Hambo Announces a Festival of Drool

Imaginary pic of a zombie army on the march

An army of the undead is a good illustration for the newest post from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

This just appeared at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), Hambo’s creationist ministry: Free Creation College Expo at the Ark Encounter November 1–2. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Calling all students in grades 7–12! You’re invited to the Ark Encounter south of Cincinnati for our free 2019 Creation College Expo, November 1–2. … If you’d like to learn more about colleges that teach from a distinctly Christian, creationist, and biblical worldview — including taking a stand on a literal Genesis, a young earth, and a global flood — we want you to come to this expo.

Now you understand why we tried (alas, without success) to find a pic of the walking dead to adorn our post. Hambo says:

Creation colleges from across the nation will be represented in Answers Center, and you can talk to the reps one-on-one. [Ooooooooooooh!] It’s a great way to learn more about these schools and what programs they offer.

We tried to imagine what such an event would be like, but our imagination failed us. Anyway, Hambo then makes a great announcement:

You will also enjoy complimentary admission to the Ark Encounter (a $25 value!) [Wowie!], the opportunity to win a $500 scholarship to the school of your choice, and a free College Expo T-shirt. You’ll also enjoy a 20% discount on admission to the Creation Museum for yourself and immediate family members. [Fantastic!] These family members will also enjoy a 20% discount on Ark Encounter admission November 1–2.

The mind boggles! Hambo continues:

Sadly, the majority of Christian colleges (seminaries, Bible schools, etc.) compromise God’s Word in Genesis, and this has undermined the faith of so many young adults. [That’s terrible!] We urge parents to consider the most important part of education for their child: their spiritual education that affects their eternity.

Here’s the last of it:

We encourage church youth groups, Christian schools, and homeschools to bring groups of young people down for this informative event. While this event is free, we ask you to register so we can prepare for your arrival. Learn more and register today on the events page of our website. [Link omitted.]

Okay, dear reader. Hambo’s expo will be the first two days in November. Mark your calendar and make your plans. And tell ’em the Curmudgeon sent ya.

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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19 responses to “Hambo Announces a Festival of Drool

  1. The Fundagelicals are obviously frightened by the rate that young people are fleeing christianity. The elderly are dying off and there are no replacements in view. Pastors clearly see themselves without enough followers to pay their costs. That prospect really cheers me!

  2. Help is at hand! If you are worried about what your children may hear at University, there is an entire accrediting agency that certifies colleges that teach according to a biblical worldview; Details at Credit Where None is Due; Creationist Colleges and Courses.

  3. Can we organize a protest? Think Hambo would kick us off his holy ground?

  4. @ Cynic – Ham is certainly contributing to the exodus of Christians. He does a better job than Dawkins et al.
    When it comes to “compromise God’s Word in Genesis”, somebody should enlighten Ham that the Bible teaches a Flat Earth. Look who is compromising.

  5. On a rainy Sunday, I had some time to kill so I looked up a few of the Christian colleges listed in TRACS, put their addresses in Google Earth to see what some of these institutions of “higher learning” looked like. The ones I looked at ranged from a decent size small college to a repurposed church building and school to a suite in an office building. Just surprised that these small ones could be accredited.

  6. Never mind a flat earth; the Bible (Deut:21:18ff) commands death by stoning for unruly teenagers

  7. “When it comes to “compromise God’s Word in Genesis”, somebody should enlighten Ham that the Bible teaches a Flat Earth.”

    As well as a geocentric universe, that stars will eventually fall onto the ground, disease is caused by demons, plants can survive a yearlong worldwide flood, disobedient children should be stoned to death, anyone picking up stick on the Sabbath should be stoned to death, making striped and spotted sticks and placing them in livestock breeding grounds will cause stripped and spotted animals to be born, some donkeys can talk, etc… An explanatory list of biblical absurdities would easily fill a large book.

  8. @Paul – your link points to a solid piece of research. What year is it (it only says Dec 4)?

  9. @Cynic
    Decreasing membership is precisely the reason certain religions require that newborns of current members automatically become adherents of that religion and must be instructed only in that religion’s ideology, e.g. Catholicism, Judaism and Islam and also fundies.

  10. Dave Luckett

    Paul Braterman: Me, I wonder where they get the notion that “Most dating techniques indicate that the earth is young, not millions of years old”, to quote your description of their belief.

    I know of no dating technique that indicates any such thing. Even tree rings and lake varves provide evidence for tens to hundreds of times the Bible’s timescale, if the stories are read literally. Which, of course, there is no scriptural authority for doing. Ice cores can go back millions of years; paleomagnetism and tephrochronology can give dates hundreds of millions of years back; stratigraphic dating from known sedimentation rates the same – and that’s before we get to radioactive isotope dating using very long half-lives.

    You’ve read considerably more of their output than I have, obviously. I regret that there’s a close limit to my tolerance for blatant tosh. (No, come to think of it, I don’t regret that at all.) But what “dating techniques” are they thinking of? Reading the Bible?

  11. @Hans: according to the comments PaulB’s article is from 2013.
    @DavidK: “e.g. ….. Judaism, Islam ”
    Neither judaism nor islam is decreasing, so your examples are nonsense.

  12. Lovely, PaulB – an excellent passtime while waiting for new stuff presented by our dear SC.

    “Is the Bible wrong about the age of the Earth?”
    Classical false dilemma – it doesn’t even occur to jolly Jeff with his impressive PhD that there might be a third option: his understanding of his favourite Holy Book sucks badly.

    “conventional belief”
    Oooooh! Jolly Jeff feels rebellious!
    Unsurprisingly evidence nr.1 is “The Bible says …..”.
    The other 20 reasons are anyone’s game – lots of clunkers are all too familiar. But I wonder (nr. 3) who geomicrobiologist John Parks is from the University of Bristol. Is he a YECer too? That would be thrilling. However I bet that Jolly Jeff is lying about JP. I mean, Jolly Jeff lies about paleodemographics in nr. 4 too. And the next point. And the next one. Etc.
    Jolly Jeff works at a university in one of our dear SC’s favourite states: Tennessee. It’s an oldie, but has less students than many Dutch high schools. What’s particularly thrilling is that they offer courses in Madrid and Verviers, Belgium (ao)! How comes that my beloved YECers from Logos.nl don’t promote them?

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freed-Hardeman_University

    Unfortunately they apparently are only for American students of FHU, so I can’t apply. It’s a beautiful town.

    I think it remained outside of the Battle of the Bulge, though Malmedy is just 30 km away.

  13. Dave Luckett

    Paul Braterman: These are, of course, not dating techniques. They are fundamentally mistaken and misapplied attempts at argument, some of them against recognised dating techniques. But they often don’t rise even to that height. After all, they kick off with “Bible teaching”, which is not a technique nor even an argument, merely an assertion.

    It’s all of a piece. Creationism is not a positive position on anything, really. It consists entirely of denial, refusal, and dismissal of evidence, founded on ignorance and an utter misconstrual of what scientists do, or know – usually a malicious one. Can they seriously imagine that geologists think that the annular riverine sediments that fossilised trees are sometimes found growing through are indistinguishable from the slow accumulation of marine sediments? I suspect not; rather, that the thought has simply never occurred to them.

  14. @FrankB, yes, all our favourite clunkers, including polystrate fossils. The irony here is that Darwin used polystrate fossils as an argument for deep time in Origin: “In other cases we have the plainest evidence in grey fossilised trees, still standing upright as a group, of many long intervals of time and changes of level during the process of deposition, which would never even have been suspected, had not the trees chanced to be preserved: thus, Messrs Lyell and Dawson found Carboniferous beds 1400 feet take in Nova Scotia, with ancient route-bearing strata, one above the other, at no less than sixty-eight different levels.”

  15. Oh man, I need an FFR! Dutch YECer takes up the challenge of no one else than Theodosius Dobzhansky of “nothing in biology makes sense ….” fame. Here is a spoiler:

    TD: “All this is understandable in the light of evolution theory; but what a senseless operation it would have been, on God’s part, to fabricate a multitude of species ex nihilo and then let most of them die out!”
    Eppie smashes this to pieces:

    “Dobzhansky’s argument gaat hier mank. Hij bestrijdt zichzelf. Hij is degene die leert dat God continu leven kapot laat gaan op het moment dat Hij het genereert. Een bijbelgetrouw christen leert dat God het leven niet bedoelde om dood te laten gaan.”
    “D’s argument goes wrong here. He contradicts himself. He’s the one who teaches that God continuously lets life get broken the moment He generates it. A christian faithful to the Bible teaches that God didn’t intend life to let die.”
    BWAHAHAHAHA!
    Without dying (physically – that’s what TD is and Eppie should be talking about) not even Jesus could go to Heaven. And of course Eppie’s god had no problem to let almost all life die during the Global Flood. According to Eppie his god didn’t mean to, though!
    And that’s just one brilliant quote. Oh man, do I need an FFR FFZ!

  16. Oops – I got so excited that I could see the difference between R and a Z. It’s an FFZ that I need.

  17. could not.
    Bah.

  18. “The Walking Dead” 1st Battalion 9th Marines . The name was provided by Ho Chi Minh, who vowed to destroy the 9th Marines in 1967 and called them
    walking dead. Casualty rates in 1/9 in 1967 and 1968 were basically 100%. Marines in 1/9 would be either wounded or killed during their tour. Proudly carried as the battalions name today. Thanks Uncle Ho. And uh, no, 1st Battalion 9th Marines is still here. And they kicked some serious NVA butt.
    So now Hammy. I predict your class size will not be encouraging. Just sayin.