Creationist Wisdom #889: Don’t Spare the Rod

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Martinsville Bulletin of Martinsville, Virginia, and they have a comments feature. The letter (perhaps it’s a column) is titled From The Pulpit: Here’s a cure for school shootings.

Unless the letter-writer is a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name — but today we’ve got a preacher. It’s Gary Hughes, pastor of Rich Acres Baptist Church. We’ll give you some excerpts from the rev’s letter (or column), enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, some bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]. We’ll also omit his scripture quotes and references. Here we go!

We must get back to the Bible in training our children. The home is the key and has the responsibility of training our children. We allowed the Bible and prayer to be taken out of our schools and we have taken down the Ten Commandments in most public places. We replaced them with drugs, guns and bullying.

Yes, we all have vivid memories of the day our teachers took away our bibles and replaced them with guns. Then the rev says:

The problem is that schools are teaching our children that evolution is a fact when they know that evolution is a theory. [Gasp — it’s only a theory!] We need to teach creationism and let the children see that they were created in the image of God.

What a great letter! After that the rev tells us:

I heard a story about an atheist who was asked ‘if your dog and a person who is a stranger were in the ocean drowning and you could only save one of them, which one would you save?’ The atheist replied that ‘I would save my dog because he is my dog.’ This is the kind of thinking we have today.

How horrible! And it’s Darwin’s fault. The rev continues:

There is no respect for human life anymore and no respect for those in authority. We need to get back to the Bible in training our children. Children need to respect their parents and obey them. If children do not respect their parents, they won’t respect anyone. Discipline needs to be in the homes and in the schools. God’s Word tells us how to do it.

Skipping several bible verses about beating children with the rod of correction, we read on:

We can continue believing what our educators are teaching or we can get back to what the Bible teaches. The shootings are taking place because there is no respect for human life. Hearts are not right with God.

We gotta get rid of Darwin. All schools should be bible schools. And now we come to the end:

Our value system is so messed up because we have left God out. We can stop violence if parents will start training their children God’s way.

Heed the rev, dear reader. Beat those kids! Whip the Darwinism out of them. They’ll thank you for it.

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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21 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #889: Don’t Spare the Rod

  1. Eddie Janssen

    I am from the Netherlands, a European Union member and we are denied acces to several American websites including the one in the second link. If you want us to read the inner thoughts of all kind of reverends you will have to copy and paste the lot.

  2. “If you want us to read the inner thoughts of all kind of reverends you will have to copy and paste the lot.”

    To assist you towards that end I humbly offer this condensed version that centuries of experience shows also happens to work extremely well for *all* such reverends.

    Reverend: “Unless you believe my willfully ignorant and quite stupid psychotic ramblings I am going to tell an imaginary super tyrant magician and then you will really be sorry!” And “gawd needs money, so send it to me since only I can deliver it and he/she/it really wants me to have the money anyway!”

  3. His psychotic gawd had a pissy fit and killed 99% of people, do try telling me it is a source of good morals.

  4. Michael Fugate

    I am wondering if he believes Darwin influenced Cain?

  5. Yeah, that’s why education and the standard of living is so much better in the bible belt! Oh, wait…..

  6. Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for thou dost not inquire wisely concerning this.
    Ecclesiastes 7:10

  7. @Eddie Janssen or anyone from EU
    If we were to make a habit of copying offensive materials, would this website also come under the UE ban?

  8. Michael Fugate

    TomS, you can’t expect someone with a degree in theology from Piedmont Baptist College to have actually read the Bible, can you? Quote-mining the Bible maybe, but actually reading it, no?

  9. @TomS: this isn’t about protecting EU citizens from offensive materials (we have plenty of our own), it’s about protecting us from foreign websites that harvest our personal data and play fast and loose with it.

  10. Let’s not forget the OT command to put to death children that don’t properly honor their parents

  11. Could be all those rich acres in Martinsville, Virginia were fertilized from the pastor’s sermons. I’ll bet he likes to pepper his Sunday services with lots of boring, unremarkable anecdotes about dogs and atheists. Here’s a bit of movie trivia for him:

    That notorious pea-soup vomiting scene in the 1973 classic “The Exorcist”?

    Turns out the demon possessing poor little Regan was really Charles Darwin, using his devious wiles to lure the kids away from the saving grace of Christianity.

    Max von Sydow sure had his work cut out for him: “The power of Christ compels you!”

    DemonDarwin: Your mother darns socks in hell! Bllllaaaaaaarrrrggghhhh!

  12. We rather must go back to the Bible to teach pastors like Gary. He’s a child of his god and in name of his god I’ll promise not to spare the rod when giving Gary a good spanking.

  13. “I’ll promise not to spare the rod when giving Gary a good spanking.”

    According to Gary’s bible, if Gary has been disobedient spanking is woefully insufficient and *stoning* to death is the required “cure”.

  14. The atheist replied that ‘I would save my dog because he is my dog.’

    And that atheist’s name? Albert Einstein.

  15. Draken, do you have a link?
    Everyone wth access; what are the comments like?

  16. @Paul Braterman: 4x comments, all critical of the article. Two excellent quotes.
    #1: Society might be better if there weren’t pastors who lie about atheists in order to demonize them as immoral.
    #2: I suggest you buy a science book and actually read it. What an ark load of rubbish.

  17. @PaulB

    The comments are not quite as mocking or irreverent as ours. They mostly take the pastor to task for suggesting societies can’t be moral without Gary’s version of Christianity.

  18. I heard a story about an atheist who was asked ‘if your dog and a person who is a stranger were in the ocean drowning and you could only save one of them, which one would you save?’ The atheist replied that ‘I would save my dog because he is my dog.’ This is the kind of thinking we have today.

    This is the kind of thinking creationists have today, and always have had: “I heard a story from some person I won’t bother to identify, and it fits with what I want to believe, so it must be true.”

  19. Yes, Eric, but I’m afraid we all do that unless we make an effort to the contrary. What is so infuriating is when people don’t even want to make that effort, and religious (and other) sects actually rejoice in uncritically echoing each other.

    Amen, brother

    (On the whole, I think we here are usually fairly good at citing sources and criticizing each other. I can think of other anti-creationist sites where the pack just cheer each other on)

  20. Amen brother is ofc ironic, or in quotation marks, or something

  21. Myself, I like to learn from criticism. If I don’t get criticism, what is the point of speaking out?