Self-Published Genius #82: Mysterious Mastermind

This is a fascinating addition to our series about Self-Published Geniuses, where we bring you news of authors with a vanity press book in which the author claims to have made paradigm-shattering discoveries, and announces his work by hiring a press release service.

The press release is titled David M. True’s Newly Released “Why God?” Is a Scintillating Argument for Truth Amidst the Ongoing Cultural Battle for Who Gets to Define That Truth — religion or Science. It was issued by PR Web, which describes itself as “the leader in online news distribution and publicity.” It says, with some bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

“Why God?”: a vital book [It’s vital!] for empowering people to choose the uncomfortable truth. “Why God?” is the creation of published author, David M. True, a truth seeker [Ooooooooooooh!] born and raised in a Christian household who, like all truth seekers, set out to challenge and thus strengthen his faith by addressing his doubts and finding his answers at the end of a hard road of bad decisions.

We know you’re interested, dear reader. The author is a truth seeker, and we all want to know The Truth. Let’s read on:

True shares, “Imagine that it is a cool, early morning. The sun hasn’t risen quite yet, but you can see its light just skimming the horizon. You find yourself sitting at a pier overlooking a body of water. Dense fog is rising from the water, and all you can see is a small patch of the water itself right in front of you. As you look at the water, you see some ripples. You cannot see ripples anywhere else because of the thick fog. The question is, what happened?”

This is exciting! Then the brilliant author says:

“You couldn’t see what caused the ripples only that they are there. This leaves you with four questions.

Ooooooooooooh! What are those four questions? Mr. True tells us:

“How did it happen? When did it happen? Where did it happen? What caused it to happen? This is what we have to work with, in essence, in order to prove the origin.”

The mind boggles! David True is indeed a genius. He continues:

“The water represents the universe. The ripples represent the evidence that has been discovered. The cause of the ripples is our origin story. There can be any number of theories to explain this occurrence, but there is not enough physical evidence in nature to assure which is correct.”

Ooooooooooooh! That’s where the quote from the author ends. It was quite a teaser! Presumably the book reveals the answers. Let’s read on:

Published by Christian Faith Publishing …

We must interrupt. Christian Faith Publishing is a name we keep running into. Here’s their website: Christian Faith Publishing. It leaves no doubt — they’re a vanity publisher. They even let authors pay their fees on a monthly installment plan. Okay, with that, and the press release, we know the book qualifies for our collection. Let’s return to that part of the press release:

Published by Christian Faith Publishing, David M. True’s new book deftly tackles the biggest arguments in circulation today, including naturalism vs. creationism, young earth vs. old earth, as well as evidence for and against Christianity as opposed to other religions, providing a balanced picture that ultimately will convince those with ears to hear and eyes to see the truth.

Ooooooooooooh! The book will convince you of The Truth! So we looked for the book at Amazon — and we found it! Here it is. It’s 156 pages long, and the cost is only $13.42 in paperback. How can you resist?

They also have a “Look inside” feature. We looked, and we were amazed! Amazon also says this:

For more than 150 years, a cold war has engulfed the world. Two feuding factions contend, not for military dominance, but for cultural sovereignty. Those caught in the middle are forced to choose sides. It is only a matter of time until this cold war escalates into a violent conflict. The victorious will have supreme rule over the world. The defeated will be utterly eradicated. Whose side will you choose?

Ooooooooooooh! What a book! Surprisingly, neither Amazon nor the press release tells us anything about the author. It doesn’t matter — he’s obviously the most brilliant man who ever lived. You gotta get this book, dear reader. Tell ’em the Curmudgeon sent ya.

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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12 responses to “Self-Published Genius #82: Mysterious Mastermind

  1. “there is not enough physical evidence in nature to assure which is correct.”
    Righty right. The only problem is that there will never be any physical evidence by definition to justify the conclusion “goddiddid”. Still that’s exactly what creacrap, no matter which variation, claims.

    “will convince those with ears to hear and eyes to see the truth.”
    Ah yes – if you are not convinced (like me) you’re deaf and blind.

  2. Fascinating? SC, it’s fascinating.

  3. Fastinating (sic)

  4. Okay, okay. It’s fixed.

  5. So, someone who says that the ripples were caused by a physical event, maybe a insect landing on the water, or a fish from below, or maybe a single raindrop – admitting that one does not know exactly what – that is not a totally satisfying answer, but it is the best one can do –
    That sort of person is an atheist.
    The better answer is “godidit”. After all, God can do anything, so he can make a ripple in the water.

    The analogy isn’t perfect. The person with the naturalistic explanation can bring in pictures of thousands of similar events, and can distinguish between different ripples, and see how some of the ripples were preceded by an insect landing on the water, some time a fish appears and swallows the insect, some of the time there is kid who throws a pebble in the water (I hadn’t thought of that before, which just goes to show that I am fallible in my materialistic-atheistic explanations!). And all of that is still not better than the explanation which explains all: godidit.

  6. Michael Fugate

    When he says this – “There are plenty of fantastic scientists on both sides [young earth v. old earth] of the argument in the past and present.” – you know he is a YEC. He tries to cast doubt on radioactive dating – which a quick scan of the Wikipedia article shows he is dishonest about the evidence.

  7. “It is only a matter of time until this cold war escalates into a violent conflict”.
    They better hurry up because their numbers are dwindling, and they only have sticks and stones.

  8. How can you doubt someone whose name is David True?

  9. It’s amazing David could tackle all those profound questions in just 156 pages but perhaps that’s because he neither understands evolution nor has the ability for extended metaphor. Oh oh, I just took a peek at Amazon, not a good thing to do. I’ll stick with SC’s quotes. I hope he didn’t pay a lot to have this book published.

  10. “It doesn’t matter — he’s obviously the most brilliant man who ever lived”

    After Ken Ham, obviously. Unless you’re suggesting that David M.. True is Ham’s “nom de plume”.

  11. “It was a dark and stormy night, when I, David M. True, Seeker of The Eternal Truth, went looking for it, after a lifetime of looking for it. I pondered as I wandered, and wondered on this mystery of mysteries as I reflected and
    muzed all at the same time. Suddenly!

    I found myself on a flat, empty, bare featureless plain, with rocks and trees and things everywhere around me, and even a Starbucks. I made my way inside, seeking the truth, but all they gave me was coughie and pastries.
    “NO!” I shouted. “That’s not the Truth!”

    An old wizened man sat in the corner, watching me with whizened eyes. He beckoned for me to approach him.
    “Hee hee hee”, he said. ” My name is Thorax, Keeper of the Eternal Truth.”
    “The Truth”, I said: “You have it? Give it to me!”

    He put before me two ancient and dusty tomes: one impossibly thick, semingly without end; the other, slimmer, more tempting, but I couldn’t quite make out the words: ‘On the the Organ of Spaces?’ What could that mean? I asked myself inside my mind, where my innermost thoughts live and dwell.

    “Choose wisely”, Thorax wheezed.

    An imposible dilemma! I was caught, ensnared like a baited aminal — like a fish, or a rabbit frozen in the headlights of a rampaging juggernaut! A choice of epic, cosmic dimentions, and I — David M. True– must live up to my name and make this choice!

    But the Truth! It was so close, I could practically feel it with my ears and taste it on my eyes!

    “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” I cried.

    Then I woke up. My mother was beside my bed.
    “David. You were having a nightmare.”

    It was all just a bad dream, after all. The End.

    (Teacher’s note: “Very good story, David. Very imaginative. You conjured up some evocative images. Just watch your spelling in some places, and be careful about mixed metaphors. B+”)

  12. “David M. True… like all truth seekers, set out to challenge and thus strengthen his faith by addressing his doubts and finding his answers at the end of a hard road of bad decisions.”

    A classic description of question-begging masquerading as questioning