort of like almost 2000 years later when Joseph Smith found (!) and translated some tablets. Unfortunately, sadly, and often frighteningly, reason doesn’t work with the B.W.’s of the world.

  4. Dave Luckett

    God demanded that He be tested? Not in my Bible. Not according to Jesus.

    You wonder why Christianity has so many schisms? I don’t, with idiots like this around.

  5. The more devout they are, the wackier they get.

    Among other oddities, getting Cro-magnons mixed up with australopithecines.

    He laid his cards squarely on the table, as if to say, goshdarnit, I’m just gonna go hog-wild crazy here and threaten all the unbelievers with fire and damnation! That’ll learn ’em!

  6. Yeah, that’ll learn’em – but learn what exactly?!

  7. I continue to be surprised at how readily some proponents of what they claim to be a religion of love descend into sadistic nastiness. I don`t see this with the many Christians I correspond with who accept the reality of evolution

  8. These idiots claim that their god is “beyond space and time” so cannot be identified scientifically. At the same time, they claim that their god impacts us with his miracles and many appearances, yes their god does personal appearances! God appeared as a burning bush to Moses (glad that wasn’t the image of god chosen for our model) as well as walked around ad nauseam in the Garden of Eden. God wrestled with Jacob and … oh, yeah Jesus! God resided here, on earth for thirty plus years and these idiots say “you can’t put their god in a test tube!” Hello, did not their god do just that, so how can they say “can” not?

  9. See today’s (July 1) comic Non Sequitur.

  10. Eric Lipps

    Cro-Magnon man an “apelike creature”?

    Ten to one the apelike creature who wrote that letter is confusing Cro-Magnon with Neanderthal. And even so, modern scientists mostly regard Neanderthal far more highly than that, some going so far as to say Neanderthals weren’t even a separate species.