Ken Ham: How To Choose a Bible College

Here’s some really helpful advice from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. It’s at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), ol’ Hambo’s creationist ministry. The title is Choosing the Right Christian College. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Deciding which college to attend can be a stressful decision because it’s a very important one. Many young people and their parents decide on a Christian college so their child can be encouraged in their faith, spend time in an uplifting environment, be surrounded by others who also love Christ, and be taught to build a truly biblical worldview. But how should you decide which Christian college to attend?

You’ve probably been wondering the same thing, dear reader, so pay attention. Hambo says:

I believe one of the most important features of any Christian college is their view on Genesis. Why? Because it reflects how they view God’s Word. If they are willing to take a stand on a literal Genesis, that’s a great sign they hold firmly to biblical authority and will build up your child’s faith, rather than tear it down.

That’s so important! He tells us:

If the school refuses to take a position or, worse, takes the position of evolution and/or millions of years [Gasp!], you can see that they allow other things, such as secular scientists’ interpretations, to be the authority over God’s Word — and that’s dangerous.

Ooooooooooooh! It’s dangerous! Hambo continues:

To discover if the school you are looking into holds to biblical authority, seek answers to the following questions. Do they believe God’s Word is infallible and inerrant? Will they teach it as truth? One way you can find out the answers to these questions is by asking very specific questions about the school’s stance on Genesis.

You gotta ask very specific questions. Let’s read on:

Don’t just take their website, statement of faith, or what the recruiter tells you as truth. Dig deeper. [Yeah!] Ask very specific questions of the deans of the various departments. And I say specific because that’s really important. They may claim they believe in creation in six days, and a global flood, but what they really mean is that they really believe in millions of years and a localized flood that was global in the minds of the people at the time!

Egad! Some of those bible college people can be scoundrels! Another excerpt:

I often jokingly say that parents need to bring a big tub of water and a globe with them when they speak to the deans. Submerge the globe completely in the water and ask, “Do you believe in a flood like this?”

Hambo’s not joking, dear reader. That’s what he wants the college to teach. And now we come to the end:

The answers the school gives to questions about the age of the earth and the flood reflect how the school views the Bible and what they allow to be the authority. You can learn more about the compromise happening in many Christian colleges, and how you can choose a solid school, in my book …

We’ll skip the commercial for Hambo’s book.

We told you at the beginning that you were about to get really helpful advice from ol’ Hambo, and we weren’t kidding. Now go forth, equipped to make the right decision. It’s not just a matter of education — where you spend eternity depends on it.

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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15 responses to “Ken Ham: How To Choose a Bible College

  1. Hammy says “If the school refuses to take a position or, worse, takes the position of evolution and/or millions of years [Gasp!], you can see that they allow other things, such as secular scientists’ interpretations, to be the authority over God’s Word — and that’s dangerous.”
    YES !!! Out with that nasty electricity and gasoline. Smoke filled dirt floored caves and witch doctors for everyone !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanksalot.

  2. There’s one more missing criteria he’s being coy about:

    Make sure the college is one that purchases AiG curriculum material… ESPECIALLY the coloring books.

  3. I would like to see statistics for numbers of Christian colleges/universities that went over time from strict biblical interpretation to acceptance of real science. I know that Wheaton College went through such a process, although they are still struggling.

  4. “ESPECIALLY the coloring books.”

    Crayons sold separately! And the book isn’t very thick since in only includes drawings of the animals that were on the ark (400 “kinds” is pretty close to the maximum).

  5. Zetopan is responsible for an important breakthrough in the crucial field of baraminology:

    https://www.baraminology.net/

    “400 “kinds” is pretty close to the maximum”
    Isn’t there some creacrap award for outstanding pseudoscientific work somewhere around? I want to nominate him.

  6. It shouldn’t only be about creationism. What about sex before marriage? Gay/lesbian relationships? Alcohol? Dress codes? Cursing? Strict bible schools take all the fun out of college. And so much for a rounded education and thinking skills when constrained by ancient texts.

  7. @Frank B
    Thank you for that informative source.
    One difficulty that I noticed at first, however. The author mentioned that the Bible tells us about God created plant kinds, animal kinds, and man kind. The Bible never speaks of “man kind”. It is quite startling in Genesis 1, the break in the pattern: it is going on “… according to its kind”, and then, suddenly, when it comes to people, no more mention of “kind”. If one goes to a concordance, in any language, one sees that nowhere is there any mention of man kind.

  8. Hambo’s “joke” about a tub of water and a globe is profoundly disturbing. If one is truly bound by the infallible words of Genesis, then there ain’t no globe. It’s a secularist lie, like evolution! The school must teach Flat Earth, Firmament, and Flood. Those are the Three Fs of Creationism.

  9. I often jokingly say that flat earthers need to bring a tub of water and a flat board with them when they speak to creationists. Submerge the flat board completely in the water and ask, “Do you believe in a flood like this?”

    If the answer is no, you know they’re compromisers. Flat-earth deniers. Heretics. You must shun them. Have nothing to do with them.

    Send your children only to the best Flat-Earth colleges. If they don’t yet exist, then you must create them. God expects nothing less from his true children.

  10. Michael Fugate

    Don’t you wait for revelation? Why do research – won’t God provide you with the answer. Just like God provided a president?
    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/oct/03/the-trump-prophecy-film-god-election-mark-taylor

  11. Charles Deetz ;)

    Michael Fugate — OMG, the self-deception of prayer and ‘words from god’ combined with Trumpian politics. So scary. I imagine there are more conservative/evangelical parents interested in testing potential colleges, but against Trumpian beliefs, much more important than creationist beliefts these days, I’ll bet.

  12. Karl Goldsmith (@KarlGoldsmith)

    Submerge the globe completely in the water and ask, “Do you believe in a flood like this?” But there is no mention of a globe in the bible, or any of those other countries from 6,000 years ago. It’s the old, how did animals get from Australia to the Ark in middle east, But the Bible makes no mention of these marsupials or the country they came from.

  13. How to pick the college where your children are least likely to learn anything about the world. What a good idea.

  14. Techreseller

    Is it just me or is WordPress having more and more errors posting comments. This is my third error in 6 tries to make a comment.

  15. Like all hypocritical religious types Hambone shows himself to be little more than just a controlling little…

    I guess some people are willing to pay good money to avoid thinking.