Hambo Is Upgrading the Creation Museum

You know about the mind-boggling Creation Museum. It’s one of the glorious achievements of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

Ol’ Hambo has some great news today which appears at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: Next Phase of “Operation Upgrade” Begins at the Creation Museum. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

We’re thrilled to announce we’re starting the final phase of the current Creation Museum upgrades known as Operation Upgrade! Starting last year, we’ve been upgrading aspects of the Creation Museum to accommodate for the significant increase in the number of guests we’re hosting and allowing them to move throughout the museum with ease.

If Hambo’s thrilled, we are too. Then he says:

In the first phases of the upgrades, we added more parking, widened hallways in the main part of the museum, added another set of restrooms [Good idea!], and made other modifications to ensure that every guest has a wonderful, enjoyable experience. Our most recent upgrade featured the opening of our 4D Special Effects Theater.

We wrote about the 4D theater in Hambo Masters the Fourth Dimension. He told us:

Due to the updates, this state-of-the-art 4D theater is now able to show 3D films as well as provide special effects that create the “4th D,” such as rumbling seats [Huh?], wind [Hee hee!], and other surprises.

But what about the new upgrades? Here ya go:

And that brings us to the next and final phase of the current museum upgrades. This phase will see the creation and installation of stunning new exhibits that will take into account the state of our contemporary culture, featuring great teaching and interactive experiences to equip and challenge our guests. These exhibits will give the museum a fresh, exciting feel while even more clearly testifying to the truth of God’s Word, especially when it relates to origins.

Ooooooooooooh! The museum will have a fresh, exciting feel! What was it before — cold and creepy? Anyway, then Hambo’s post has a bunch of pictures he describes as “concept illustrations.” All we see is drawings of droolers wandering around. Hambo continues:

Even in areas where we’re doing these exciting upgrades, you’ll notice when you visit that we’ve added teaching signs outside the area so that you won’t miss out on any of the fantastic information.

Teaching signs? Probably something like: “Enter here to learn that Adam & Eve were real people!” Hambo ends with the usual creationist request for funds:

If you would like to be part of these exciting museum changes that will testify to the truth of God’s Word and the gospel [Who wouldn’t?], please consider giving towards these upgrades; gifts to the upgrades will be matched dollar-for-dollar through the end of the year. Learn more and donate at [link omitted].

So there you are, dear reader. Things are moving forward at Hambo’s museum. Aren’t you glad?

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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8 responses to “Hambo Is Upgrading the Creation Museum

  1. “to ensure that every guest has a wonderful, enjoyable experience.”

    …While they stand around reading signs about how they’ll burn in hell if they don’t believe Ken’s version of the Bible……

  2. Sorry, Ken. Ho hum.

  3. Now now, let’s not all be so churlish!

    How could anyone not be drooling with excitement at the prospect of seeing Hambo’s

    more parking, widened hallways in the main part of the museum, …[and] another set of restrooms

    Can Disneyland match such thrills?

  4. Megalonyx asks: “How could anyone not be drooling with excitement …”

    The bathrooms are undoubtedly the biggest feature. Most of Hambo’s creationist visitors have never seen indoor plumbing before.

  5. “Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad:
    And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:”
    Deuteronomy 23:12-13

  6. In some states forcibly taking your child, is there any other way, to a creationist museum is considered a form of child abuse.

  7. I suspect they had to widen hallways and install additional restrooms due to code violations. This does not sound like something they would due voluntarily.

  8. Karl Goldsmith

    Liabilities from the last three 990 show they have nearly doubled in three years I assume this would be tied to the junk bonds they have to pay out on. I take it people are getting money from the junk bonds.