Hambo’s Helpful Classroom Aide

If you teach evolution, or if you know anyone who does, you should know about this. It’s described by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. At the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), Hambo’s creationist ministry, he posted Genesis Apologetics Has a New Mobile App! Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Contrasting the biblical position on origins with secular evolution often requires tackling several controversial subjects like radiometric dating and the age of the earth, the geologic column, dinosaurs, etc. Taking these subjects head-on, the group Genesis Apologetics [link omitted] strengthens the faith of God’s people (teens and younger students most of all) by grounding them in biblical truth and equipping them to discern error.

Sounds like a great outfit. Hambo says:

Genesis Apologetics’ doctrinal position on creation aligns with our statement of faith [How wonderful!], and GA often acts as a conduit for our research [Research?] and that of the Institute for Creation Research, presenting that research in simple and engaging forms to rebut the evolutionary teachings that students receive in public schools. [Hee hee!] The majority of GA’s training is provided free of charge. They also offer training programs, like Debunking Evolution [link omitted], which are great for equipping high school students in local churches.

Okay, we get it — they’re another source of Oogity Boogy! Now what? Hambo tells us:

Some of our PhD experts have helped edit their latest videos, so the nearly 17,000 Genesis Apologetics’ viewers — including pastors, parents, and students — can experience up-to-date answers [From 1,000 BC!] to the most-pressing creation vs. evolution questions through practical and easy-to-understand web, video, and written resources.

After all that build-up, he finally gives us the news:

And now, Genesis Apologetics has a new mobile app! With school starting around America and other western nations, this app can be a great tool for students who are getting “evolutionized” in almost all government-run schools.

Wowie — a creationism app! Hambo doesn’t mention it, but the Discoveroids had an app years ago. We posted this back in 2012: Intelligent Design? There’s an App for That. Anyway, he continues:

This easy-to-install app addresses most evolutionary topics covered in public schools between the 5th and 12th grades! Sections include: Debunking Evolution Theory; Fossils & Transitional Forms; The Age of the Earth & the Bible; and more.

What a great tool for your students! Here’s the last of it:

I encourage students and parents to download this informative and easy-to-use app today! It can be installed on iPhones and Androids. Learn more at GenesisApologetics.com [link omitted] or find the app on the iTunes App Store or on Google Play.

So there you are, dear reader. If, in the middle of your lecture, a student is furiously fiddling with his smart phone and then raises his hand, you’ll know what to expect.

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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10 responses to “Hambo’s Helpful Classroom Aide

  1. Karl Goldsmith (@KarlGoldsmith)

    Genesis Apologetics are the ones that have appalling videos on Youtube.

    The last 990 for 2016 they spent $80,133 more than revenue. Book launch expense of $57,673 I wonder what book this is for?

    Answered my own question, you can get it as a pdf. https://genesisapologetics.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/592/2016/05/DEBUNKING-EVOLUTION-WHAT-EVERY-CHRISTIAN-STUDENT-SHOULD-KNOW-FINAL-5-2-2016-with-cover.pdf

  2. Here’s a breaking news headline we’d all like to see:

    “KEN HAM DECLARES: NEW MOBILE APP TO REFUTE PESKY EVOLUTIONISTS. RELUCTANTLY CONCEDES: GOD’S WORD NOT PERSUASIVE ENOUGH, NEEDS ALL THE HELP IT CAN GET.”

  3. Dave Luckett

    I’ll tell you what bothers me about compendiums of lies like this one: slick cunning. The authors exactly know from experience what boundaries they ride. Those boundaries are not the limits of fact or of knowledge. Those define what we know of the real Universe, but these con-men know that they are not dealing with the real Universe. They are dealing with the minds of a specific audience. The boundaries they ride are the boundaries of what that audience finds credible.

    They are thoroughly familiar, these liars, with exactly what their targets think they know, and they sail just along the edge of it. That’s why they can quote-mine Darwin and others with such assurance – they know their audience has never read, and will never read, the actual source. They know they can misquote or just make stuff up – it’ll never be checked by that audience. That’s why they can just blank flat lie that there’s been no observation of evolution in action, or.that the bacterial flagellum (spare me flamin’ days!) has no evolutionary explanation. They know that their audience will swallow their “no transitional species” garbage, simply because the audience never heard of one, or has thought for a moment about what would define either “transitional” or “species”. It’s why they can get away with mealy-mouthed disingenuous irrelevancies like asking with assumed innocence “what is the origin of life?”. Their audience thinks evolution purports to explain that, and will never hear otherwise. It’s what allows them to slip a lie like “the law of biogenesis” through. Who knows what that even means? And on and on and on.

    But it’s not only the lies. Part and parcel of it is the delivery. It’s slick, polished, professional. Professional in all respects. Take a look at that book – pro cover, pro design. Take a look at the list of authors. Pros, all of them. They make a living selling creationism. Who makes a living selling evolution? Damn few, not in the same league for funding – and it shows.

    Science teachers? In the first place, any teacher would bridle at the idea that they should be selling anything. In the second, the sad fact is that many teachers teach a science course without being prepared for the lies creationists tell. In the third, even more lamentably, there are teachers purporting to teach science who are creationists themselves.

    Any effective counter to creationism has to come from people prepared for it, who are funded and selected for that purpose. It, too, must be professional, polished, concerned not only with the truth, but with the presentation of the truth. And it must not merely defend science. It must aggressively go after the liars and conmen who promote creationism.

    Where this is to come from, and how it is to be done, I don’t know. All I know is that it must be done, and in those terms. Sure, there are people and organisations whose role is to defend science, and countering creationism is part of their brief. But they defend. Something, some people, must carry the attack, even to the very citadels of the enemy.

  4. @Dave Luckett

    Just keep ridiculing them. Creationists don’t like to be mocked, or subjected to sarcasm. It needles them. What they want is to fight on their terms, not ours, which means they want debates with earnest opponents who get emotional and angry, so they can dismiss us as “hysterical’ and full of “rhetoric.”

    They also don’t like it when we call a spade a spade. No-one likes to be called out as a liar or conman to their face, but by Jesus! it can be startlingly effective, and clears the air at times.

    It’s like I alluded to in the earlier post: They know the Bible can’t cut it on its own, so they need a whole industrial-scale enterprise, to engage in all-out war to drive their message home. Theists love a sense of mission; it makes them feel they’re really living and dying for something holy.

    The consolation is that all the stats, polls, and census figures show that their ideology is declining, slowly, which means they get more desperate and ramp up their activism. But they are losing ground.

    I hope.

  5. “controversial subjects like radiometric dating”
    As expected Ol’Hambo remains suspiciously silent on the topic of operational science.

  6. “teens and younger students most of all”
    In other words, the less educated and more credulous are their obvious primary targets since they lose badly among the better educated.

  7. Wildly and unforgivably off topic–but an irresistable morsel which might do a little to soften our Curmudgeon’s opposition to the European Union:

    Clock changes: EU backs ending daylight saving

    But alas, with the pending departure of the UK from the EU, the Britain Formerly Known as Great will not be participating in any such reform.

    Instead, we are permanently setting our clocks back by many, many years as we seek to return to the grand ole days of yore, when the Sun never set on the Empire, the White Man was glad to be Burdened, and England expected every man to do his duty–and every woman to lie back and think of England while he was doing it.

  8. @Dave Luckett, what you have just written will fit beautifully into the “Why this book is needed” part of the proposal I’m writing. Can I use it, where are you from, and do you have any relevant status (author, scientist, teacher, parent, public debater, religious position etc) that I could quote? email me if you like at psbratermanATyahooDOTcom

  9. And what you say about science teachers is altoo true. I was halfway through my own science teaching career before I realised that I was, among other things, a performance artist

  10. Megalonyx complains: “we are permanently setting our clocks back by many, many years”

    You worry about trivia. I am nearly finished with my successor to the Time Cube theory, tentatively called the Time Scutoid™. It will make all your concerns vanish — if you have the courage to comprehend it.