Hambo Is Now in the School Business

We had overlooked this, but one of our clandestine operatives, code named “Palm Tree,” insisted that we take another look. It’s from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

The title is Enrollment is Open for AiG’s Twelve Stones Christian Academy, posted at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), Hambo’s creationist ministry. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

Are you looking for a truly biblical worldview Christian education for your child? [Who isn’t?] While there are many Christian schools, sadly there aren’t many that teach a genuinly [sic] biblical worldview (but we’re so thankful for those that do!). Instead, many schools just use secular curricula and “add God” somewhere on top.

We’re all aware of the problem. What’s the solution? Ol’ Hambo says:

Well, that’s not the philosophy of Twelve Stones Christian Academy [Link omitted.], a Christian school south of Cincinnati under the umbrella of Answers in Genesis. [It’s under Hambo’s umbrella!] This school thoughtfully integrates a biblical worldview into everything [Wowie!], including the curriculum selection, to create a truly biblical worldview educational experience.

Sounds great, doesn’t it? Hambo tells us:

Twelve Stones uses God’s Word as the foundation in all areas [All areas!] and teaches the children to think foundationally. It also incorporates apologetics throughout all grade levels, so children not only know what they believe but why they believe what they believe.

That’s great. When a kid graduates from Hambo’s school, he’s gonna be awesome! Hambo continues:

One of the things that makes Twelve Stones utterly unique is its unprecedented access to AiG resources [Ooooooooooooh!], including the Ark Encounter, the Creation Museum, our workshops, speakers, and special events. 12 Stones is only about 15 minutes from the museum and 30 minutes from the Ark. This unique school is loved by current students.

What a perfect location! And there’s even another benefit. Let’s read on:

Each family with a child enrolled at Twelve Stones receives a complimentary annual family pass to the Creation Museum and Ark Encounter so they can enjoy unlimited visits to both attractions while they have a child enrolled.

Ooooooooooooh! Unlimited visits for the whole family! It sounds like heaven! Another excerpt:

Enrollment to Twelve Stones is open for the 2019–2020 school year for kindergarten through grade 9. Eventually, Twelve Stones will have a full high school, but they will be proceeding by adding one grade each year, beginning this year with a new grade: 9th grade. If you would like to learn more about the school, you can request a private tour to see everything it offers and chat with faculty.

Here’s more:

And check out the jobs currently available on the Twelve Stones website.

There’s not much available, but go ahead and take a look — it could be the start of a whole new career for you! And now we come to the end:

I recently visited the Twelve Stones campus and met with Renee Hodge [Hambo’s daughter], the school administrator, to do a Facebook Live. I gave my Facebook followers a tour of the school’s facilities, including its full gym and some of the classrooms. In this video [link omitted], Renee really explains the heart behind Twelve Stones and why it’s such a unique school. I encourage you to watch and share this video with those you know who are looking for a quality, biblical worldview education for their children.

You gotta admit, dear reader, this is really big news. Hambo is now in the education business, and when you think of a generation raised the Hambo way, well … it really makes the drool flow.

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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30 responses to “Hambo Is Now in the School Business

  1. Laurettte McGovern

    “Unlimited visits to the Creation Museum,” Isn’t that one of Dante’s circles of Hell?

    Just asking

  2. Michael Fugate

    While there are many Christian schools schools who claim to be Christian, sadly there aren’t many [if any] that teach a genuinly [sic] biblical Ham-centric worldview [until now!]…

    Does Christian mean anything when someone like Ham claims he is one? Why do other Christians let people like Ham define Christianity?

  3. For once I think Richard Dawkins’ is right: this religious indoctrination is mental child abuse and should be outlawed.

    “it could be the start of a whole new career for you!”
    Doubtful. I fail about all the requirements, beginning with Commitment to ….. Ol’Hambo asks a “Creation Belief Statement”. Dear SC, do you think he’ll accept “AIG’s creation belief is as thick as manure and less than half as useful”?

  4. Karl Goldsmith

    I said before they had a school, it is now two years old, they are on the board.

    They obviously decided selling to homeschoolers wasn’t enough.

    So who wants to pay for a child to get a non education.

    Half-day Kindergarten: $3700
    Full-day Kindergarten: $5995
    Grades 1–9: $5995

  5. Michael F – there is a growing movement among a subset of Christians who are distancing themselves from both Hamites and the right-wingnut evangelicals, and who no longer identify as “Christian.” Followers of Jesus is one alternative used.

  6. Is that allowed in America?? They would be shut down lunch time on their first day here in New Zealand.

  7. Is there any educational certification associated with this farce? Is the curriculum accepted by any higher institution other than yet another biblical school? Too, how long will it be before Ham applies for public funds for this fiasco of his?

  8. What’s a cult without new recruits to coerce and bully into submission?

    Ken always ends his posts on a note of gratitude: “Thanks for stopping by and thanks for praying.” I did stop by, and I prayed for an end to his insidious madness, but as usual, nothing but silence from the cosmic void.

  9. DavidK asks: “Is there any educational certification associated with this farce?”

    What certification? They’re teaching the Word of God!

  10. “I’m sorry Jimmy, you put Pi at 3, but Math tells us that Pi is 3.14159…..”

    “But, the Bible says it’s 3! And Mr. Ham said, “If it contradicts the Bible, it’s wrong!”

  11. Steve Gerrard

    I always thought the Curmudgeon was using a bit of poetic license when he spoke of the “Lake of Fire” in regards to creationist beliefs. But lo, in the statement of faith for the school:
    “All shall be raised from the dead, those who have died in Christ to eternal life, and those who have rejected Him to conscious and everlasting punishment in the Lake of Fire.”
    They really claim that!

  12. docbill1351

    These “Christian” schools are a total scam, but Old Hambo seems to be going on the cheap! Local private schools charge $12,000 per year. I suspect that Old Hambo is hoping for some kind of voucher law that lets families apply government funding for BS schools like this. Boo to the parents for condemning their spawn to a life of minimum wage or unemployment. No, these schools do not generally transition into state colleges, rather they dump out the kids into the pool of government assistance for the rest of their lives.

  13. @DavidK and SC
    Bob Jones University in my home town (sorry, can’t help where I was born) accepts students with religious based school credentials and BJU graduates are readily accepted into post graduate education including medical school, law school, and PhD programs across the country.
    I have not heard of or uncovered a Hamschoolite being admitted to BJU but can think of no reason they would be excluded. So available evidence suggests a Ham based education can lead to recognized credentials.

    PS. On an unrelated side note, in high school we used to go to the BJU library and light up cigarettes in contests to see who could get kicked the fastest. (Still makes me laugh and I hate/hated smokers)

  14. Dave Luckett

    I strongly suspect that a school like this would also not be granted a licence in this State of Australia, either, elementary and secondary education being formally a State matter here. Grades 7-9 science must contain a general introduction to the Theory of Evolution. That is, what it really says.

    We have some pretty far out there K-12 schools, mind you, Baptist, Fundawhackagelical, whatever, but they have to comply. No doubt they subvert where they can. But Ham’s Crammer sounds more like child abuse to me.

    Is there any means by which educational standards can be fairly compared between schools in the US?

  15. A school like Ol’Hambo’s is totally impossible in The Netherlands, because all schools (whether public, private and even homeschooling) have to prepare the kids for central exams. That means a curriculum determined by experts, ie no creacrappers.

  16. A better name for this Christian madrassah would be “Twelve Monkeys”.

  17. @FrankB I think even the Americans have some standardised tests for homeschoolers to pass. Perhaps someone else here can enlighten us?

  18. For those wh are curious about the meaning of the “Twelve Stones”, there is this web page, complete with Bible proof-text:
    https://arkencounter.com/blog/2017/10/20/twelve-stones-reminder-future-generations/
    The brief Wikipedia article on “Twelve Stones” says that “King Josiah abolished the practice because some people attached religious significance to the stones themselves, resembling idolatry.” See 2 Kings 33, 2 Chronicles 34.

  19. While there are many Christian schools, sadly there aren’t many that teach a genuinly [sic] biblical worldview

    Who knew spelling was optional in Bible School? To think what I fool I was allowing myself to be tortured by the nuns in Catholic School.

  20. TomS – visited the link and noted that the mother in the family picture is more of hands-on pervert than El Mano Biden 🙂

  21. Hambo is in the skul bizness ? That shuud reele wurk good. They’re going to need educated peepul to rite more placks for the faak ark.

  22. Jim Roberts

    Draken, the problem is that there’s no central federalization of education* in the U.S., and so no real definitive answer to your question on standardized testing and homeschooling/private schooling. As a general rule, states do one of the following:

    1. Students not in state-sponsored schools are required to take the same standardized testing as students in state-sponsored schools and the results must be submitted to the state for assessment.
    2. Students not in state-sponsored schools are required to take some standardized testing, but not all, and the results must be submitted to the state for assessment.
    3. Students not in state-sponsored schools are required to take some standardized testing, but not all, and results are not assessed by the state.
    4. Students not in state-sponsored schools are not required to take any standardized testing.

    The gradual progression has been a movement from states to be in the first category and toward the 4th. In my home state of New Hampshire, we’re currently between stages two and three – if you’re a private school, you have to do some standardized testing and submit it for assessment, but if you’re homeschooling, you aren’t required to submit for assessment.

    * Yes, there’s a federal Department of Education, but its reach and influence is really quite limited, compared to in other Western nations.

  23. JimR, let me guess – the most fundagelical states strongly tend to prefer option 4? ‘Cuz Heaven forbid that materialist naturalist athiests (read: actual scientists) have a say?

  24. Jim Roberts

    That’s definitely the trend, yeah – it all comes back to the backlash against Brown vs. Board of Education. In the 40s through the 60s, fundagelicals just sent their kids to public school, like everyone else, and private schooling was either for Catholics or the wealthy. After schools started desegregating, fundagelical churches started up their own church schools, but as expenses went up and enrollments went down, homeschooling took over, and from the early 90s until now, Christian schools have become rarer and homeschooling has taken over.

    Now you have parents pooling their resources and renting buildings where they all “homeschool” one another’s kids, essentially re-creating the private Christian school, but in a setting with less regulation of education – more testing, of course, but less actual regulation of education.

  25. Karl Goldsmith

    “Is that allowed in America?? They would be shut down lunch time on their first day here in New Zealand.”

    Well that is America for you. Eric Hovind once wrote an article bigging up how well small Christian schools in the UK did, I had to point out to him they have a curriculum to follow and were not creationist schools like in America.

  26. docbill1351

    Hambo’s Skool is quite a bargain by private school standards. Our local private school has an annual tuition of $12,000. It’s set up for “gifted and talented” kids, but the local schools are excellent for kids of all abilities.

    One thing differs about Hambo’s Skool, however, and that’s the lengthy interview process to get in. You need a teacher’s reference, pastor’s reference and you have to sign a Statement of Belief – and we’ve all seen that lovely document of willful ignorance – plus an application, other forms and a non-refundable (of course!) application fee. Clearly Old Hambo doesn’t want any thinkin’ type people in his skool! That would jus ruint things.

  27. “sadly there aren’t many that teach a genuinly [sic] biblical worldview”

    I wonder what’s a “genuinely biblical worldview”? Does that mean that Children are taught shepherding, how to stone adulterous people, and to believe every words of the Bible, but nothing about computers, airplanes, genetics, etc.? Do they even teach English or other non-biblical languages in such schools?

  28. Michael Fugate

    Did you notice that the school is associate with this organization?
    https://www.renewanation.org/about

  29. I wonder how many schools teach Biblical Hebrew, Aramaic and Koine Greek?

  30. docbill1351

    The goal of RenewANation is the indoctrination of children. That’s their “educational” model. They have their own “Wedge Document” that outlines a 20-year plan. Their “Statement of Faith” is boilerplate magick, demons and oogity-boogity.