Hambo Reports Bible Vandalism

This is shocking news from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. He just posted this at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: “Terry the Trilobite” Appears in NKY Hotel Bibles. (NKY presumably means Northern Kentucky, the location of Hambo’s creationist empire.) Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

I recently met a gentleman named Nathan Elliot, who works at a ministry called the Knight Lights, at our Answers for Pastors and Christian Leaders conference. He showed me a picture he’d taken of a Bible from a hotel in the vicinity of the Creation Museum.

A picture of a hotel room bible? That’s odd. Hambo says:

As you can see in the picture below, someone had glued a picture of a trilobite (an extinct marine creature) into the early pages of the Gideon’s Bible found in the hotel room drawer. [Gasp!] Along with the picture were the words,

This is Terry, he is a trilobite. He is 400 million years old, he predates your religion, your God, and all humanity. Pick up another book.

You can see the bible insert if you click over to Hambo’s post. Good graphics, but whoever left it in a bible is rather childish. It’s low-grade behavior — like an internet troll. Hambo tells us:

This was the second time Nathan had seen this particular image pasted inside Bibles in a local hotel. [Egad!] It’s interesting that whoever glued this snarky image did so over the page of the Bible that had verse references for “help in time of need.”

Why is that interesting? Hambo explains:

Whoever left this picture there has no positive message, just one that attacks Christians, God, and the Bible, but seemed to have felt the need to cover over verses that might actually provide help to someone struggling (thankfully though they didn’t actually cover over the pages of Scripture).

It’s more likely that the troll just slipped the insert in at a random page. Hambo continues:

Sadly, many secularists are intolerant of Christians and the Bible. They hate God, and are vehemently opposed to him, his Word, and his people. This shouldn’t surprise us. Men love darkness rather than light (John 3:19) and Jesus warned us that the world would hate him and us (John 15:18). It’s interesting that many secularists will exhibit intolerance, often in an aggressive way, towards Christians, but they will demand tolerance of all their beliefs!

We won’t defend the idiot who’s inserting those things into bibles, but Hambo’s reaction seems a wee bit excessive. Oh wait — now he tosses in some creationism:

Whoever left this trilobite image is scientifically wrong. [Huh?] Terry the trilobite died, was buried and fossilized just 4,350 years ago during the global flood of Noah’s day. These creatures — with their incredibly complex eyes — aren’t evidence of millions of years of evolution, but rather of God’s creative power and the destructive nature of the flood.

He ends by promoting one of his tourist attractions:

And you can come and see real trilobite fossils — and uncover the truth behind them — inside some excellent exhibits at the Creation Museum. [Link omitted.]

So there you are, dear reader. Someone is running around slipping Darwinist misinformation into bibles, but don’t be fooled. Hambo is telling you The Truth.

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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19 responses to “Hambo Reports Bible Vandalism

  1. “It’s interesting that many secularists will exhibit intolerance, often in an aggressive way, towards Christians, but they will demand tolerance of all their beliefs!”
    Look who’s talking about intolerance. Conservative christianity wins the prize in that category.

  2. Ham tells us: trilobites “aren’t evidence of millions of years of evolution, but rather of God’s creative power and the destructive nature of the flood.”

    The flood sent by God, that is. So a buried trilobite is evidence for both creative and destructive power. So God explains both. In fact, God’s completely equivocal. Good, bad, creative, destructive – God explains everything.

    Funny thing about something that explains everything. It explains nothing.

  3. Michael Fugate

    It is a story of humanity’s wickedness which a god can do nothing about – an incongruity between omnipotence and incompetence – not so much hate as indifference.

  4. Ah yes. The poor persecuted Hambo creationists. This is shocking. Shicking !! And in kentucky of all places. Its of the devil.

  5. So the HAMster is now claiming that ancient marine arthropods *drowned* when too much water was present from a fantasy flood?! How can any gill bearing marine organism *drown*? The HAMster does not even understand his own words let alone words in a collection of primitive religious fantasy writings, and of course *never* understand *any* scientific writings.

  6. The above was written by me, WordPress has decided that it no longer knows me for some bizarre reason.

  7. So, let me get this straight.

    The loving, creative Creator (blessed be he!) lovingly created 20,000 species of trilobite with incredibly complex eyes then KILLED THEM ALL!!!!! ALL OF THEM KILLED!!!!! BURIED ALIVE!!!!! DROWNED!!!!! DIE, TRILOBITE, WITH YOUR INCREDIBLE EYES, DIE!!!! DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!!

    Nice guy that Creator, but a bit of a temper.

  8. Michael Fugate

    What would Ham say if someone added info about a post-flood ice age or rapid speciation? Perhaps something on heliocentrism?

  9. The Bible has nothing about the trilobites, nothing about extinction, nothing about fossils. It does suggest that marine creatures, like the trilobites, didn’t need the Ark’s protection.
    So how does one arrive at that scenario? Was one there? Or is one adding to the word of the Book (Revelation 22:18)?

  10. God gave Terry the trilobite “incredibly complex eyes” to witness, in spectacular detail, the complete annihilation of the world. Terry got to see and appreciate the irony of all his friends and family drowning in the very element they’d once happily swam in, and then somehow end up fossilized in a limestone deposit in Egypt.

    God had a little snigger over Terry and his ‘homies perishing, while the nearby pyramids and Sphinx emerged unscathed from all that annihilation.


  11. @ChrisS, everyone knows that the Pyramids are post-Flood and that the Egyptians got their own dates wrong: https://answersingenesis.org/bible-timeline/how-does-mans-history-fit-with-the-biblical-timeline/

  12. Eddie Janssen

    @Paul Braterman:
    That is a revealing link:
    The Fall: Day 10 after Creation?
    Tower of Babel:106 years after the Flood. How did people get anything done in between procreating?

  13. doc bill. Yes ….And he drowned them too. Somehow. All at once. Before he drowned the rabbit. Whom he waited for near last to drown. And he had the trilobites all get buried in exactly the same layers all around the world. Because magical stuff like that is easy for supernatural beings. He’s not only mean. He’s also very particular in the order in which he drowns critters. And people.

  14. I’m going to counter-complain using a “Tu quoque” argument. I did a college paper on an evolutionary topic. While doing research in the library in books and periodicals that specifically had “evolution” in the title it was common to see young earth creationist tracts fall out. I’ve also seen Bible tracts deposited in books in the occult section of book stores. Oh and of course Bible tracts on my parked car. Some bible tracts are made to resemble currency. I suppose it isn’t the same level of “vandalism”, but the Gideons don’t mind. Once the Bibles are marked up, taken, or worn out they simply provide new ones, so “Terry” is helping the Gideons with their “mission”. But now that I know how to get Hambo’s goat, on my next vacation “Terry” will be traveling with me.

  15. If I’m feeling more than usually childish when I come across a Bible in a hotel room, I turn down the page corners to mark Deuternomy 13 and I highlight vv. 6 – 10, and Deut. 21, v. 20

  16. @och will
    We know that the pattern of burial, in all of its complexity, had to be the result of design.
    Just think of the millions of fossils, each one in their associated stratum. The probability that that is a result of chance would be in the bazillions.

  17. @Paul Braterman
    I think that chapter 26 of Proverbs seems timely.

  18. @Zetopan
    I have noticed that by signature is not automatically appended to my posts. I have to remember to sign my posts. Is this the same thing that is happening to you?

  19. This is how John and Paul* should have told the story!

    “Somewhere in the black mining hills of Kentucky
    their lived an old hack named Kenny Raccoon.
    And one day his Bible ran off with a trilobite…

    Kenny Raccoon checked into his room
    Only to find Gideon’s Bible.
    The Bible, it seems,
    Had broken his dreams,
    defiled with a picture of a trilobite.”

    A classic tale.

    *But mainly Paul.