We had overlooked this, but one of our clandestine operatives, code named “Palm Tree,” insisted that we take another look. It’s from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.
The title is Enrollment is Open for AiG’s Twelve Stones Christian Academy, posted at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), Hambo’s creationist ministry. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:
Are you looking for a truly biblical worldview Christian education for your child? [Who isn’t?] While there are many Christian schools, sadly there aren’t many that teach a genuinly [sic] biblical worldview (but we’re so thankful for those that do!). Instead, many schools just use secular curricula and “add God” somewhere on top.
We’re all aware of the problem. What’s the solution? Ol’ Hambo says:
Well, that’s not the philosophy of Twelve Stones Christian Academy [Link omitted.], a Christian school south of Cincinnati under the umbrella of Answers in Genesis. [It’s under Hambo’s umbrella!] This school thoughtfully integrates a biblical worldview into everything [Wowie!], including the curriculum selection, to create a truly biblical worldview educational experience.
Sounds great, doesn’t it? Hambo tells us:
Twelve Stones uses God’s Word as the foundation in all areas [All areas!] and teaches the children to think foundationally. It also incorporates apologetics throughout all grade levels, so children not only know what they believe but why they believe what they believe.
That’s great. When a kid graduates from Hambo’s school, he’s gonna be awesome! Hambo continues:
One of the things that makes Twelve Stones utterly unique is its unprecedented access to AiG resources [Ooooooooooooh!], including the Ark Encounter, the Creation Museum, our workshops, speakers, and special events. 12 Stones is only about 15 minutes from the museum and 30 minutes from the Ark. This unique school is loved by current students.
What a perfect location! And there’s even another benefit. Let’s read on:
Each family with a child enrolled at Twelve Stones receives a complimentary annual family pass to the Creation Museum and Ark Encounter so they can enjoy unlimited visits to both attractions while they have a child enrolled.
Ooooooooooooh! Unlimited visits for the whole family! It sounds like heaven! Another excerpt:
Enrollment to Twelve Stones is open for the 2019–2020 school year for kindergarten through grade 9. Eventually, Twelve Stones will have a full high school, but they will be proceeding by adding one grade each year, beginning this year with a new grade: 9th grade. If you would like to learn more about the school, you can request a private tour to see everything it offers and chat with faculty.
And check out the jobs currently available on the Twelve Stones website.
There’s not much available, but go ahead and take a look — it could be the start of a whole new career for you! And now we come to the end:
I recently visited the Twelve Stones campus and met with Renee Hodge [Hambo’s daughter], the school administrator, to do a Facebook Live. I gave my Facebook followers a tour of the school’s facilities, including its full gym and some of the classrooms. In this video [link omitted], Renee really explains the heart behind Twelve Stones and why it’s such a unique school. I encourage you to watch and share this video with those you know who are looking for a quality, biblical worldview education for their children.
You gotta admit, dear reader, this is really big news. Hambo is now in the education business, and when you think of a generation raised the Hambo way, well … it really makes the drool flow.
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