Hambo Invites You Into a Cave

This is an odd one — even for Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. It just popped up at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), Hambo’s creationist ministry, titled Go Spelunking with Buddy Davis in Cumberland Caverns. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Looking for some adventure in God’s amazing creation? [Yes!] Then grab your hiking boots and join AiG adventurer, singer/songwriter, paleo-artist, and sculptor Buddy Davis in beautiful Tennessee for a Creation Caving [link omitted] adventure through the spectacular Cumberland Caverns, March 16–17, 2019.

What does that have to do with creationism? Bear with us. Hambo says:

Buddy’s video, Amazing Adventures: Extreme Caving [link omitted], was filmed at Cumberland Caverns and he’ll be showing the video on location while you enjoy a delicious dinner inside the cave.

Wowie — dinner in a cave! It’s what we’ve always wanted. Hambo tells us:

You’ll also be entertained at a Buddy Davis concert, as well as hear some behind-the-scenes stories while you explore the caverns for yourself during a 1.5-mile hike. Encounter a waterfall, gleaming pools, and historical saltpeter artifacts — all underground! And, of course, you’ll also discover how the caves actually formed according the true history found in God’s Word.

The bible explains how caves were formed? We didn’t know that. What does the bible say about caves? All we know is the tale in Genesis 19 about Lot and his daughters. Here’s a bit of it (King James version, of course):

29 And it came to pass, when God destroyed the cities of the plain, that God remembered Abraham, and sent Lot out of the midst of the overthrow, when he overthrew the cities in the which Lot dwelt.

30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.

31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:

You know what happened next. What will happen during Hambo’s caving expedition? He continues:

And if you’re feeling particularly adventurous, tuck in for a night in the caves — but only after some wild cave spelunking.

Daughters optional. Let’s read on:

Crawl through tight crevices, scale up ladders, and get wet and muddy. [Yuk!] This hike is not for the faint of heart — and you’ll be ready to crawl into your sleeping bag when you’re done! — but it’s an unforgettable adventure exploring God’s creation. (And don’t worry, there are showers outside the caves!)

Sounds great! One more excerpt:

By the way, the Ark Encounter is about a four-hour drive from the caves, so maybe you can combine a trip to see the massive ship as well.

Okay, dear reader, now you have some decisions to make. Does Hambo’s adventure appeal to you? Really? Well, then click over to Hambo’s post. The links for signing up are all there. And for a real biblical experience, bring your daughters! Hambo will approve — see AIG Defends Lot’s Righteousness.

Copyright © 2018. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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17 responses to “Hambo Invites You Into a Cave

  1. Michael Fugate

    Play it if you dare – Buddy Davis’ song “I Don’t Believe in Evolution”

  2. It is not irrelevant that “cave”, (pronounced “car-vay”) in Latin, means “beware”.

  3. Charles Deetz ;)

    As I suspected, from Cumberland Caverns website

    Solution caves are formed over millions of years when rock is slowly dissolved by slightly acidic water. Terrains that show evidence of solution caves, such as sinkholes and springs, are called Karst. Cumberland Caverns is known as a solution cave and was formed by two underground rivers.

  4. Holding The Line In Florida

    Ok I listened to it. I am convinced! There are something’s dumber than rocks. That song is one.

  5. Gee, it’s too bad Lot’s daughters didn’t have a Buddy Davis on hand to lend that authentic hillbilly ambience to the proceedings with Papa in the cave:

    “Squeal like a pig!”

  6. Michael Fugate

    Isn’t Lot’s defense not unlike a certain supreme court justice’s?

  7. Well, I couldn’t wait to hear it from Buddy, or rather I couldn’t imagine anything worse than a hearing with Buddy.

    Anyway, AnswersinGenisis has the rather predictable answer that the caves were formed as a result of The Flood. I should have known.

  8. Creationists do have a better song…

  9. How they know how the caves were formed? Where they there? It doesn’t say in the Bible.

  10. “What does that have to do with creationism?”
    Hmmmm, let me speculate a bit before reading on ….
    The Cumberland Caves are designed by Ol’Hambo’s god so that Buddy can do some spelunking with us. Also Ol’Hambo needs an answer to ICR’s Ice Age Theatre.

    @MichaelF: thanks, Buddy cheered me up.

    @CharlesD: go on spelunking with Buddy. Or listen to his song. That will cure you from your evil misconceptions.

  11. Sorry but no! Been there done that on my own, and did not see gawd, but then it was very dark down there, also did not see satan either!

  12. I’m baffled: ” Encounter a waterfall, gleaming pools, and historical saltpeter artifacts

    Highly soluble nitrates in a sopping wet cave? How does God do that?

  13. When my dear Aunt Myra died in hospital, she beckoned me closer with her eyes.
    “Yes, Auntie” I said “What is it?”
    “If only…” she whispered painfully.
    “If only what?”
    “If only I’d made the time to eat dinner in a cave. Now it’s all too late.”

    A wonderful lady, but she went to her grave with that one big regret. I’m making sure it’s on my bucket list.

  14. AIGers in a cave remind me of an allegory about the bad effects of lack of education by someone named Plato.

  15. @Michael Fugate: What a great song by Buddy Davis! I could listen to it all day!

    I don’t believe in reproduction, I know creation’s true. I believe that God above created me and you.

    That stuff they try to indoctrinate you with in sex-ed is really icky, ugh.

  16. Michael Fugate

    re: reproduction without sex. If it were good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for me.

  17. I’m thinking Buddy didn’t earn a geology degree from an accredited university geology department . Just thinking out loud here.