Creationist Wisdom #984: Evolution Is Paganism

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the News-Gazette of Champaign, Illinois. It’s titled Genesis tells real story of creation, and the newspaper doesn’t have a comments feature.

Because the writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. His first name is Bill. We’ve posted about his letters before — see #959: Stars Aren’t Alive, and before that see #942: Eternal Consequences, and before that see #907: Science Is a Fairy Tale. Excerpts from his latest letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, some bold font for emphasis, and occasional Curmudgeonly interjections that look [like this]. Here we go!

A very long time ago, there was a tiny pinhole in space and through this pinhole all matter magically self-created itself and magically formed a big spinning ball. This spinning ball blew up and over a very long time formed 300 billion galaxies, trillions of stars, planets, physical laws, etc., etc., etc.

Ah yes, the Big Magic Spinning Ball theory. That’s exactly how we learned it in school! Then he says:

The universe all came about by chance and lots of time. Life on Earth could have come when the great lightning bolt struck a rock in the oceans, or maybe the magical dirt on asteroids or comets sprung forth life and seeded the Earth.

Bill’s understanding is very impressive. But wait — there’s more! He tells us:

All humans, animals and plants came to life from magical rocks or dirt. [Right!] Over a long period of time, we came from worms to present-day humans, plants and animals. Through natural selection, mutations and lots and lots of time, nature magically changed us from goo to you.

Bill doesn’t like “From goo to you.” He explains why:

Evolution is an atheistic story of origins. [Egad, really?] This is not science, this is a pagan story of origins. [Gasp!]

We’ve been taught a pagan story of origins! This is horrible! So how did everything originate? Bill continues:

Genesis Chapter 1 says an all-knowing, all-powerful creator spoke time and space, the universe and all animal and plant life in six days. [Hey, that makes sense!] There are only two choices, either God created everything or the universe self-created itself.

Bill’s choice is obvious. He finishes his letter in a very impressive way:

I am a born-again Christian. God is my best friend. All true Christians have a relationship with the Triune God. He is real. The Bible is the meaning of life. God saved me 43 years ago, and he is intimately involved in the smallest details of my life.

There you have it, dear reader. Bill has all the answers. What do you have — except the guarantee of eternity in the Lake of Fire?

Copyright © 2019. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

add to del.icio.usAdd to Blinkslistadd to furlDigg itadd to ma.gnoliaStumble It!add to simpyseed the vineTailRankpost to facebook

. AddThis Social Bookmark Button . Permalink for this article

21 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #984: Evolution Is Paganism

  1. Bonehead Bill thinks “magic” is part of science. Nope. Creationists believe in magic. Scientists never invoke magic in explaining the Universe. They’re not allowed to. [By the way – here’s a secret – shhhh – there’s no such thing as magic.]

  2. They are allowed to invoke magic if necessary. It’s just that, so far, invoking magic has never helped, there has always been a better explanation. So invoking magic is pretty much the last thing anyone would try, and “we don’t understand this yet” is preferred.

  3. All humans, animals and plants came to life from magical rocks or dirt.

    Gensis 1:11 “And God said, Let the erth bring forth grass, ad the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree …”
    1:20 “…Let the wters bring forth abudantly the movig creature that ath life ..”
    1:21 “…and every living creature that mveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly …”
    1::24 “…Let the earth bring forth the living creature after its kind …”
    2:7 “…and tne Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground …”

    It is the Bible which says that all humans, animals and plants came to life from magical rocks or dirt, … or water.

  4. Dave Luckett

    God is Bill’s best friend. I wonder if He ever returns Bill’s calls? Bill would probably answer in the affirmative. For myself, I cannot. God never answers, and never even seems to hear. And alas, I cannot say He does more for Bill, either. Bill might be kidding me, or kidding himself. And the rest follows, with the tedious inevitability of a fall. The Fall of Man, perhaps.

    jimroberts, “We don’t understand this yet” is indeed preferable to magic. It is also preferable to “We will never understand this”, which is the only answer anyone can give to various questions about God – as the Christian church has been saying for most of its existence. “We will never understand this” is perfectly assimilable, and, in a sense, reasonable. There is no reason to expect that we will ever understand everything. But I have to admit that, as an answer, it sticks in my craw.

    To take another guess at his response, Bill would probably say that’s my pride talking. He would tell me that I need humility, and faith. But saying “I don’t know” is a pretty humbling thing. Certainly more so than claiming to be besties with God. As for faith, I do have faith in one of Jesus’s sayings: “You shall know them by their fruits”. I reflect on the fruits of faith, and am not impressed.

  5. chris schilling

    A pinhole in space?

    How about a pinhead — or an a**hole — in space, whose name is Bill? And who has rocks in his head, only they’re not magical, alas.

  6. All humans, animals and plants came to life from magical rocks or dirt.

    Oh, Bill did not go there.

    It’s the Bible, after all, which says, “And God formed man from the dust of the ground.” And it’s the Bible, after all, which in the end even “intelligent design” proponents view as the ultimate authority in the matter of origins (along with everything else).

  7. Hmm. Does Bill (and other Born-Agains) consider their BFF God to be a part of this universe? I guess they must, otherwise, how would they ever get to know Him/Her/It?

  8. @retiredsciguy
    Yes, one of the paradoxes of creationism. (One of the lapses in continuity in their scenario.)

  9. Michael Fugate

    Long distance relationship?

  10. chris schilling

    Evolution is paganism.

    Yes, every time a virgin is sacrificed, somewhere a new species evolves.

    The gods are munificent!

  11. God is ghosting us.

  12. “he is intimately involved in the smallest details of my life.” Like what goes on in Bill’s bathroom and bedroom? Creepy.

  13. So, he wants God in his life.
    Why does he find it necessary for belief in God to deny the obvious about the natural world of life: that humans are physically related to the rest of the world of life, without offering the slightest trace of an alternative. No prospect of an idea how or why, when or where, what happens so that all life forms, always and everywhere, in so many ways, fall into a pattern of a nested hierarchy – and so much other evidence from unexpected discoveries.
    Indeed, there is no interest in thinking about what might account for the pattern. As if “anything is possible” would be satisfying.

  14. Michael Fugate

    The YEC view: Science doesn’t work when applied to origins. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. If God did write the Bible, who am I to second guess his account?

  15. @Michael Fugate
    And, when the Bible is silent, I am free to make up stuff with a sciency sound.
    Or, when the Bible differs from what I want, I am free to manufacture an “interpretation”.
    Or when the BIbe is outright inconsistent, I am free to ignore that.
    Thus, we get baraminology, the Earth as a planet of the Solar System, creation of all from nothing, and the Sun, Moon and stars in the Firmament on the fourth day.
    The first verses of Genesis 1 describes the beginning of God’s creation taking place in a watery chaos (God not being held responsible for creating a chaos, and then, later, that is just ignored when the idea is invented that God is responsible for everything).

  16. Michael Fugate

    A good storyteller always embellishes the original.

  17. Are you suggesting YEC as fan fiction?

  18. Michael Fugate

    Here is a story on our fine creationist friends at Liberty U.

    Here is a letter to the sports section in reply
    “An athletic director who resigned in disgrace from Baylor, a football coach fired from Mississippi for moral turpitude, a biology department that does not subscribe to the theory of evolution and a president who claims to be a Christian but supports Donald Trump. Liberty University has attained a level of hypocrisy unlikely to be surpassed in the foreseeable future.”


  19. Speaking of following the Bible, there is the Bibical instructions on designating a king in Deuteronomy 17:14-20, including
    “Neither shall he multiply wives to himself, that his heart turn not away: neither shall he greatly multiply to himself silver and gold.”
    And much later, there are the warnings about the future in 2 Peter2, such as
    “But chiefly them that walk after the flesh in the lust of uncleanness, and despise government. Presumptuous are they, selfwilled, they are not afraid to speak evil of dignities.”
    Inbetween these, there is Proverbs 29, including
    “When the righteous are in authority, the peple rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn.”
    And Ecclesiastes 10:11-16.

  20. I’ve got an even better example. When I drop a stone it magically falls downward iso upwards. You can’t explain! Time to replace Newton’s and Einstein’s incomprehensible stuff by Intelligent Falling.

  21. Let’s see. Hang out for eternity with people like Bill. Hang out with my friends and people I respect for all of eternity. Gonna be hot and crowded down there. Easy choice though. Going with hot and crowded.