It’s difficult for your Curmudgeon to express his true feelings about what we just found in London’s Daily Mail, a British tabloid with an active comments feature. Their headline is German scientists say stop sending signals into space in case humans make contact with ‘capitalist aliens’ who’ll come and destroy Earth. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
Scientists are warning the human race not to send any more signals into space as making contact with an alien race with ‘a similar kind of capitalist economic structure’ [How horrible!] as us would lead to the Earth’s annihilation. The warning has come from two German scientists, Professor Dr Michael Schetsche and Dr Andreas Anton, at the Institute for Frontier Areas of Psychology and Mental Health (IPGG) in the south-western city of Freiburg.
Ooooooooooooh! It’s a warning from “scientists” at a mental health institute. The tabloid says:
The pair argue that potentially alerting ‘capitalist aliens’ to Earth’s existence is one of five major threats to life as we know it on this planet. [Five major threats!] They made the warning in a new book titled ‘The Alien Society – Introduction to Exosociology’.
Exo-sociology? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Hey, here’s the Amazon listing for their book, but it’s in German: Die Gesellschaft der Außerirdischen: Einführung in die Exosoziologie. The tabloid tells us:
Professor Schetsche, who also works as a sociology professor [That explains a lot!] at the University of Freiburg, said that as part of their research they encountered five major problems which could threaten life on Earth. Prof Schetsche said: ‘Climate change threatens to become catastrophic for us. Then there is the threat of a new cold or even hot war. Also very present on the scientific agenda is the return of major epidemics.
Climate change, war, and epidemics. That’s three extinction threats. What else do the sociologists warn us about? The Schetsche quote continues:
‘Then there are the two hidden dangers that hardly anyone thinks about. One is the construction of a strong universal artificial intelligence (AI) which is capable of knowing everything. It is going to be extremely difficult to control and could possibly turn against us. ‘The fifth point is that we are penetrating ever further into the universe and there are initiatives to advance into the next solar system in the coming decades. There we could meet other beings and such an encounter could be risky.’
Things look grim indeed. Let’s read on:
Professor Schetsche claims that the possibility of finding alien artefacts [sic] on future expeditions could be dangerous.
The sociologist describes how we could find some abandoned bit of alien technology, bring it back, and it would blow up the Earth. Don’t laugh, that really could happen — if sociologists were in charge of the artifact. Oh, hey — this is great:
Prof Schetsche believes that it is about time to prepare for such an event by forging international alliances so the entire world, perhaps under UN supervision, can deal with it on a united front.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! We can’t go on much longer. Here’s how the thing ends:
Prof Schetsche predicts that any future conflict with an alien race would be similar to a ‘showdown between Bambi and Godzilla, and we would be Bambi in this case’. If that ever happened, he said ‘we really should expect the destruction of humanity’. To avoid such a scenario, Prof Schetsche wants a UN declaration ‘prohibiting individuals or research groups from actively broadcasting signals into space’. He said: ‘It may sound cynical, but if an alien society with a similar kind of capitalist economic structure discovers us, then God have mercy on us.’
So there you are. The study of exo-sociology informs us that alien capitalists will destroy humanity as in a “showdown between Bambi and Godzilla,” and only the UN can save us. Make of it what you will, dear reader.
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