Flat Earth — The Truth At Last!

We’ve been searching for a long time, and at last we found a newspaper with the courage to reveal The Truth. Imagine our joy when we saw this headline in the Daily Mirror, a national tabloid published in London: Man with a science degree really, truly believes the earth is flat. They have a comments feature. Here are some excerpts from the news, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

A conspiracy theorist from east London has outlined his far-fetched view that the earth is actually flat. India-born Safvan, 23, is a bilingual science graduate who holds some rather outlandish views about our planet. He is part of growing online community that rejects conventional wisdom that the earth is round – much to the bemusement of everyone else.

The tabloid tosses in expressions like “far fetched,” and “outlandish,” but their globist overlords probably require it. We’ll focus only on the facts. They say:

The masters student says he first realised that the world was flat when he was 18 and studying the properties of water. “Water couldn’t curl into a ball like that,” he told MyLondon [link omitted]. “Even with gravity it’s impossible. “I have done my research for a very long time,” he said.

Wowie — what makes water curl up and form little beads? Hint: it’s not gravity! After that the tabloid tells us:

Safvan explains that if the size of the earth is what scientists say it is, then there must be a certain amount of curvature in the globe per mile. [That’s true.] With that amount of curvature, it should be impossible to see the Chicago skyline from the opposite side of Lake Michigan. [Gasp!] “That’s a really famous example in the flat earth conspiracy,” Safvan explained.

Here’s a news story about The Lake Michigan Mirage. Make of it what you will. The tabloid continues:

Safvan believes that Antarctica is not at the bottom of the world and is actually the whole way round. That means at the edges of the world, the seawater is held in by a giant wall of ice. “Why do you think only researchers are allowed to go there?”

Good question! Let’s read on:

According to him, the Illuminati – a mythical secret society of global financiers and politicians – is responsible for keeping people in the dark. [As we always suspected!] “John F Kennedy – he used to talk about the Illuminati. And Michael Jackson. In JFK’s last speech he spoke about the ‘people who control the world’.” He believes NASA is an multi-billion dollar hoax designed to convince people that the earth is spherical, and in addition, he also thinks that the moon landings were faked.

Yes, NASA is a fraud! Another excerpt:

He said: “They can send Neil Armstrong in space in 1969. Why don’t they send people to the moon in 2019? Why don’t they send astronauts towards the moon right now? The photos from space are CGI.” [Presumably that’s computer-generated imagery.] Safvan claims that the video of the moon landing was removed from NASA’s website when people started to catch on.

Ah, that explains it! Here’s more

A common aspect of flat earthism is that subscribers are often religious and Safvan is no different. He believes God created humans and the theory of evolution was invented to encourage atheism. “We were not monkeys,” he said, “If we were not made by God, then why are we the only animals on earth who can reason?”

The article goes on a bit longer, but we’ve shown you enough. If you’re not motivated to explore the topic further, then there’s no hope for you. You’re free to continue living in your globist-evolutionist fantasy world, but the consequences will be eternal. It’s your decision, dear reader.

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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12 responses to “Flat Earth — The Truth At Last!

  1. A common aspect of flat earthism is that subscribers are often religious and Safvan is no different. He believes God created humans and the theory of evolution was invented to encourage atheism. “We were not monkeys,” he said, “If we were not made by God, then why are we the only animals on earth who can reason?”

    (1) We’re not. Other animals can do it too; we’re just the best at it.
    (2) And even if we were the only creatures capable of reason, how would that prove divine creation?

  2. “We were not monkeys,”
    Depending on our perspective this is correct in two ways.
    1. We were not monkeys, we always have been monkeys and always will (cladistics).
    2. We were not monkeys, our ancestors were (good old Linnaean classification).

  3. Michael Fugate

    First he admits humans are animals. Second he claims he can reason.

  4. “Water couldn’t curl into a ball like that,” he told MyLondon [link omitted].

    Perhaps he has never encountered raindrops.

  5. I regret I’m late to the party, but what I was going to post has already been well expounded by Eric, Frank, Michael and Neil. Now I’ll go have some good Scotch.

  6. Ice wall holding all the water? (from what I’m not sure).

    Yikes what about global warming?

  7. “If we were not made by God, then why are we the only animals on earth who can reason?”

    “Reason”: He uses that word without even understanding what it means.

    Also note that his alleged Masters of Science degree is never actually specified, and he also happens to be a “paranormal researcher”. An obviously very serous scientifical type person (to quote a newspaper creationist from years ago).

  8. Richard: “Yikes what about global warming?”

    Treasure hunters will have a field day since all of the world’s oceans will drain over the edge and then they will be able to walk* on the previous ocean floors to pick up all of that sunk galleon gold.

    *Walking through sediment hundreds of feet deep is quite a trick. No doubt paranormal forces would be required.

  9. When that ice wall comes down, there’s going to be a galactic flood of such proportions as to make the biblical one look like someone merely ran the sink, forgot to turn the water off, and flooded the kitchen. Kid stuff.

    If there are any aliens out there in the milky way, they better start stockpiling umbrellas and galoshes, tout de suite.

  10. @ChrisS
    According to many FlatEarthers, those stars are just small lights, the Sun and the Moon are fairly small disks. Remember that astronomers are in on the conspiracy.

  11. Flat earthers are more boring than creationists. They keep repeating the same handful of bizarre arguments that come from two or three Youtube videos. What the hell does Safvan know about Lake Michigan? How can he be a science graduate and not understand that they didn’t have CGI in the 60s, or 70s, or 80s, which is when so many of those photos and videos were taken?

  12. If the Daily Mirror is anything like its American counterparts, I seriously doubt that Safvan actually exists. Sounds suspiciously like a made-up story to sell papers. Ignorant people lap up stories like this because it makes them feel good to think there are people dumber than themselves.