Ken Ham Has a Job Waiting for You

Business is booming at the Ark Encounter, one of the glorious projects of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia. Hambo just posted this at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: Experience a Gospel-Driven Career with Ark Encounter.

What a headline! Who wouldn’t want a career like that? Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Did you know our 1,500-seat restaurant, Emzara’s Buffet, at the Ark Encounter is one of the largest in the United States? During our busiest times, our buffet offers thousands of guests both lunch and dinner options. It takes many hands to keep this extremely high-quality restaurant running and producing fresh, delicious food. And, if you love cooking, you could join the team!

Ooooooooooooh! Then he says:

We’re adding seven more line cooks to our full-time Ark Encounter culinary services team. These jobs come with benefits, competitive wages, and 401k benefits (and, of course, free admission [Gasp!] to both the Ark and Creation Museum).

Wowie — free admission! What a great fringe benefit! After that he tells us:

Our Culinary Services team is also hiring [big list,
]: Dining room attendants, Register operators, Cooks, Dishwashers, Bussers, Salad and dessert prep, Food runners, Wait staff.

Something in that list must meet your aptitudes, dear reader. And the good news continues:

With a job at the Ark Encounter, you’ll have a gospel-driven career. The Ark isn’t just an incredible attraction that attracts thousands daily. [What else is it?] It’s an attraction that impacts people for eternity [Gasp!] by presenting the message of the gospel and boldly provides answers to the skeptical questions of our day. And, by joining our team, you get to be a part of what we’re doing!

Irresistible, isn’t it? Let’s read on:

You also get to work with like-minded believers. Many of our employees find this refreshing and encouraging, and they value the friendships formed. I may be biased [Hee hee!], but I think we have a great team of people and that you’ll love working here. … Apply today at [Link omitted.]

There’s a bunch more jobs at that link. We were intrigued by Groundskeeper , so we went there to take a look. Among other duties, that person: “Keeps parking lot, walks and driveway clear of debris and litter.” And like all of Hambo’s jobs, these items are needed for possible employment:

• Completion of on-line application
• Resume
• Salary requirements
• Salvation testimony
• Creation belief statement
• Confirmation of agreement with the AiG Statement of Faith

That last item is is amazing. If you haven’t seen it yet, you gotta take a look: Statement of Faith.

We know you’re interested, but you’d better hurry. Opportunities like this are rare, and these jobs won’t be available much longer!

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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15 responses to “Ken Ham Has a Job Waiting for You

  1. Michael Fugate

    Ham gets carried away with this one:
    The only legitimate marriage sanctioned by God is the joining of one naturally born man and one naturally born woman in a single, exclusive union, as delineated in Scripture. God intends sexual intimacy to only occur between a man and a woman who are married to each other, and has commanded that no intimate sexual activity be engaged in outside of a marriage between a man and a woman. Any form of sexual immorality, such as adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, bisexual conduct, bestiality, incest, pornography, or any attempt to change one’s gender, or disagreement with one’s biological gender, is sinful and offensive to God.

    Divorce? So all those polygamous patriarchs were wrong? I think he means it is offensive to Ham, but not sure Ham can see the difference between himself and God.

    As this week’s Nature says – sex and gender are complex, much more so than the Trump admin and his evangelical whisperers could imagine.
    But then again, when has Ham ever the least understanding of science?

  2. Salary requirements? That’s a killer right off. Anything approaching minimum wages from the bottom end is likely to be ignored. After all, look at all the other benefits as well as the environment. Hell, folks should gladly work for free!

  3. “You also get to work with likeempty-minded believers.”

  4. Dave Luckett

    But he’s hiring in November? Christmas is coming, but still it’s an odd time of year for a tourist attraction to be putting on staff – unless a whole lot of them left during the summer.

  5. The job of chef on board a contemporary long-sailing sea vessel would incur the preparation of the foodstuffs at hand, which would be salted/dried meat, salted fish, cheese, peas, butter and sea biscuits. Possibly dried fruits and raisins, in the Mediterranean area. The drinks will be wine, wine, and oh, wine (the freshwater being reserved for the animals unless they want to end up with alcoholic kangaroos).

    All people will start suffering from scurvy after a month but they’ll be in a constant haze of alcohol so they won’t notice until their teeth fall out.

  6. “free admission”
    Not good enough. Whenever I waste my time on that crap I want to get paid – at a competitive wage.

    “Salvation testimony”
    Oops – I’m already disqualified.

  7. Clearly he discriminates on the basis of religion. Is this legal? It might be if religion were relevant to duties, but groundsman?

  8. Sorry but the idea of living in Kentucky and lying every day about how awesome jesus is, would be too stressful!

  9. Karl Goldsmith (@KarlGoldsmith)

    Imagine being surrounded by idiots all day long, that sounds like hell.

  10. Karl Goldsmith (@KarlGoldsmith)

    As it’s the “2018 Creation College Expo”, AiG likes to conflate Creation with Christian, I’m sure they will find a lot of candidates.

  11. “unless a whole lot of them left during the summer.”

    THIS. And yes, given their attendance graph (which is already down 17% year over year), it makes no sense to ramp up going into the winter. There’s something he’s not telling us….. what a surprise?

  12. I’d take a job at Ham’s park, yet only is my job or to the side of the faux ark with a huge padded mallet.

    This should sufficiently simulate the thudding of the thousands of bloated rotting corpses floating around the boat.

    I would also tend the barrels of offal simulating the putrid stench permeating the air.

  13. Text to speech and haste laid waste….

  14. @Fentwin
    faux ark
    Isn’t a “faux” something supposed to have some semblance to that something?
    As far as I can tell, the only resemblance to Noah’s Ark is something like its size. And, even at that, aren’t the dimensions somewhat different? As if he can’t bring himself to be truly literal. (Sort of like a politician who can’t tell the truth even if it were to his advantage.)

  15. The Ark has several notable features. My favorite is the row of garage doors under the hull. I bet Noah wishes he had thought of that.