We’re not told who wrote this thing, but it’s at the website of Ark Encounter — the creationist tourist attraction built by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.
Their article is titled Noah’s Ark vs. the Ark Encounter: What’s the Difference? Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
At the Ark Encounter, one of the main reasons we built our life-size Noah’s Ark was to answer common questions related to the global flood. As you enter Noah’s world aboard the massive Ark, you’ll tour three decks filled with scores of exceptional exhibit bays. These stunning exhibits allow you to experience what Noah’s life may have been like. Near our half-ark model on the Deck One, you’ll find new signs showing the difference between Noah’s Ark and our Ark. So, what might the differences be?
We assume Noah’s ark didn’t have those exhibits, but otherwise — from what we’ve been reading at ol’ Hambo’s website — we just assumed that Hambo’s ark is identical to Noah’s — but without a few tons of animal waste cluttering up the place. We’re shocked — shocked! — to learn that there might be other differences. The article says:
Noah’s Ark was designed to protect humans and animals during the global flood [So we’ve been told], while the Ark at our theme park is a building that looks like a ship and is optimized for guests’ safety and educational experience.
Hambo’s ark also has a ticket office in front so the visitors can be separated from their money. Noah probably didn’t have one of those. Anyway, the article tells us:
Inside Noah’s Ark, there was a living and working space for eight people and thousands of animals in addition to the enclosures and systems [Systems?] to care for the animals. Our life-size Noah’s Ark holds just a fraction of the enclosures that the real ark had in order to provide adequate space for our guests.
They don’t mention that the biblical ark had only one window — which likely made the atmosphere inside somewhat ghastly. The article continues:
Noah’s Ark might have contained practical, short ramps near the bow and stern with steep inclines between the floors, while the Ark Encounter includes long ramps to accommodate guests and provide spectacular views of the inside of the structure.
Noah’s ark has short steep ramps? How did they lift the daily output of dinosaur waste up to the deck for removal? Let’s read on:
Noah’s family might have had a few lighted areas and used portable lights to guide their way through the ark [carrying torches through an atmosphere thick with methane], while at the Ark Encounter, we have many light sconces throughout for high visibility.
We’ll skip a couple of paragraphs about how long it supposedly took Noah to build his ark. If anyone cares they say it was 75 years. The rest of the article is promotional stuff to encourage you to visit. So what have we learned? Anything? Come on, dear reader. Let us know.
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