Sociologist Warns: Beware of Capitalist Aliens

It’s difficult for your Curmudgeon to express his true feelings about what we just found in London’s Daily Mail, a British tabloid with an active comments feature. Their headline is German scientists say stop sending signals into space in case humans make contact with ‘capitalist aliens’ who’ll come and destroy Earth. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Scientists are warning the human race not to send any more signals into space as making contact with an alien race with ‘a similar kind of capitalist economic structure’ [How horrible!] as us would lead to the Earth’s annihilation. The warning has come from two German scientists, Professor Dr Michael Schetsche and Dr Andreas Anton, at the Institute for Frontier Areas of Psychology and Mental Health (IPGG) in the south-western city of Freiburg.

Ooooooooooooh! It’s a warning from “scientists” at a mental health institute. The tabloid says:

The pair argue that potentially alerting ‘capitalist aliens’ to Earth’s existence is one of five major threats to life as we know it on this planet. [Five major threats!] They made the warning in a new book titled ‘The Alien Society – Introduction to Exosociology’.

Exo-sociology? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Hey, here’s the Amazon listing for their book, but it’s in German: Die Gesellschaft der Außerirdischen: Einführung in die Exosoziologie. The tabloid tells us:

Professor Schetsche, who also works as a sociology professor [That explains a lot!] at the University of Freiburg, said that as part of their research they encountered five major problems which could threaten life on Earth. Prof Schetsche said: ‘Climate change threatens to become catastrophic for us. Then there is the threat of a new cold or even hot war. Also very present on the scientific agenda is the return of major epidemics.

Climate change, war, and epidemics. That’s three extinction threats. What else do the sociologists warn us about? The Schetsche quote continues:

‘Then there are the two hidden dangers that hardly anyone thinks about. One is the construction of a strong universal artificial intelligence (AI) which is capable of knowing everything. It is going to be extremely difficult to control and could possibly turn against us. ‘The fifth point is that we are penetrating ever further into the universe and there are initiatives to advance into the next solar system in the coming decades. There we could meet other beings and such an encounter could be risky.’

Things look grim indeed. Let’s read on:

Professor Schetsche claims that the possibility of finding alien artefacts [sic] on future expeditions could be dangerous.

The sociologist describes how we could find some abandoned bit of alien technology, bring it back, and it would blow up the Earth. Don’t laugh, that really could happen — if sociologists were in charge of the artifact. Oh, hey — this is great:

Prof Schetsche believes that it is about time to prepare for such an event by forging international alliances so the entire world, perhaps under UN supervision, can deal with it on a united front.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! We can’t go on much longer. Here’s how the thing ends:

Prof Schetsche predicts that any future conflict with an alien race would be similar to a ‘showdown between Bambi and Godzilla, and we would be Bambi in this case’. If that ever happened, he said ‘we really should expect the destruction of humanity’. To avoid such a scenario, Prof Schetsche wants a UN declaration ‘prohibiting individuals or research groups from actively broadcasting signals into space’. He said: ‘It may sound cynical, but if an alien society with a similar kind of capitalist economic structure discovers us, then God have mercy on us.’

So there you are. The study of exo-sociology informs us that alien capitalists will destroy humanity as in a “showdown between Bambi and Godzilla,” and only the UN can save us. Make of it what you will, dear reader.

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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13 responses to “Sociologist Warns: Beware of Capitalist Aliens

  1. Theodore Lawry

    All of these “threats” sound very science fiction-y, and it’s the science fiction of Hollywood in the 1950s. How odd!

  2. But what are we to make of “socialist aliens”? Inquiring minds want to know!

  3. “artefact” is a european spelling

  4. @Chris Watson
    I believe that in Canada, Australia, India and South Africa, the word is spelled with an “e”, following the Latin etymology: “arte” being the ablative singular (“with/by design”) of “ars”. BTW, is England in Europe?

  5. Michael McCants

    I watched “The Orville” Part 1 of 2 last night. The alien armada has now headed towards Earth. Tune in next Thursday to see what happens in Part 2! Nice synopsis on

  6. Sea level rise, global warming, desertification, arctic ice cap gone, nuclear annihilation, famine, plague. And worst of all alien invasion. None of that sounds like a good thing. Broadcast ICR programs. That’ll keep ’em away !!!!!!

  7. As long as the aliens don’t try to convert us to Jesus, I’m happy to have them come and visit.

  8. Robert van Bakel

    when we watch movies that look into the vast future, all of the advanced aliens appear to be positively communist.
    They share thoughts, private property doesn’t exist, money appears to be absent, and they are largely egalitarian. Sure this is Sci/Fi, but it is interesting that science fiction writers and creators, always seem to envisage a future of socialist equality, not capatalist competition; are we all day dreamers, or is that the true goal of humanity? To lose our animal competition, and embrace our human cooperation?
    Perhaps the far future is communist, Marx just had his timeline a little wrong.

  9. Animal competition vs. human cooperation
    It isn’t so clear. Animals and plants can cooperate.
    And evolution doesn’t have a direction.

  10. “evolution doesn’t have a direction.”

    Unlike the two crackpot “scientists”, whose direction appears to be well into the Twilight Zone or perhaps the Outer Limits. Surely Germany has TVs
    that can display better than programming from the late 50’s and early 60’s.*

    *The 1990’s Outer Limits was a reboot of the earlier 1960’s version.

  11. “Sociologist Warns: Beware of Capitalist Aliens”

    Which reminds me, a few years ago a local wackaloon was trying to warn us that we should not be sending signals into space because some aliens might become aware of us and come to Earth to eat everyone. Idiot thinks that “To Serve Man” is a real book and the TV program was a documentary.

  12. To Robert Von Bakel. You need to read more Heinlein. Good capitalist thinking there.