Hambo Says Blessed Are the Fungi

There is no mention in the bible of fungi, but that doesn’t stop Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else. At the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry, he just posted “Brainless Fungi” Extraordinarily Complex. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

When you think of fungi [We always do.], you probably don’t automatically think “smart” — especially considering they don’t have brains! But these incredible organisms are indeed “smart,” in the sense that they are designed to do what they do, and what they do, they do well.

Ooooooooooooh! Fungi are smart! Then he says:

The more we look at what God has made, the more obvious it is that we are without excuse if we refuse to acknowledge the Creator (Romans 1:20). And fungi are just one more example.

Fungi were divinely created! And that’s not all. Hambo tells us:

Plants and fungi trade resources in a mutually beneficial relationship. This is known as symbiosis. And it’s a complicated exchange, as this summary of a new study explains in New Scientist [Hambo provides no link]:

[Alleged quote:] But it turns out the fungi are savvy traders, taking advantage of their partners by shuttling goods to nutrient-starved areas where plants are willing to pay more than usual. The discovery is the latest demonstration that even simple, brainless organisms are capable of sophisticated trading strategies.

Hambo is dazed and dazzled. He declares:

Hmm — “sophisticated” strategies. Does that sound like the result of chance? [No, that’s impossible!] The study found that when phosphorus — a necessary nutrient which the plants receive from the fungi in exchange for carbon — is in limited supply, the fungi will grab the phosphorus from an area of high concentration and send it across the network to an area of low concentration.

Considering the people Hambo probably deals with every day, it’s not surprising that he thinks a fungus is intellectually impressive. He continues:

The final paragraph of the article states, “the big mystery is how fungi coordinate trading strategies in the absence of cognition.” Without a brain — how do they do all of this?

Uh, let us guess. How about divine guidance from beyond this sinful universe? Let’s find out what Hambo thinks:

Well, further study is sure to give us clues, but they won’t find an evolutionary origin for such an ability. [Of course not!] These fungi were created by God and clearly show his handiwork to all who will take the time to look and consider.

How about that? We got it right! Hambo wraps it all up with this:

No wonder God’s Word says that it’s evident to all that God is Creator, and for those who don’t believe, they are “without excuse” (Romans 1:20).

Okay, dear reader, what are you going to do with this new information? For starters, we suggest you toss out any fungicide you may have around the house. It’s time you were more respectful of fungi — they’re divinely created intelligent life.

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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13 responses to “Hambo Says Blessed Are the Fungi

  1. Dave Luckett

    Ken! It’s all come clear to me now! Put a tablespoon of salt into a vessel of water, leave it be – and before you know it, the salt has been distributed to all the water. It’s all salty! How can this be, unless the water or the salt or both of them, are intelligently distributing themselves? Or that God, personally, has taken a hand?

    I have seen the light! Open the fridge and there it is! Hallelujah!

  2. Ok Ken. If simple strands of algae and microscopic bacteria and algal life has been documented in PreCambrian rock age dated at over 800 million years ago, you have to deny basic laws of nuclear physics to avoid having an ancient earth where the earliest life forms were simple single cell plants.. Gibberish Ken. Gibberish.

  3. Ken, what about if God has designed those fungi through the process of evolution? Does it have to be either/or? You know, three billion years is a veeery long time. But I agree with you, nothing much can happen in 6,000 years. You also won’t get all of today’s cat species from one single pair (hint: Noah’s Flood).

  4. The Bible does not say anything about fungi. Are they living? Are there “kinds”? Is there evolution, micro- or macro? How do creation and design (whatever those mean) apply, and when (during the six days, before or after)? And how do you know, were you there?

    BTW, it was only in the 20th century that fungi were recognized as distinct from plants. Only in the 19th century that fermentation was recognized as a function of life. It used to be an alchemical process, along with things like distillation, etc.

    And just think of the complicated actions taken by orbital electrons in order to make chemical reactions possible. Do they have intelligence? When light takes the shortest path does it plan ahead? Or must these actions be the concern of design beyond the natural?

  5. The HAMster and fungi share two rather important traits; both require oxygen respiration* and they are equally intelligent.

    *Fungi are more closely related to animals than to plants.

  6. “The more we look at what God has made”
    Like Raphus Cucullatus? Was it also “designed to do what it did, and what it did, it did well?”
    Oops – my bad. I forgot that important creacrap law.
    – Something good? Praise the Lord.
    – Something bad? Blame Homo Sapiens.

    “Okay, dear reader, what are you going to do with this new information?”
    Sorry, dear SC, but what exactly is new about “evolution impossible, goddiddid”?

  7. @Och Will thinks he has cornered Ol’Hambo: “you have to deny basic laws of nuclear physics ”
    Yeah, so what? Since when has Ol’Hambo any problem denying any basic science that doesn’t fit in his predetermined views?

  8. The Donald in the White House, and now the redoubtable BoJo set to move into No. 10 Downing Street…

    I, for one, do not welcome our new fungal overlords.

  9. Mark Germano

    If I read this correctly, the morel is that there isn’t mushroom between Ham’s position and Behe’s.

  10. @ Mark Germano: Yes, but who really gives a shiitake?

  11. The way you spell it, Megalonyx, makes me realise he’s Mr Bojo Risin’.

  12. @ Draken: There is even less resemblance between Boris Johnson and Jim Morrison than there is between a fungus and an elephant.

    But if one were to write a suitable anthem for the clown–say, ‘Eton Snobtoff (Gonna Have to Do)”, the name Boris Johnson is highly anagrammatical, viz.

    Is Horn Job Son
    Sir John Boons
    &c &c

  13. Mark Germano

    It’s the yeast we can do, @Megalonyx. And it’s really no truffle at all.