Creative Challenge #54: Vulcan Greeting

Because tonight is Halloween and there’s nothing going on out there (until it gets dark!), we shall take advantage of the news lull to present another challenge to you, dear reader.

All Star Trek fans are familiar with the Vulcans — especially Mr. Spock — and their well-known greeting, “Live long and prosper,” accompanied by a raised hand with the four fingers separated in the middle. You also know that the Vulcans are a logical people, not given to superstitions and emotionalism. Obviously, there are no creationist Vulcans.

That brings us to today’s challenge. Assume that a Vulcan meets a human who is known to be a creationist — perhaps a Discoveroid, or maybe ol’ Hambo himself. The Vulcan wouldn’t say something crude, like wishing him a brief and ignorant lifespan. We imagine it would be more elevated, like: “Live long, but for naught.”

You can do better than that, so the form of today’s challenge is that you must tell us, with reasonable brevity:

What greeting would a Vulcan utter upon meeting a creationist?

You know the rules: You may enter the contest as many times as you wish, but you must avoid profanity, vulgarity, childish anatomical analogies, etc. Also, avoid slanderous statements about individuals. Feel free to comment on the entries submitted by others — with praise, criticism, or whatever — but you must do so tastefully.

There may not be a winner of this contest, but if there is, your Curmudgeon will decide, and whenever we get around to it we’ll announce who the winner is. There is no tangible prize — as always in life’s great challenges, the accomplishment is its own reward. We now throw open the comments section, dear reader. Go for it!

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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13 responses to “Creative Challenge #54: Vulcan Greeting

  1. siluriantrilobite

    “Live long and prosper. Please don’t teach, vote, or have children.”

    Sent from my iPad

  2. Illogical🖖

  3. May you live long to see your ignorance die.

  4. Michael Fugate

    Killing people with ideas you wish would die will not kill the ideas.

    Live long and learn something along the way, please.

  5. 1) “Live long and prosper” is spoken in parting, so is more a farewell or ‘parting blessing’ than a “greeting”.

    2) I would suspect that a Vulcan would consider all humans to be intractably illogical, and would not consider creationists to be significantly more so than the rest. I would therefore suggest that they’d use their standard farewell.

  6. I think Hrafn is close in supposing that, to Vulcans, humans must seem intractably illogical. But I still think that someone possessed with Spock’s powers of observation (and array of electronic sensors) actually would determine that Creationists were at the furthest end of human ignorance, and there would be no more point in addressing them than there would be in asking a Tribble a question about quantum mechanics.

    Nonetheless, as Chief Science Officer, Mr. Spock would be obliged to offer his report to the Captain:

    “They are rife, Jim–and don’t we know it!”

  7. “May your species live long enough to become fully human – i.e. your ancient reptilian brains act purely as adjuncts to your far more recently evolved prefrontal cortices.” Doesn’t have quite the punch of “Live long and prosper”, but brevity is often achieved at the expense of accuracy, so mine’s better. 🙂

  8. Megalonyx, re “the furthest end of human ignorance”:

    What about Geocentricists, Flat Earthers, etc? However wackadoodle Creationists may be, there is always somebody worse (and probably somebody worse yet then any given worse group besides).

    Also, I saw nothing in Star Trek to indicate a minimum-logicality threshold below which their standard parting-benediction would cease to apply. I would suspect that they’d give it to anybody (who wasn’t at the time actively trying to kill them).

  9. You could well be right, Hrafn–but I don’t recall that Spock ever offered a greeting or a benediction to Tribbles, presumably on the grounds they were too simple a creature to understand such.

    I wonder what would happen if Spock were to attempt a Vulcan Mind-Meld with a Flat-Earther, an Anti-Vaxxer, a Creationist, or Honey Boo-Boo.

    That would be fascinating

  10. “Greetings, you must be related to the Klingons”.

  11. Attempting to cheat, I asked a colleague who is a fanatical Trekkie for her suggestion in the hope I could pass it on as my own unassisted work. But alas, she had no suggestion to make here.

    She did note, however, that Star Trek TNG included an alien species with some marked similarities to Creationists: Pakleds

    The Pakleds’ own technology was significantly less advanced than that of many other spacefaring races. According to Data in 2365, it remained “a genuine curiosity how they ever mastered the rudiments of space travel.” They were driven by their unwillingness to develop technological knowledge on their own, desiring to instantly gain the power that other cultures enjoyed. They therefore tried to acquire technology from other species, generally by theft

    Anyone else see here similarities with captive ‘peer-reviewed journals’ and green-screen ‘laboratories’?

  12. A Vulcan would not acknowledge the existence of a creationist or, at least, certainly not their sapience.

  13. I’m going to make a lot of enemies here. Mr. Spock always struck me as not being very “logical”. He didn’t respond logically to the emotions of humans. He should have just observed the illogicality of humans driven by emotions as we would observe the motions of a rock falling under the influence of gravity, not disturbed by an action which was contrary to his analysis, just “I made a mistake. I will learn from that.” Not, for certain, blame the humans.