Earthquake Caused by Uranus Predicted

Until some creationism news comes along, we’ll entertain you with some other-worldly Oogity Boogity. We found this in the Daily Express, a national tabloid newspaper headquartered in London (with an active comments feature). Their headline is Earthquake WARNING: ‘CRITICAL’ tremor predicted in DAYS. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

EARTH should brace itself for a large earthquake in the coming days as planets in the solar system align and tug on Earth’s tectonic plates, as an earthquake forecaster predicts a tremor will strike between now and Thursday.

The planets are aligning! Ooooooooooooh! The prediction comes from an “earthquake forecaster,” so it must be true. The tabloid says:

This is because Venus, Uranus [Gasp!], Neptune, the Moon and Mars are all pulling on Earth. The gravitational pull of the celestial bodies either side of our planet could pull on Earth’s tectonic plates, according to the prediction. As the plates are tugged apart, they could cause earthquakes around the globe.

Egad — they’re all pulling on the Earth! And Uranus is involved. This is serious! Here’s more:

New-age earthquake forecasting website Ditrianum, run by researcher Frank Hoogerbeets, made the prediction, saying: “Critical geometry on the 12th and 13th may trigger more seismic unrest and possibly larger earthquakes from the 13th to the 15th”.

Here’s their website: Ditrianum. Their “About” page says:

Ditrianum is a non-profit organization with a primary focus on seismic activity related to planetary geometry. Based in the Netherlands, Ditrianum was founded in 2002 by Frank Hoogerbeets who since childhood has a great interest in the solar system and the planets.

Very impressive! The tabloid continues:

Mr Hoogerbeets claims he uses a Solar System Geometry Index (SSGI) which “is the computation of a dataset for a specific time-frame of values given to specific geometric positions of the planets, the Moon and the Sun”. [Wow!] He added: “After three years of observations, it became clear that some planetary geometry in the Solar System clearly tends to cause a seismic increase, while other geometry does not.”

There’s also information about another earthquake coming this Christmas, but it’s a month away so we’ll let you read that for yourself. The news story ends with a bit of typical negativity from other scientists, who are probably jealous of Hoogerbeets:

But experts have dismissed Mr Hoogerbeets’ claims, saying that there is no way earthquakes can be predicted. John Bellini, a geophysicist at the US Geological Survey (USGS) has said: “We can’t predict or forecast earthquakes. Sometimes before a large earthquake you’ll have a foreshock or two, but we don’t know they’re foreshocks until the big one happens.”

The fools! Your Curmudgeon isn’t taking any chances. We’re going deep underground and staying there until the danger is passed. We hope that you do likewise, dear reader.

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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12 responses to “Earthquake Caused by Uranus Predicted

  1. I suppose someone with more maths skills and knowledge of the gravitational fields around planets than I could compute the combined effect of Venus, Uranus, Neptune, Mars and the moon have on Earth. However, since the planets mentioned are much further away than the moon, and since there is, as far as I know, no change earthquake frequency with the lunar cycle, I’m not too worried. But I do hope Mr. Hoogerbeets has a nice supply of Dutch beer to drink while he contemplates his prediction.

  2. As I write these last words, I glance at the clock and note… hold on – it’s already Thursday here in the antipodes. Outside I hear the carolling of a magpie as the dawn breaks. It is as usual a wonderful sun-filled, trouble-free day in this paradise (bloody flies), though we are due for a new Prime Minister later this afternoon. The incumbent having been in the job for a few weeks now.

    Yes, that’ll be the answer. The Express, a publication known for the accuracy and reliability of its reportage, must have meant that the earthquake would be timed for midday GMT. Alas and alack.

  3. “Hoogerbeet” could replace “drool” as in “Hoogerbeet-o-tron”. The name sounds somewhat insulting to begin with.

    But seriously, the planets mentioned aren’t even aligned, and big boy Jupiter, which is more massive than all the other planets combined is on the opposite side of the sun.

  4. In our tiny New Zealand we have 50-80 earthquakes per day (30 a day with magnitude >2).
    Searching for evidence worldwide Mr Hoogerbeets should have no problem ‘proving’ his theory to be correct, after the event.

  5. @abeastwood — There actually may be a slight correlation between occurrence of earthquakes and the lunar cycle (new moon & full moon, when we get spring tides), but it’s very slight. You’re right, though — the planets are so much further away than the moon and they are so much smaller than the sun that they have no influence on earthquakes, let alone tides. If there were any influence on earth caused by the alignment of the planets, it would show up in the tides, not in earthquakes.

    Furthermore, even if there were an effect on earthquakes caused by the lunar cycle, it wouldn’t be happening this week. The moon is at first quarter, 90º out of alignment with the sun. Thus, tidal effects are at their weakest this week.

    So in short, the story in the Daily Express is expressly BS.

  6. “Your Curmudgeon isn’t taking any chances. We’re going deep underground and staying there until the danger is passed”.
    Not sure if that’s a good idea with earthquakes. What about camping in a hot air balloon, tethered to your fortress.

  7. What a dull old world we would live in without our wackos. Without religious, political, scientify nutters, we would face a boring time. Give me doom and gloom every day. Even conspiracy theorists (although I think there is a conspiracy to perpetuate conspiracy theorists) brighten my life. 🙂

  8. Wackos .. I hate those guys too. I’ve mapped the azimuths of the primary faulting in Florida and around the Bahamas Platform as a result of these planetary forces. The major strike slip faults couldl run right through the citadel, SC’s mighty high tech hdqrs. Its great if one goes into a cave or digs a deep hole as long as its a few miles away from this faulting trend. Also, I am breaking out a fresh supply of brown paper bags and tin foil hats as I await this catastrophe.
    I’m part timing at an outdoor sporting goods store and strike slip faults never go through outdoor sporting goods stores so I’M pretty safe.

  9. I think Frank has eaten too many Amsterdam Brownies. Keep out of the cafes< Frankie.

  10. I took a look on Google for his name. There are several news reports from the last few years of the possibilies for earthquakes. I haven’t bothered to check them for accuracy. If anybody is seriously interested, maybe they should. I wonder whether the fact checkers in the newspapers have.

  11. TomS
    “I wonder whether the fact checkers in the newspapers have.”

    At the Daily Express???

  12. There are reports of a magnitude 6 earthquake near the Solomon Islands.