At the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else — we found this thrilling headline: Homeschoolers — Join Us for Our High School Labs. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
Homeschoolers (and all parents who want their teens to learn from a biblical worldview perspective): we have an exciting opportunity for you!
Ooooooooooooh! What’s the opportunity? Hambo says:
Many homeschoolers miss out on hands-on science lab experiences during their high school years. [And a lot more too!] At AiG, our labs are very helpful and can encourage young people who are science-inclined to pursue a science field during their post-secondary years.
We assume Hambo means creation science, of course. He tells us:
To give homeschoolers the option of a hands-on lab, we’re offering high-school labs [link omitted] through our upcoming educational science labs. These labs feature world-class instructors [Oh yeah!], hands-on experiments, and more.
They have “world-class instructors”! Hambo continues:
And, of course, everything is taught through the lens of a biblical worldview.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Let’s read on:
Our biology labs for the 2018–2019 school year were very popular, and for the 2019–2020 school year, we’re offering:
• Forensic Science
We know about bible-based biology, but what is bible-based chemistry — turning rivers into blood? Water into wine? And why isn’t Hambo offering bible-based astronomy? Anyway, here’s one last excerpt:
Our educational science lab is currently under construction near the Creation Museum. [How convenient!] We’re excited for the first group of students to arrive for their labs in September. [We’re excited too!] They’re sure to enjoy learning and doing science in this new facility.
Okay, dear reader, we’ve done all we can. Now that you know about this glorious opportunity, the rest is up to you.
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