This comes from the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. Their headline is National Alien Abduction Day, and it has no author’s by-line. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
March 20 is Alien Abduction Day [What?], so beware of green lights (except at intersections), UFOs (drones don’t count), and ETs (unless they just want to borrow your phone to call home). You might want to avoid Roswell, New Mexico, too. It’s better safe than sorry, after all, considering all the other alien abductions in history.
Cute beginning. There’s no creationism yet, but be patient — it’ll show up. Wikipedia has nothing on this “holiday,” but we found a light-hearted article at Fox News: Alien Abduction Day Arrives, But Will Little Green Men? Okay, back to Hambo’s website. They say:
It’s no newsflash that culture loves good alien stories, as they’re often entertaining movies and frequent blockbuster hits like Marvin Martian, Aliens, Star Wars, Avatar, and other sci-fi and superhero stories abound with alien characters, plots, and themes. But while many of these stories seem like harmless entertainment, there’s an evolutionary deception behind the very idea of extraterrestrial life. [Gasp!]
We didn’t have to wait long for the creationism. Then they tell us:
People who reject God believe — or desperately hope — that there is life outside of earth. [BWAHAHAHAHAHA!] If there isn’t, then human life is special. If human life is special, then naturalistic evolution is false [Groan!], for molecules-to-man evolution predicates that all life is random. Even those who would hold to God-directed evolution believe that we evolved from random processes and that we should probably find life evolving from random processes elsewhere.
Are you following this? Hambo’s creation scientists tell us that aliens are essential to evolution, and without aliens, Darwinists are just a bunch of fools! So that’s the deal — it’s one or the other.
ICR AIG continues:
Yet, no one is really in any danger of an alien abduction [Why not?] A biblical worldview reveals no room for extraterrestrial life. [Oh?] The Bible tells us that his creation is for human inhabitants [scripture references] and that Jesus came to earth to die for the sins of the world [scripture references]. If there were creatures outside earth who needed the gospel, Jesus would have made us aware of such in the Great Commission [scripture reference].
That was an ark-load of evidence. By now it should be absolutely clear that there are no aliens. For those who may still have doubts they say:
But what if other planets support life and those inhabitants sin? Couldn’t Jesus just go die for them too? He could, but that’s not what the Bible says he did. The Bible says that Jesus came once to die [scripture reference] and that after his resurrection he ascended to heaven to sit on the right-hand side of his Father [scripture reference].
Okay, that settles it! Now we come to the end:
The Bible also tells us that while the earth was made to be inhabited [scripture reference], other celestial bodies were made for signs, seasons, days, and years (Genesis 1:14), not for other forms of life. For more arguments against the existence of aliens, check out what AiG astronomy researcher Dr. Danny Faulkner has to say: [links omitted].
That was the clearest prediction we’ve seen yet about finding aliens out there. The bible says there aren’t any, and that settles it. If you disagree, then you’re doomed to spend eternity in the Lake of Fire.
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