This is an astonishing post from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. At the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), Hambo’s creationist ministry, he wrote: Completely Refurbished 4D Theater Now Open at the Creation Museum.
What? Did Hambo say 4D? We gotta dig into this! Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
We’re excited to announce that the special effects theater at the Creation Museum is completely refurbished and now open for guests to enjoy a brand-new, 20-minute, spectacular 3D show, In Six Days. [What about the fourth dimension?] Due to the updates, this state-of-the-art 4D theater is now able to show 3D films as well as provide special effects that create the “4th D,” such as rumbling seats [Huh?], wind [Hee hee!], and other surprises. We had our first showings this past Friday morning.
Hey — we’re not making this up. The creationist fourth dimension involves rumbling seats, “wind,” and “other surprises.” You can draw your own conclusions about Hambo’s heavenly fourth dimension. He says:
In Six Days is a 3D experience that brings the first chapter of Genesis to life like never before. With realistic plant life springing forth at God’s command, birds filling the skies, and animals — including dinosaurs — filling the earth, this film looks incredible in the 3D theater (plus special effects). We can’t wait for you to see it!
Hambo tells us about those “special effects”:
As our A/V team has been working hard to get this theater ready, they’ve run into a wide variety of challenges [Hee hee!] but have overcome each one. We appreciate their hard work and dedication to get this amazing theater ready for our guests.
Hambo’s “A/V team” must be the Amazing Ventilation team. He continues:
Guests will receive 3D glasses as they enter. Special closed-captioned reading glasses will be available for Deaf guests or those with hearing impairments. But these aren’t the 3D glasses you’re familiar with from regular movie theaters. These are “active 3D glasses” that use infrared technology. And they’re battery operated, allowing them to rapidly shutter open and closed, blocking information meant for the left eye from the right eye. These special high-tech glasses add a whole new level to your experience that you won’t find at most other 3D movie theaters.
We assume guests will also be given gas masks. It would be inhumane otherwise. One last excerpt:
I encourage you to plan a visit to see everything the Creation Museum has to offer. Go to [link omitted] to plan your visit.
Well, dear reader, why do you hesitate? You can watch the movie in 3D, and experience Hambo’s heavenly fourth dimension too. It’s the full creationist experience.
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