Humans from Noah’s Ark to South America?

How did North and South America become filled with plants and animals — including humans — after Noah’s Flood? Think about it. When the Flood ended, the only land-dwelling creatures alive were those Noah took with him on the ark, and according to Hambo, that was only 4,350 years ago. So how did the Western Hemisphere become so filled with life?

You’re about to learn the answer from the wisest man in the world — Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. He just posted this at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry: A Footprint in Chile — Earliest Evidence of Humans in the Americas? Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Researchers in the South American nation of Chile have announced the discovery of a human footprint they’ve dated at 15,600 years. This makes it the oldest evidence of humans in the Americas by over 3,000 years, according to the evolutionary timeline. How should Christians understand finds such as these?

Hambo’s paragraph links to this from Reuters: Oldest human footprint found in the Americas confirmed in Chile: researcher. We also found this at PhysOrg: Footprint found in Chile is ‘oldest’ in Americas: scientists. But Hambo knows far more than those secularist Darwinist fools! He says:

Well, first we compare what the study says against the absolute authority of the Word of God. [Yes!] Starting with God’s Word (using the six days of creation and the genealogies), we know the earth is only around 6,000 years old, and the world was destroyed at the time of the global flood 4,350 years ago. So this footprint isn’t 15,600 years old. [Hooray for Hambo!] It’s at most just a few thousand years old.

And that’s The Truth. Then Hambo tells us:

After the global flood, we come to the event at the tower of Babel, when God confused the language of the people at the time and dispersed them over the earth. From Babel, people moved to all parts of the globe, including North and South America. [Gasp!] This footprint is evidence of the people who left Babel and eventually settled in South America.

We must digress for a moment. Six years ago in Answers in Genesis — The Ice Age we calculated the population of the world for eight generations after Noah, when Hambo says Abraham was alive. Assuming a furious rate of reproduction, there were then only 6,561 human families in the whole world. Hambo continues:

How did they get to America? [Good question!] Well, there are two ways, and different populations may have reached the Americas by either route. First, Noah and his sons built a massive ark — clearly, they could build ships and perhaps passed this knowledge along. One population may have sailed there.

That makes sense. What’s the second way? Hambo explains:

Second, the post-flood ice age would’ve lowered sea levels, exposing land bridges such as the one in the Bering Strait now covered in water. This would connect Asia to the Americas via what’s now Russia and Alaska. They may have crossed there, and they and their descendants may have continued through what is now Canada, the United States, Mexico, into Central and South America, all the way to Chile.

Yes, of course! That also explains how the three-toed sloth got to South America. It all makes sense! Hambo finishes with some great advice:

As with any news items, always look for the facts (in this case, a single footprint) and the assumptions. Check everything against the Word of God and apply biblical history to what you are reading. And always remember the battle isn’t over the facts — it’s over an interpretation of the facts because of two very different starting points (man’s word vs. God’s Word).

There you are, dear reader. More wisdom from ol’ Hambo — the greatest intellect in the world.

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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26 responses to “Humans from Noah’s Ark to South America?

  1. Re “How did they get to America? [Good question!] Well, there are two ways, and different populations may have reached the Americas by either route. First, Noah and his sons built a massive ark — clearly, they could build ships and perhaps passed this knowledge along. One population may have sailed there.” Clearly they are making this [*bleep*] up. If all of the world’s trees had been submerged in brackish water (completely) for over a year, all of the trees would be dead and waterlogged to boot.

    This leaves Noah and his family with only one source of readily worked building materials, the ark. Why would they keep it around anyway, it was on the top of a mountain and the waters had receded far away. So they dismantled it to build huts, pens, etc. (So stop looking for the remains of it, idiots!) And, while they might have brought seeds or seedlings for trees that would be suitable to grow and create a new source of timber, they could hardly cut down the first planting to make a boat, so they would have to wait several generations to make more and more trees to have enough to harvest the lumber to make a boat to sail to South American. And by that time. all of Noah’s family would be dead (Noah, too). So, why would Noah train his descendants in “massive ship building” when there were to materials for them to train on or a reason for them to learn. (And why didn’t the Bible mention this?) And so the idea that Noah could make a boat to sail to South America is laughable. The ark he built was barely able to survive for a short trip to a nearby mountaintop. Having to go 10-15 thousand miles is a whole ‘nother matter.

  2. And always remember the battle isn’t over the facts
    Ain’t that the truth when you consider Hambo and his ilk are as close to fact free as one can be.

  3. Charles Deetz ;)

    Bible citations missing for land bridge, lower seas, ice age, boat building.

  4. Darn! (I leave it to the reader to guess what I would have written if not for the rules of this site). When I studied muscle structure and function with an electron microscope, it would have been so much easier if one of those goat herders had told tales about it around the camp fire and written it down so I could just look it up.

  5. @Charles Deetz 😉
    Yes
    How does he know, was he there?

  6. “…it’s over an interpretation of the facts because of two very different starting points (man’s word vs. God’s Word)….” Sorry but until your idiot gawd comes down here and talks, I’ll take man’s word as he exists!

  7. Michael Fugate

    I like how humans were able to go back in time, back before the creation itself, to arrive in South America 10,000 years before humans were created. Aren’t you lamenting the technology we obviously lost in the intervening centuries?

  8. Eddie Janssen

    Genesis 10 gives some strange information.
    Nimrod was the grandson of Cham, the son of Noah. The beginning of the territory of Nimrod was…Babel (Genesis 10:10)! So a mere three generations after the Flood and there were enough people to build a big city and to distribute several languages among them.
    It is a weird chapter with lots of names (not a single woman!) and lots of strange little empires, kingdoms and cities.
    And of course lots of begattings.

  9. The story of Babel is told in Genesis chapter 11. In Genesis chaper 10, we find:
    v. 5 “By these were the Isles of the Gentiles divided in their lands, euery one after his tongue: after their families, in their nations.”
    v. 20 “These are the sons of Ham, after their families, after their tongues, in their countries, and in their nations.”
    v. 31 “These are the sons of Shem, after their families, after their tongues, in their lands after their nations.”
    v. 32 “These are the families of the sos of Noah after their generations, in their nations: and by these were the nations divided in the earth after the Flood.”

  10. “From Babel, people moved to all parts of the globe, including North and South America.”
    Of course! And Jesus forgot to mention it, because he never visited the city! It all makes sense now! Ol’Hambo is a genius!

    That link (called Answers in Genesis – The Ice Age) demonstrates that our dear SC doesn’t grasp YEC-mathematics. Ol’Hambo’s god loved Noah and his family, so the women were super-fertile and gave birth once a year. That the Bible only mentions three sons doesn’t mean he hadn’t more children (Sola Scriptura is not a YEC-principle, remember?). We can safely assume 10 children a pair each on average. So the 8th generation had 10^8 = 100 000 000 people, enough to populate the entire globe.

    “there are two ways”
    Unfortunately Ol’Hambo forgets a third option: airplanes build according to the instructions Ol’Hambo’s god, ten times as big as the biggest planes of today and powered by means of biotechnology, using the feces stored since the Ark stranded (an Arkload of [*bleep*], so to say). Remember: back then technology was vastly superior, because divinely inspired.

    “As with any news items …..”
    Ah, Ol’Hambo’s modesty is heartwarming. He omits the best advice: wait for Ol’Hambo’s brilliant explanations! Nobody can interpret the facts like he does!

  11. Michael Fugate

    Maybe Noah and his family and all the animals were converted to single cells – easier to house on the ark – and multiplied by cell division quickly after the flood was over (no 15-20 year generation time – but 15-20 days or hours), then God poofed them into regular humans when reaching sufficient numbers.

  12. @TomS is an incurable sceptic: “How does he know, was he there?”
    Ol’Hambo doesn’t need to. As our dear SC never fails to point out he’s “the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.” So there can be no doubt that Ol’Hambo knows by revelation and hence gets his info from the most reliable source imaginable: his god.

    @MichaelF suffers from melancholy: “Aren’t you lamenting the technology we obviously lost in the intervening centuries?”
    Yes, if we knew now what the Chosen People knew then we would understand dating methods so much better and understand why 15,600 years is wrong (besides contradicting Ol’Hambo’s particular interpretation of his favourite Holy Book, of course).

  13. As our SC pointed out, that’s the way the three-toed sloth must have gotten to South America – and the thousands of other animals in the Southern hemisphere.
    As Steve Ruis pointed out, there were no plants around, let alone trees, after being submerged in brackish waters for a whole year.

    Creationism, especially the YE subspecies, is becoming more ridiculous with every new discovery, which are made public on a daily basis.
    Creationists need to isolate and stonewall themselves more and more against the evil secular world. The general dumbing down in today’s world works in their favour.

  14. YEC is not the only stonewall against the evil conspiracies of the world.

  15. From a population calculation website-
    “If, as you have suggested, human beings have been on earth for 160 years and produced another generation each 20 years, that would mean that 8 generations have passed since humans first “arrived” on earth. If we started with 6 people, and each couple in each generation had produced 10 children, with 100 percent of those living long enough to in turn reproduce, the population of the earth for the current generation would be 2,343,750 people.”

  16. Ham:
    “And always remember the battle isn’t over the facts — it’s over an interpretation of the facts because of two very different starting points (man’s word vs. God’s Word).

    And right there is where Ham is being deliberately deceptive — pitting “man’s word” vs. God’s Word. What he’s calling “man’s word” isn’t man’s word at all — it’s actually man’s observation of reality, or what a religionist would call “God’s creation.”

    Ham is making a big assumption that the Bible is actually the “inspired word of God”. But after all, we do know that the actual words in the Bible were transcribed by humans, and could be prone to human error.

    On the other hand, there is no doubt in a religionist’s mind that the reality of the universe is truly God’s creation. So why does Ham not believe what we can so clearly see in the reality of the world around us? There should be no doubt in his mind that the entire universe is the work of the hand of God, while the Bible was written by the hand of man.

    Science is not the “word of man”. Science is the entire body of knowledge that mankind has gained by a close study of God’s creation, if you will, and the application of logic and reason to that knowledge.

    So, Ken Ham, if you seek The Truth, study the Truth that God has written in the Earth and in the sky. In your mind, you must know it is truly the “Word of God.” And, my dear sir, that reality of the universe is far, far older than 6,000 years.

  17. @Rsg criticizes the genius of Ol’Hambo: “What he’s calling “man’s word” isn’t man’s word at all”.
    What he’s calling “God’s word” actually is “God’s word as interpreted by Ol’Hambo”.

  18. FrankB:
    “What he’s calling “God’s word” actually is “God’s word as interpreted by Ol’Hambo”.

    True that. Or, possibly more accurately, “as made up by Ol’ Hambo.” As cited above, “Post-Flood Ice Age”? Noah or his sons building another ark? And with what wood? Oh wait — maybe they used fast-growing papyrus reeds, and called their new ark the Ra.

  19. “Bible citations missing for land bridge, lower seas, ice age, boat building.”

    Along with an oblate spheroid Earth and all of those other CONTINENTS. What did the animals that departed from Noah’s big box eat since all land based plant life on Earth would be dead after being submerged really deep in water for a year?* Even ocean based seaweed can’t survive in freshwater and freshwater based seaweed cannot survive in seawater. Likewise for seawater and freshwater based fish and other non-air breathing animals. Why didn’t Noah save any sea life or plants aboard his big box? The HAMster is quite skilled at playing every bit as ignorant as the biblical fable tellers.

    *The peak of Mount Everest is just over 29,000 feet high above sea level.

  20. The interesting observation is not about the personality of those attacking evolution, but the lack of any alternative to evolution. The more educated, informed and intelligent, the more striking the lack of any product.

  21. Now don’t be absurd about Noah’s offspring having to build boats from papyrus. By that time, they obviously had stainless steel. The bible doesn’t deny it, so there’s nothing in the way for this being true.

  22. Michael Fugate

    One does wonder why everyone isn’t Jewish…

  23. Of course everybody is. We all descend from Noah, remember?

  24. Hammy says “We don’t need no stinking Carbo 14 dating” Physics is baloney. Phooey.”

  25. North and South America began separating during the Jurassic as rifting broke Gondwanaland up. The MAJOR (as in multi billion barrel) oil fields that have been discovered in offshore Brazil (now also in Guyana) and the numerous deep water West Africa oil fields of Ghana and Senegal and elsewhere experienced the conditions to create major oil fields during the Jurassic and Cretaceous as restricted basins formed where the continents were rifting apart. So, Hammy, you’re denying the science that was used to identify and drill and discover hundreds of billions of dollars worth of oil and gas; How stupid is that? EXTREMELY. I certainly hope Hammy is riding his donkey back to the house every day after preaching his trash to the gullible at his fake ark park. And again. What kind of childhood did this man experience that he is so mentally ill and dishonest ??? Must have been a sick.