Recently Expanded Earth Free Fire Zone

It’s been a long time since we gave you a report about your Curmudgeon’s cutting-edge research, conducted in our superbly-equipped, secret, underground la-BOR-a-tory.

As we’ve previously reported, one of our teams is busily developing an anti-gravity machine. Another has almost completed the prototype of a functional time machine. A third team is conducting faster-then-light research. Yet another is about to perfect a perpetual motion machine. We also explore the mysteries of the Time Cube. But if you’re wondering about creationism, the answer is No. We don’t bother with silly ideas.

Today we’d like to give you an update about something we briefly mentioned a couple of days ago — it’s the Curmudgeon’s theory of the recently expanded Earth. Briefly, the idea is this: we know that The Earth Is Flat!, because the bible says so. At least — and this is the important thing — it was flat when the bible was written. But it’s not flat now, of course. So what happened? That’s where our new theory comes in.

The theory of Recent Terrestrial Inflation (or RTI) explains so much! First, it’s consistent with a literal reading of the bible, and that’s important for any scientific theory. Second, it explains so many things that had been used as objections to the global flood in the days of Noah. You’ve seen questions like “How did all the animals — especially the three-toed sloth — get to South America after the Flood?” Recent Terrestrial Inflation explains it!

Similarly, it explains how kangaroos and other species got to Australia without leaving a trail of fossilized ancestors all across Asia. Not long after the Flood, the Earth was swiftly expanded to a spherical shape and those creatures — along with the continents where the were living — were moved to where they are now.

So there you are, dear reader. As a result of your Curmudgeon’s cutting-edge research — you can have your bible and your spherical Earth — with no conflicts!

To celebrate our achievement, we’re declaring another Intellectual Free-Fire Zone. We’re open for the discussion of pretty much anything — science, politics, economics, or even astrology, theology, mythology, and sociology — as long as it’s tasteful and interesting. Banter, babble, bicker, bluster, blubber, blather, blab, blurt, burble, boast — say what you will. But avoid flame-wars and beware of the profanity filters.

We now throw open the comments to you, dear reader. Have at it!

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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10 responses to “Recently Expanded Earth Free Fire Zone

  1. Science and religion finally come together, it’s about time. Thank you Curmudgeon, for clearing it all up!

  2. There once was a hypothesis that the Earth was expanding See the Wikipedia article “Expanding Earth”
    But if the Earth was flat, that means that the radius was infinite, which would seem to be in conflict with a later increase in size.

  3. Michael Fugate

    Just like we don’t notice the earth rotating and orbiting the sun, no one noticed it inflating. Imagine a flat balloon was the form of the earth 6000 years ago. It explains why the flood was much more localized than it would now appear. How small was the earth originally and where is the location of the tied off neck?

  4. 1984 newspeak headline:
    “Trump Administration Suppresses Its Own Findings About Catastrophic Climate Change”

  5. And the Moon is a piece of Mars.

  6. “As a result of your Curmudgeon’s cutting-edge research — you can have your bible and your spherical Earth — with no conflicts!”
    I prefer Tolkien’s Silmarillion.

    @DavidK: from that article I linked to

    “An advantage of shifting the discourse from controversy to sensitivity is that one shifts the focus from epistemology to pedagogy.”
    1) The author never tells what it means in practice for teachers “to teach evolution as a sensitive issue.”
    2) Shifting away from epistemology, ie method, ie, how science arrivés at the conclusions that come along with evolution looks like a serious flaw to me.

  7. News from the Dutch YEC-front:

    1) They finally have found out who was responsible for the Piltdown-fraud.
    2) One Dutch physician complains: “It’s impossible to understand. How can physicians still not believe in a God Who has created the human body?”
    3) Apparently Dutch orthodox protestants discuss the meaning of evolution theory. doesn’t want to have anything to do with it. “So sorry that the authors of the Common Catechism (whatever that is – FrankB) think it necessary to add new fuel to the evolution debate.” These are the same guys who whine that the “creationism model” is not accepted in the academic world:
    4) “Dutch Royal Geographical Society doesn’t seem to have the courage to defend a diversity of scientific ideas.” This smells like discrimination (the ironly of combining 3 and 4 totally escapes my compatriots).
    5) Most important news: der Gunther (Blechly) is active! FInally Austria has a Center for BioComplexity and Natural Teleology! Such a relief, after all those decades of Austrian ignorance. There were no less than 18 lectures! The names of the participants are not made public, because of persecution by European Darwinsceptics! I know you are thrilled. Really, you guys who are too stubborn to learn reading Dutch are missing a lot:

  8. Michael Fugate

    Here is Günter’s web site for his “Zentrum für BioKomplexität & NaturTeleologie”
    It seems to exist in hopes of acquiring donations with his spouse as treasurer. I am sure there are big research plans – but none yet.

  9. The Bicycling Guitarist

    You want some philosophy?