Hambo’s Ark & the Ultimate Drooler

This is about a letter from a visitor to Ark Encounter — the creationist tourist attraction built by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the ayatollah of Appalachia, the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

The information is from Hambo’s blog at the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG), his creationist ministry. He just posted “It Was More Impactful than Seeing the Eiffel Tower . . . Notre Dame, the Statue of Liberty” Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]:

We hear from people every day who’ve visited or are visiting our two world-class Christian themed attractions, the Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum. These people come from all over the world and leave raving reviews.

Yeah, “raving.” Then he says:

One person from Pennsylvania recently visited … . Here is the full review from JW of Pittsburg [sic], PA:

Before we copy the letter Hambo claims he received, we have to warn you: It’s difficult to believe that someone actually wrote such a letter, but hey — we find it difficult to believe that anyone would really visit ol’ Hambo’s ark, so what do we know? Here comes the letter:

I couldn’t stand not sharing this photo and this experience with you all. If you can make time to go visit the Ark Encounter, I would highly encourage you to do so! It was more beautiful and impactful than seeing the Eiffel Tower, the leaning tower of Pisa, Notre Dame, the Statue of Liberty, the Colossium and any other man made creation I have ever personally witnessed.

Think about that. We’re supposed to believe that there really is someone out there — who’s gotta be the ultimate drooler — who thinks Hambo’s ark is “more beautiful and impactful” than all those other things mentioned in the letter. And it’s not over yet. The letter continues:

The information inside was equally fascinating and dare I say, life changing. [Ooooooooooooh!] We approached the ark and [her husband] announced, “This is our Disney World.” He and I have talked about and dreamed about visiting the Ark for almost a decade (since we very first heard about plans to build it). And though I have seen pictures there was nothing like seeing it in person.

The letter doesn’t end there. Let’s read on:

We are so blessed to have been able to take this trip with our children. In a world that is flooded with misinformation and deception, it was so encouraging to learn more about Truth in science and History. [Aaaargh!!] One of my favorite parts was the comparison of the door of the Ark to Jesus. [Scripture quote.]

That’s the end of it. Then Hambo gives us yet another letter from another visitor, but that one doesn’t interest so we’ll leave him here. And now we ask you, dear reader. Were we wrong in saying that letter was written by the ultimate drooler?

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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17 responses to “Hambo’s Ark & the Ultimate Drooler

  1. “These people come from all over the world”
    Yeah, this

    “….. from Pennsylvania ”
    is all over the world indeed.
    Vanity is a deadly sin, Ol’Hambo.

    “dare I say, life changing.”
    Meaning that JW is capable of drooling twice as much as before his visit?

    “This is our Disney World.”
    He’s right! Disney World is fantasy too.

    “Were we wrong in saying that letter was written by the ultimate drooler?”
    Too early to say – perhaps somebody shows up who can top JW. But it’s a good one for sure.

  2. Dave Luckett

    Nope. You’re wrong. The ultimate drooler didn’t write this. The ultimate drooler can’t write. This was written by an example of that curious hybrid, the drooler who is literate but somehow or other is completely insulated from all information conveyed by the written word. Self-insulated? Perhaps. But certainly living in a cultural bubble, a hermetically sealed echo chamber. It takes that sort of isolation to produce this. Simple incomprehension, even extreme stupidity, is not enough to explain it.

    In fact, come to think of it, the writer’s droolership is almost irrelevant. He, or his peers, or most likely, both, have taken whatever potential for learning he had, and systematically stunted and blighted it. The difference between that situation and being a drooler is that being a drooler is forgivable.

  3. @FrankB, Mr Luckett

    Ummm — I believe the letter writer is a woman.

    Hmmm — I wonder why she was encouraging ol’ Hambo to visit his own ark?

  4. No definite proof that the writer was a woman. Maybe it was a man and his husband.

  5. @GreenPoisonFrog
    “Maybe it was a man and his husband.” Unlikeky, Ham would have seen to that.

  6. Oh, yeah — ol’ Hambo is totally down with Obergefell.

  7. @GreenPoisonFrog

    Ummm — I believe you mean “her husband”.

  8. @GreenPoisonFrog

    Proof? No.

    Persuasive evidence? Hell, yeah.

    (Plus, I left myself sufficient wiggle room — “I believe . . . “)

  9. @Random: “I believe the letter writer is a woman.”
    Feel free to replace “he” with “she” wherever you see fit in my comment. It’s totally irrelevant for its content – so irrelevant that I’m not even going to check.

  10. I think the review was probably real. Young Earth Creationism is such an uncommon predilection, such lame brains must get a chill of excitement when someone else shares their delusion.

    I notice Josiah (the kid of the other drooler Hambo mentioned) is wearing a Mickey Mouse hat. The Ark Encounter is still not quite HIS Disneyland.

  11. Michael Fugate

    Disneyland and the Ark Encounter – both based on fantasy.

  12. The letter may have been written by Ham or a staff member. In that regard,
    YES. The writer can be regarded as the ultimate drooler. Personally however, I prefer the term droolmaster. Or perhaps drool wizard as we are dealing with supernatural forces at work here. We mere mortals are left to determine through imagination how the ancient and his family managed to build an ark that actually was seaworthy, when it took Hambo’s construction team, using heavy equipment and modern technology 2 years to build their fake “ark”.
    It requires a large degree of discipline to stick to the ark story when so much of it is illogical , miraculous, magical story telling.
    Sounds to me like the Ham may be becoming desperate. Does this mean more highway billboards ?
    Perhaps Ham can split the take with a major attraction like EpCot or Sea World by buying up real estate around the edges of these type of attractions and then building a chain of ark parks nationwide ?? With. a catchy new name.
    And in keeping with ultimate drooler tradition Ham’s gotta go with an ark pic containing the standardized giraffe pair sticking their heads out cabin portholes.

  13. Or arks near the front entrance of city zoos ! Wow.

  14. och will suggests

    Perhaps Ham can split the take with a major attraction like EpCot or Sea World by buying up real estate around the edges of these type of attractions and then building a chain of ark parks nationwide ??

    Think bigger! Such places are under threat and may be up for sale soon: Virgin Holidays stops selling captive whale and dolphin experiences. Hambo could snap them up on the cheap and offer twice-daily shows of The Jonah Encounter, in which the paying punters are swallowed by genuine killer whales”

  15. “This is our Disney World.”
    What, no love for the Holy Land Experience?

  16. SC?

    [*Voice from above*] Calm down, and all will be well.

  17. SC — So be it.