We were amazed by the latest news at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.
Ol’ Hambo is bragging about a great new addition to his ministry, and if he thinks it’s important, then it’s certainly worthy of our attention. His new post is titled Ice Skating in September in Kentucky? Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
When you think of Kentucky, ice skating is probably not something that comes to mind — especially in September! But you can go “ice” skating today at the Ark Encounter. We’ve recently opened a Glice® rink — the largest in North America — at the Ark. Glice® is a synthetic ice that acts just like real ice, allowing you to skate regardless of the weather.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! A pseudo ice skating rink! It’s the perfect addition to Hambo’s other endeavors, like the creation science displayed at the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum, and his Ark Encounter, which he says is an exact replica of Noah’s Ark. He says:
Everything you need is provided for you and you can skate for as long as you want, during one continuous session, for just $8. [A bargain!] For children who are just learning to skate, a special skating prop is available at no extra cost. Where else can you skate in shorts and t-shirt — and with Noah’s Ark in the background? [Wowie!] It’s the most unique Glice® skating experience in the world!
Yes, it probably is. Then he tells us:
The Glice® rink will remain open now through our Christmas event, ChristmasTime [link omitted] (November 23–December 30, 2018, closed Christmas Eve and Christmas Day). During the Christmas season you will be able to skate and enjoy the gorgeous rainbow lights on the Ark [Ooooooooooooh!], as well as the festive lighting throughout the grounds.
Verily, a unique experience — and spiritual too! He ends with this:
Plan your visit to the Ark Encounter — and be sure to try out our Glice® rink when you do.
Then there are some links to where you can learn more, but we’ll leave it to you to click over there if you want that information.
And now, dear reader, we have a bit of a challenge for you: What other money-making activities could Hambo install, consistent with his obvious devotion to authenticity and holiness? We look forward to your suggestions.
Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.